People not getting your humor

[Kyriakos]

I am usually reserved when with other people, but sometimes i feel like putting a word in and it can also happen that this takes place not readily during a discussion i was originally part of, or was between people that i knew entirely, or that i did have extended knowledge about. But that did not hinder me from contributing since i had in mind to just make some sort of lighthearted joke in my comment.
So, a couple of hours ago, in one such situation, two people were talking in a bookstore about some event taking place organised by a japanese company, a sort of 'find the clues' setting in a large building rented to serve as the environment for their game, which people take part in after paying a fee. I only knew the one person in the discussion, so i carefully claimed that according to some rumor i heard this game is not all fun and without any potential detriment, for already urban legends spread that some of the contestants are missing.
I may even have inserted the chance remark that some of them have been argued to have re-appeared, but now as mortar for the walls of the next game rooms.

Sadly my refined joke was not greeted with real positivity. But i did persist later on in iterations of it, when the group discussing was more known to myself. In the end there was a 15 second-silence, and i decided to break it by leaving, although i don't suppose it was due to my pleasant personality.

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In your view should one be more careful when in social settings which he inherently cares next to nothing about?

(And was i in the wrong for just (accidentally) displaying something which might have been also picked up as a hint that i could not care less about what they would think of me?).

Having to organise seminars/presentations and speak in seriousness to groups of 15 people may have taken a toll, cause i find that now i semi-regularly have some sort of funny-tone bursts of the aforementioned type. But i hope it won't escalate to full blown murder or something.

*

Basically the question asked is whether you pay more attention to how you behave with people that you know somewhat, but they cannot be termed your 'friends', and you don't really stand to gain or lose anything by seeing them again or not.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I operate from the idea that anyone I meet has the potential of really liking me. Since few people do, I don't want to miss an opportunity to find one by being something other than myself.

 

[Kennigit]

I'm not sure there is a point to posting if there is no risk of getting infracted

 

[Borachio]

Humour is a funny (!) thing. I never venture something beyond the conventional with people I don't know very well.

I have done in the past, though, and it was seldom successful.

But if it's people you're never going to meet again, what does any of it matter?

 

[Truronian]

People not getting your humor

Indeed they are not. I am very protective of my eye gel.

 

[Kyriakos]

I operate from the idea that anyone I meet has the potential of really liking me. Since few people do, I don't want to miss an opportunity to find one by being something other than myself.

I agree, but the sad truth is that i don't like those people there. Which is the obvious reason i made this sort of cool joke..

But looking back.. some years before i would not really want to act in this way, or rather i would likely be alarmed in such a development by another. But things change. Anyway, i am sure if i actually liked someone i would be different, cause when talking to people i like i am supportive and well-mannered. I suppose sometimes one is also part of the chaos he may had once only attributed to those around him.

@Truronian: i am sure that was some humorous/nasty pun against me Do you mean to liken my refined grasp of comedy to a thorn? (although the latter is also apt to feed donkeys, so maybe it is still in the mood of my utterances in that place..).

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

People used to not get my humour. Then I found out it was because it wasn't funny. Since then I've been hilarious. Seriously though, sometimes happens that a joke of mine can silence the room.

Thread reminds me of a Bob Monkhouse joke:
"When I said I wanted to get into comedy, they laughed. Well they're not laughing now"

edit: Then Ziggy read the OP, and found out the thread was about something more than that. Sorry about that.

 

[Oruc]

Basically the question asked is whether you pay more attention to how you behave with people that you know somewhat, but they cannot be termed your 'friends', and you don't really stand to gain or lose anything by seeing them again or not.

Yes I absolutely do, I have to observe people a while I guess to get a feel for what kind of jokes they find acceptable. I'm more used to a unrepentant humour designed to offend but the people I grew up and went to school with I no longer have any contact with them so I have to be careful.

 

[Kyriakos]

Ah... FB sometimes is very helpful...:

Just now (ie a couple of minutes after i posted this topic here) i was on FB on the page of some publisher, and there saw a female young writer post this in their feedback:
"thank you for your invitation towards me that i should 'like' your page. May i ask if you also work with the living authors or just with those long dead?" Something tells me they won't feature her work now. But that comment just ruled

 

[JollyRoger]

I have retained a soccer ref to follow me around and waive around red and yellow cards when I go beyond acceptable social norms.

 

[Borachio]

Said referee now has tennis elbow?

(And what do you mean "waive around"?)

 

[JollyRoger]

I am the center of any waves that are made.

 

[peter grimes]

Basically the question asked is whether you pay more attention to how you behave with people that you know somewhat, but they cannot be termed your 'friends', and you don't really stand to gain or lose anything by seeing them again or not.

Now that I'm forced to spend social time with the parents of children around the same age as my kid I find that it's much easier for me to be myself, as opposed to the situation where I'm temporarily working with some people for a day or two. If it's work related I definitely sculpt my demeanor so as to improve my chances of them thinking highly of me. Not brown-nosing or anything, just.. not 100% myself.

 

[Harv]

Humour is a funny thing.

It is also very cultural - so it is very difficult to comment on your situation knowing absolutely nothing about your culture.

I am not claiming to be an expert in the field of social situations. I claim the opposite. it is amazing what I have learned on the CivFanatics Forums. Maybe I will learn how to be more socially acceptable.

 

[Takhisis]

I have retained a soccer ref to follow me around and waive around red and yellow cards when I go beyond acceptable social norms.

Did you know that retention is considered foul play in football?

 

[warpus]

I tend to get a reputation for "off the wall" humour in office and other settings, but to be honest I've basically been blurting out random things at first. Slowly over time I developed an idea of what is and isn't appropriate and what is and isn't funny, but there was some hit and there was a lot of miss.. especially at first.

So yeah, I have many experiences with people not getting my humour, and even a lot of experiences of my humour not even being humour. "What the hell did I just say?" would often wander through my mind. It happens less often now, but at first it was a very good defensive and/or learning/self-improvement mechanism of sorts that allowed me to engage in chit-chat like (and other) types of social contact with other humans. Laughter creates strong bonds, I guess, or at least makes people like you more. Makes it easier to carry on a conversation too, if you pace the humour properly and appropriately (depending on the other person's personality). And either way, the more social contact you engage in, the better at it you become. And humour allowed me to practice more, since it tended to create a positive vibe... sometimes. Like in the case of what happened to you, it doesn't always go well, but that's just the risk you're taking when engaging in a potentially hilarious manner. There is a fine line between hilarity and stupidity and even a lot of other words that end in those 3 letters.. That's the risk you take when you make a joke, especially an unconventional joke, or one during which you've completely messed up the delivery, or not even thought about it, or whatever. There's the appropriateness of the joke you need to keep in mind too, the tone, the way you vocalize it, your body language can be important, the context, even the setting, and a lot of other factors. There is usually a lot going on and a lot of factors at play. Professional comedians like Robin Williams are able to balance all these variables incredibly well, but they are professionals. Me or you, we suck at it, like for example when I told my boss off in front of other coworkers, IIRC. To be fair he told me off first, so he had it coming, but that was a very risky joke. It worked out in my favour in the end, but the world of comedy is basically a minefield. As you make your way from joke to joke, you're going to set off a mine or two, every once in a while. It's just a part of the gig.

But you know, failing is all a part of life, and you can't really learn without failing I don't think. There's no way you can be an expert at something the very first time you ever do it - you are going to have to do it a couple times to figure out the ins and outs to even become decent at it. So I guess I've tried to stop caring about the people who don't get my humour, although I've got to admit a part of my personality every once in a while pokes me with a pitchfork and wants acceptance and understanding from everyone around me. In the end it became a part of my personality, and some people find it funny, and some don't. And that's just how it is. You can't get fries supreme at Taco Bell in America, that's just how it is. Nothing I can do about that.

 

[Josu]

It is also very cultural - so it is very difficult to comment on your situation knowing absolutely nothing about your culture.

I am not claiming to be an expert in the field of social situations. I claim the opposite. it is amazing what I have learned on the CivFanatics Forums. Maybe I will learn how to be more socially acceptable.

It is very cultural and very personal. What I may consider funny I may be grotesque for you.
The best example is black humor, which is like a pair of legs, not everyone has it.
This sentece which I consider hilarious may offend to somebody.

 

[Borachio]

It is also very cultural - so it is very difficult to comment on your situation knowing absolutely nothing about your culture.

Some things are absolutely universal. Nearly all children will laugh at a fart noise, for instance.

But there's not much in humour terms that is universal. The best thing to do is to wait for someone else to crack what's obviously a joke and then laugh along with them. Even if you don't find it terribly funny yourself.


But even that's not fool-proof.

In foreign language terms, picking up the humour is well up there in the list of advanced things. A bit beyond humour, in terms of difficulty, is understanding foreign horse-racing commentary.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I agree, but the sad truth is that i don't like those people there. Which is the obvious reason i made this sort of cool joke..

Thing is, it wasn't a cool joke. It was black humor, at best, and out of left field. To suggest that some participants in what sounds like an interesting activity were killed and used as part of the infrastructure of the location itself is just gruesome, and definitely not funny.

I would recommend you read The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert A. Heinlein. There is a subplot in that novel where the main character explains humor to a newly-sentient computer. There are some good insights into humor in those scenes.

 

[Kyriakos]

It is very cultural and very personal. What I may consider funny I may be grotesque for you.
The best example is black humor, which is like a pair of legs, not everyone has it.
This sentece which I consider hilarious may offend to somebody.

That was pretty good

All my humor is black, though. There is just difference between tones of black there..