Love and Infatuation

[Ramius75]

Hmmm, can anyone explain this feeling i got ?

I helped a lady who was in a failed relation. She was in her late 20s and with a kid and got hooked by a guy who promised to take care of her and her kid. The guy just turn out to be a jerk after having a one night stand with the lady, he dumped her, most probably disappointed with the look of the woman.

I spent many weeks consoling her, in fact not knowing her at all till she posted many heart breaking stories in the internet forum. Soon i get to know her more and more.

I tried my best cheering her up. Accompanied her when she was sad and tried to keep her away from all those suicide thoughts she had. she also has the tendencies to self-multilate. and often immused herself in alcohol and other stuffs.

No matter how i tried, she just wouldnt be happy nor listen, only a few call from her "man" can cheer her up. And this i felt disappointed.

Im not sure if im interested in her or not. Or izzit sympathy or compassion ? But there is always an over-whelmed sadness that comes to me when i feel that she isnt helping herself and then i worried about her.

Yesterday, she told her friends that she will be leaving for a place far far away. Didnt tell us where she is going and what she is doing there. There is nothing much i can do also as she suddenly seems to avoid me not even telling me her problems. Just a promise from her that not to worry for her and she will be ok and will try to keep in touch.

So what is my feeling for her ?

 

[Birdjaguar]

Heh, only chemistry? What else is there?

The chemistry may explain how we feel, but it does not explain what triggered the chemistry or why we act as we do when we are in love. Love can be a terrible, irresistable thing that inflicts suffering with every dose of joy, and we wouldn't turn off even if we could.

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Infatuation...that's trouble with a capital T.

 

[Birdjaguar]

So what is my feeling for her ?

You already know what it is, and don't need us to tell you. If you want to contribute to OT entertaiment, then post a poll with three or four choices and let us vote.

 

[Ramius75]

You already know what it is, and don't need us to tell you. If you want to contribute to OT entertaiment, then post a poll with three or four choices and let us vote.

haha, but the problem is , im not sure. She is not the only girl i helped in the past, In fact i helped many many broken hearted ladies and then i do have the some feeling for them. Can a guy in "love" with so many ladies ?

 

[Gothmog]

The chemistry may explain how we feel, but it does not explain what triggered the chemistry or why we act as we do when we are in love. Love can be a terrible, irresistable thing that inflicts suffering with every dose of joy, and we wouldn't turn off even if we could.

Accepting that there is nothing but a physical universe as a working assumption, I would say that chemistry does have the potential to explain why we act as we do when we are in love; and the sequence of events that led up to that emotion (though of course not external events, just how we react to them).

On the other hand I would argue that it does not explain how we feel. It may describe the chemicals and cascades associated with the emotion, but that is not the experience its self. That all human experience can be reduced to chemistry does not belittle nor reduce its value in the slightest.

That was the point I was trying to get at with my Shakespeare quote - especially the last two lines. Just because we describe a thing with words, that does not change the essential nature of the thing.

The feeling of love will forever be in the human domain.

 

[Slobadog]

The problem here is our culture uses one word of IE "Love" for many different concepts. Always confused me when I was a kid. Culture needs to stop that.

 

[Boundless]

I don't think you could really have love without infatuation. I think you can be infatuated without being in love though..

 

[cardgame]

I'm surprised how many people came out of the woodwork lurking for this thread.

^Boundless' premise sounds nice to me.

 

[PlutonianEmpire]

Not to mention this thread is several years old.

 

[_random_]

Humans have chemical reactions and make up flowery concepts to describe them.

...

Amen. They sing songs about love, write books, make movies, but still it is only chemistry

it's all just chemical reactions in the brain. That said enjoy the feeling, but there is no sense in denying that it's all just a chemical reation.

Why do people say this like it makes the whole thing any less remarkable?

 

[Kozmos]

The fact that we could probably replicate it a great deal soon. Love is a drug, like any other. Makes people do irrational things. (and yes I've loved and lost blah blah only a smallest fraction of it I consider unexplainable by science)

 

[Artifis]

The problem here is our culture uses one word of IE "Love" for many different concepts. Always confused me when I was a kid. Culture needs to stop that.

Why you be raising lovey-dovey threads from the dead mate?

 

[Slobadog]

Why you be raising lovey-dovey threads from the dead mate?

Like Winner I'm using this board to help deal with something.

 

[squall78]

love is the one thing that doesn't make any rational sense. all those movies about the guy/girl throwing away his future just to be with their mate. I dunno but it just seems stupid. but then again i am an optimist.

 

[Narz]

Slobadog is infatuated with love.

I don't get infatuated with women anymore. I have a kid to take care of, I already feel I'm not as attentive as I'd like to be with her (though more so than most fathers I think), I'm not going to waste emotional energy being obsessed with some random chick I don't even know.

I suspect infatuation is a biological mechanism males get to spurn them on to spend the necessary emotional energy to pursue/win a mate. I've already got a mate, for better or worse, and a child so I don't have time for that silliness anymore. It still comes in little bursts when I see women on the streets or in places/trains/buses/etc. but it fades very quickly.

The last time I remember being infatuated with a girl was in college, when I actually got to know her though she was kind of boring.

When you're infatuated with someone you're really infatuated with a false idol in your own head. Inevitably if you got to know the person you'd probably be disappointed. Even if you weren't & they were interesting as hell your initial obsession would fade with familiarity cause that's just the way the brain works. The Buddha could probably say something wise on the subject if he wasn't up in Nirvana like Kurt Cobain.

 

[classical_hero]

This very similar to another thread he necroed earlier. The other one is better, but what he should have done is started a new thread and combined the two ideas into one.

 

[Disgustipated]

I'm kind of scared of love now. I don't want to get to the point where I feel dependent on people again. I like to depend only on myself. But then again, the thought of growing old alone scares me.

 

[mrt144]

I'm kind of scared of love now. I don't want to get to the point where I feel dependent on people again. I like to depend only on myself. But then again, the thought of growing old alone scares me.

You can depend on people without feeling like you are dependent.

 

[squall78]

I'm kind of scared of love now. I don't want to get to the point where I feel dependent on people again. I like to depend only on myself. But then again, the thought of growing old alone scares me.

same here. It's like I'm so used to being by myself, but don't want to be alone all my life.

 

[Core Imposter]

In regard to the claim that its "just" a chemical reaction, hold a minute. It is not an involuntary process to which we do not attend. A woman walks by and you show interest and she sees, and smiles. Body language. Tone and inflection. Flirtation. Sparks.

Must not pretend that we are subject to a "reaction" from a chemical exposure, its much more complication than that. Although some of us are bowled over just the same as some are genetically prone to addiction. But most of the time the chemistry is just part of the symphony. In which we play a part, but the individual relationship evolves upon the backdrop of societal harmonies and the end result is almost always a collaboration of time, hopes, and fears.

It is very common for the young to focus on the sexual aspects and in fact difficult to look past until you have individually experienced sustained satisfying sexual unions. But once you have, you grasp the real essence of the question, love, what it is.

I do know this. Love is the second cousin of hate and they live on the same corner of the same street.