Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok normally I'm a fairly positive guy, but right now I'm anything but...
I think that I have become completely apathetic towards all of humanity. When I say that, I mean that I don't think that anyone fundamentally cares about anyone but themselves. Since this is the internet and none of you know me, I see no problem with spilling my guts:
Ok so my mom is dead (died of alcoholism when I was in 6th grade), I live with my dad. First of all, the guy bends over backwards for his girlfriend and doesn't do crap for me. I have to pay for gas, insurance, school stuff, sports stuff, college applications, nearly everything. His excuse is we don't have money, yet he takes his girfriend out for dancing and dining a couple nights a week. What's worse though, is his drinking. Suddenly he started drinking. I beg him to stop, and make him swear on my life he will stop (the reason I took it so serious is because he wasn't being a social drinker, he was concealing it and lying to me), so he swore on my life that he would stop. Instead of stoping, he has done his best to hide it. He keeps a bottle of mouth wash in his car to wash the smell away, when I ask him about it he says it is because he has periodontal disease of the gums or something. But I know by his behaviors what nights he is tipsy. Today for instance, I am sure he was. Also, I found out he'd at some point in the last couple weeks completely demolished a bottle of rum that we had only used about 1/4 of a cup for, for making a dessert a long time ago. So basically, he is a closet alcoholic in the early stages, and he denies it to the end.
I realize that this may sound whiny, depressing, juvenile, overly emotional, or just plain dumb, and many of you will shrug it off as a case of the average teenager blues, but when a dad cares so little about his kid as to drink himself to oblivion in front of the kid who experienced a childhood of hell because of his mom's drinking, how can I expect to believe that people give a darn about anybody but themselves. I see it to lesser degrees elsewhere, but this this the most obvious example.
Seriously, I'm trying not to make this the average teenager "the whole world hates me" type of deal, I think I have a legitimate reason to believe that nobody cares for a single person but themselves. Maybe I'm just venting, but whatever.
Oh, and we aren't some poor, non-average type of family. We are upper middle class, I'm a popular kid at school (considered a preppy), my dad is a successful member of the community, etc. etc.
I feel like Conrad Jarret. Feel free to post your thoughts. Please no referrals to alcohol support related crap, I know from experience it does not work.
I think that I have become completely apathetic towards all of humanity. When I say that, I mean that I don't think that anyone fundamentally cares about anyone but themselves. Since this is the internet and none of you know me, I see no problem with spilling my guts:
Ok so my mom is dead (died of alcoholism when I was in 6th grade), I live with my dad. First of all, the guy bends over backwards for his girlfriend and doesn't do crap for me. I have to pay for gas, insurance, school stuff, sports stuff, college applications, nearly everything. His excuse is we don't have money, yet he takes his girfriend out for dancing and dining a couple nights a week. What's worse though, is his drinking. Suddenly he started drinking. I beg him to stop, and make him swear on my life he will stop (the reason I took it so serious is because he wasn't being a social drinker, he was concealing it and lying to me), so he swore on my life that he would stop. Instead of stoping, he has done his best to hide it. He keeps a bottle of mouth wash in his car to wash the smell away, when I ask him about it he says it is because he has periodontal disease of the gums or something. But I know by his behaviors what nights he is tipsy. Today for instance, I am sure he was. Also, I found out he'd at some point in the last couple weeks completely demolished a bottle of rum that we had only used about 1/4 of a cup for, for making a dessert a long time ago. So basically, he is a closet alcoholic in the early stages, and he denies it to the end.
I realize that this may sound whiny, depressing, juvenile, overly emotional, or just plain dumb, and many of you will shrug it off as a case of the average teenager blues, but when a dad cares so little about his kid as to drink himself to oblivion in front of the kid who experienced a childhood of hell because of his mom's drinking, how can I expect to believe that people give a darn about anybody but themselves. I see it to lesser degrees elsewhere, but this this the most obvious example.
Seriously, I'm trying not to make this the average teenager "the whole world hates me" type of deal, I think I have a legitimate reason to believe that nobody cares for a single person but themselves. Maybe I'm just venting, but whatever.
Oh, and we aren't some poor, non-average type of family. We are upper middle class, I'm a popular kid at school (considered a preppy), my dad is a successful member of the community, etc. etc.
I feel like Conrad Jarret. Feel free to post your thoughts. Please no referrals to alcohol support related crap, I know from experience it does not work.