Maybe you and I have a different understanding of the word "tolerant", but to me it doesn't encompass everything up to and including intimate romantic relationships. Supporting the full legal rights of transpeople, happily accepting their legal status as the gender they wish to be, supporting any surgeries or therapies that they feel they require, being willing to be friends with or employ them, etc etc etc, is as tolerant as I think I need to be. Certainly as tolerant as anyone can reasonably demand of me. And indeed some way beyond what the word "tolerant" actually means. If you're going to say that's not enough and demand control over my very thoughts and feelings, that's a step too far and a line needs to be drawn there.
Human beings not being rational. Who'd have thought it. What's rational about wanting to rub your genitals against someone else's to begin with? Yes ultimately its beneficial for the species, but the individual motivation is just "it's fun!". You can't get all Mr Spock about it.
The point isn't that everyone needs to be open to dating trans people in all circumstances. Or even that you (not you specifically) must stop feeling revulsion at the thought or you're a terrible person. But there is certainly utility in recognizing the fundamental irrationality in rejecting a trans person solely on account of them being trans.
It's messy. The transition from intolerance to tolerance is long. People don't just shed intolerance. Even willing people who vocally advocate on behalf of all LGBT people are squishy about it as it pertains to them personally. The point is, recognizing it as fundamentally irrational eliminates its power. That's all. People always presume that the goal is thought control, but it isn't that at all. You may not be able to control it, or even want to. But you do have control over how it manifests in your behavior. As with any problematic impulse, reaction, or emotion, control is the key.
Perhaps people arguing here have such control, I don't know, but I think it's pretty absurd to say "Just because I don't see trans people as attractive doesn't affect my treatment of them!" That is certainly true for plenty of individuals, I'm sure, but society has always functioned to treat people differently based on perceived physical attractiveness, and that is in no way limited to trans people. That result necessarily is borne out of individual attitudes.
The only conclusion I'm drawing is that you don't hold everyone who does not want to sleep with any of these groups directly accountable for any and all societal ills that befall them, or call them bigots. All you ask for is that they all be given adequate legal protections and then let everyone get on with it. And even if you think that the legal protections aren't currently adequate, you don't blame everyone who won't fornicate with them for this. Because that would be silly wouldn't it.
Of course it would. But legal protections can only do so much. Awareness, discussions like this with people willing to honestly account for their feelings are important. Murdering a trans person is just as illegal as murdering anyone else, but that doesn't stop it from happening much more frequently. Surely you can see how a culture that marginalizes people - and make no mistake, people en masse deciding that a particular group is sexually undesirable serves to marginalize that group - puts them in greater danger of all kinds of terrible things happening to them. That's why it's important, not to make those feelings go away, but to make sure we speak up and that society accepts responsibility to protect the marginalized instead of just ignoring them.
People get very defensive when you say they are _____-phobic, and perhaps that's understandable. But that fact is far less important than what one does with that information.
