Angst
Rambling and inconsistent
Am I good or evil? Or decent-but-not-actually-good?
I currently work without pay as a practicant in a social institution for children, a place for them to hang out after school. It's a publicly supported service we have in Denmark, and as such, I'm a part of a big socialist system that attempts to please children as well as educate them socially. To short it down, I'm a paedagogue practicant. I'm sharing these details because I don't know how after school clubs work in the US, fx.: I assume they are much more privately funded there.
Anyways, I'm still a practicant. I have the low weekly required hours of 21.5, but I don't get paid for any of them. The government pays my collegues, but I only get regular social service (Which is enough for me to survive without luxuries). I spend my short workday caring for children and guiding them to be better people, care about others, develop creative skills, personality, etc.
I take additional unpaid hours to work at the institution for free, ask them to have me join dinner nights as well as help at parties for the older kids. The low requirement of my weekly workload therefore only exist on paper. I invest a lot of my time into this institution to help everyone out.
And it makes me feel good. Real good, infact. I feel like a warm human being that helps the public sector in a self-sacrificing way instead of looking for work. I try my best to work extra when I can; clean things that others cared not to; almost always ask my collegues for advice to how I handle a children's conflict; engage myself in the children, hoping to help them shape themselves in a good way.
My collegues like the way I act. They think I'm a great guy that they like having around. I feel some kind of archievement in doing this; I feel that there are sunny spots on me when they acknowledge what I do. Granted, I do also have a potential future job in the institution if I do well enough.
Thinking about what I do right now - And even by reading this over - I know that a lot of the things that make me feel like a good human ends up in myself using the phrase "I'm a good human". And I repeat that to myself. I may identify with doing good; I may identify with being good; I am sure my collegues like the part I play at the institution and I love that they are happy I'm there. I feel that I'm important, a good worker working for a good cause. I take pride into being good; I am awesome, perhaps.
And perhaps I'm all up my bottocks.
Going by utility, I'm most probably a good person. I work for children in the social services without getting paid, and I might actually get a job to do this consistently.
But again, this could only be a need to shine in my own light. I don't do this selflessly as my self feels much better as an entity to me.
I know this has been debated to death since Kanthian plight ethics, but I still want to know what impressions people have about my thoughts. Will zu Macht? At the end, there's the chance I may actually get the job, after all...
Please go both Kant & Bentham on me (And Nietzsche if you feel like using the terms bad or good) and heck, Rand too! This is a social institution and is paid for most prominently by the wealthy. Socialism is also evil, right?
Hit me with anything, maybe even your own opinion!
I currently work without pay as a practicant in a social institution for children, a place for them to hang out after school. It's a publicly supported service we have in Denmark, and as such, I'm a part of a big socialist system that attempts to please children as well as educate them socially. To short it down, I'm a paedagogue practicant. I'm sharing these details because I don't know how after school clubs work in the US, fx.: I assume they are much more privately funded there.
Anyways, I'm still a practicant. I have the low weekly required hours of 21.5, but I don't get paid for any of them. The government pays my collegues, but I only get regular social service (Which is enough for me to survive without luxuries). I spend my short workday caring for children and guiding them to be better people, care about others, develop creative skills, personality, etc.
I take additional unpaid hours to work at the institution for free, ask them to have me join dinner nights as well as help at parties for the older kids. The low requirement of my weekly workload therefore only exist on paper. I invest a lot of my time into this institution to help everyone out.
And it makes me feel good. Real good, infact. I feel like a warm human being that helps the public sector in a self-sacrificing way instead of looking for work. I try my best to work extra when I can; clean things that others cared not to; almost always ask my collegues for advice to how I handle a children's conflict; engage myself in the children, hoping to help them shape themselves in a good way.
My collegues like the way I act. They think I'm a great guy that they like having around. I feel some kind of archievement in doing this; I feel that there are sunny spots on me when they acknowledge what I do. Granted, I do also have a potential future job in the institution if I do well enough.
Thinking about what I do right now - And even by reading this over - I know that a lot of the things that make me feel like a good human ends up in myself using the phrase "I'm a good human". And I repeat that to myself. I may identify with doing good; I may identify with being good; I am sure my collegues like the part I play at the institution and I love that they are happy I'm there. I feel that I'm important, a good worker working for a good cause. I take pride into being good; I am awesome, perhaps.
And perhaps I'm all up my bottocks.
Going by utility, I'm most probably a good person. I work for children in the social services without getting paid, and I might actually get a job to do this consistently.
But again, this could only be a need to shine in my own light. I don't do this selflessly as my self feels much better as an entity to me.
I know this has been debated to death since Kanthian plight ethics, but I still want to know what impressions people have about my thoughts. Will zu Macht? At the end, there's the chance I may actually get the job, after all...
Please go both Kant & Bentham on me (And Nietzsche if you feel like using the terms bad or good) and heck, Rand too! This is a social institution and is paid for most prominently by the wealthy. Socialism is also evil, right?
Hit me with anything, maybe even your own opinion!
24/7 will feel very different from 21.5 
