Please Help

[GoodSarmatian]

Poison the thing ?
Problem is, your wife knows you hate the iguana, so she might suspect you even if it looks like a natural death.

You could try to drive a wedge between your wife and her pet.
Set up a situation where the iguana destroys things. Let it smash a vase your wife likes, or eat her favorite dress.

Evil option: Bite or scratch your daughter and make sure the marks look like it was the animal. Then your wife should see reason.
(Not something I would do, but RPGs have conditioned me to consider easy and profitable evil solutions whenever I encounter a problem).


Edit:
Maybe there's some medical way to make it less agressive ? Medication ?Is it male or female Iguana ? Is it neutered ?

Good option: Find a way to get the iguana laid.
(might cost money and effort, but it will bring more experience points and your wife will approve.

 

[Murky]

Try finding some music it likes.

 

[Flying Pig]

Evil option: Bite or scratch your daughter and make sure the marks look like it was the animal. Then your wife should see reason.
(Not something I would do, but RPGs have conditioned me to consider easy and profitable evil solutions whenever I encounter a problem).

Good option: Find a way to get the iguana laid.
(might cost money and effort, but it will bring more experience points and your wife will approve.

Both of these made me smile - especially imagining how you're going to persuade the daughter to go along with option a)

 

[tycoonist]

"IT'S ME OR THE LIZARD"

I've used the line before, it's pure gold. Guarenteed to get your way.

 

[Quackers]

Just poison it. One day it doesn't wake up, wife can't argue about that

EDIT: ahh didn't see GS also recommended that

 

[emzie]

troys things. Let it smash a vase your wife likes, or eat her favorite dress.

Evil option: Bite or scratch your daughter and make sure the marks look like it was the animal. Then your wife should see reason.
(Not something I would do, but RPGs have conditioned me to consider easy and profitable evil solutions whenever I encounter a problem).

I almost suggested this, but then I felt that was going too far. Kudos to you, sir.

 

[GoodGame]

Okay, so my wife just got her iguana back from her parents for the first time since we've been married and this thing needs to go. He is noisy, violent, and constantly wakes our baby girl up with all the noise he makes. He scratches my wife and whips me with his tail. Not to mention heating his cage is driving our electric bill through the roof.

Try mounting him on top of a lamp shade (light on). That should keep him happy.

IDK, this?
http://www.greenigsociety.org/taming.htm

Maybe it was never properly tamed.

 

[LucyDuke]

Don't lie. Anything the lizard has done to you is going to happen to your daughter if it can get near her. If your wife doesn't understand that she's not fit to own a lizard and have a child.

 

[Antilogic]

Don't lie. Anything the lizard has done to you is going to happen to your daughter if it can get near her. If your wife doesn't understand that she's not fit to own a lizard and have a child.

Yeah, this is what I'm thinking. If it's violent, if it's staying violent, then you have to make a choice with the safety of your child in mind.

 

[Takhisis]

I think she could use a beautiful lizardskin belt to compensate for the loss of her iguana.

Unless the little scaly bastard is big enough to be turned into a handbag, that is.

 

[Disgustipated]

I had no idea iguanas made so much noise. How much noise can a small creature make? At least it's not a dog. No one complains how much noise a dog makes (unless he/she barks excessively).

I don't get why people have strange pets, yet have human emotions to a non-mammal pet. It's silly, although I wouldn't tell that to your wife.

My solution is to just deal with it. Put the iguana in a separate room (if you have that much space), and never let it out of its cage or whatever it resides in. Your wife can visit him in there. Just don't let the thing out of the room and around your daughter. As for the electric bill, just deal with it. At least it's not as costly as buying bags of dog food.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

This reminds me of a situation from my childhood, involving a dog.

We got a terrier puppy that I named Tippy (he had red hair all over, but white "socks" on his feet). I liked the dog, and the dog and my dad got along wonderfully. However, the dog hated my mother and it was mutual. The dog would growl at her; I don't remember if he ever tried to bite her. But my mom got frantic at the thought of the dog turning on me, since we discovered his former owners had been men and he didn't like women. I'm inclined to think it could have been due to a woman abusing him, but whatever...

Anyway, my mom asked my dad to get rid of the dog. He refused. She kept asking; he kept saying no. So one day when my dad was at work, my mom just bundled the dog into her truck and took him to the pound. My dad was absolutely furious, and I wonder if this didn't have some part in his decision to divorce her...

Fast-forward 40+ years. In this case we're talking about now, I simply cannot understand a woman who would put a LIZARD over her CHILD. That might be the stark choice you will have to give her: "Do you love the lizard more than you love your own child? It sure looks that way..." And then tell her that for the child's sake, she MUST get rid of the iguana. I'm assuming you live in an area where there are other people who might be willing to adopt it? If so, let her arrange visitation, if she's so attached to the damn thing. Personally, I just don't get the attachment to a pet that doesn't have hair (or is at least mammalian). It's utterly creepy. And since you've allowed guinea pigs, that should be sufficient.

 

[BvBPL]

You have to lay it on the line. Tell her how the lizard is negatively affecting your standard of living and how you are worried for your child's safety. As others have said, the money thing is a non-starter so don't even bring it up.

Remind her that you've compromised your principles with the guinea pigs but that you've always been opposed to the lizard.

You can't expect her to get rid of the beast right away. Bear in mind that it may take some time for her to come around to your thinking. Be patient.

Be firm in your desire to get rid of the lizard, but also keep in mind her attachment to it. You may need to hold on to it until a foster home or similar arrangement with which your wife is comfortable can be established. In the mean time, do not falter in your determination to get rid of it, but don't force the issue too much as long as she is seeking an appropriate new home for the lizard.

If the discussion gets emotional and stays that way for some time or if you feel either of you is not communicating clearly with the other then consoling may be an option. Your therapist or clergyman can probably point you in the right direction for couple's consoling.

Tell her you love her.

 

[Shaihulud]

An Iguana is not likely to hurt a child more than a dog, or even a cat, also an Iguana would not actively seek out a person to attack. Although reptiles can be a vector for salmonella. Now a water monitor would be another matter altogether.

 

[ZeletDude]

Buy her a dog or cat.

 

[Disgustipated]

Another solution would be to buy a pet that would eat the iguana.

 

[LucyDuke]

An Iguana is not likely to hurt a child more than a dog, or even a cat, also an Iguana would not actively seek out a person to attack. Although reptiles can be a vector for salmonella. Now a water monitor would be another matter altogether.

This one sounds like a jerk.

He scratches my wife and whips me with his tail.

 

[Yeekim]

An Iguana is not likely to hurt a child more than a dog, or even a cat, also an Iguana would not actively seek out a person to attack. Although reptiles can be a vector for salmonella. Now a water monitor would be another matter altogether.

While that is true, googling photos of "iguana aggression" reveals that they may still bite pretty hard , i.e. during mating season.

@Commodore:
Show your wife this picture:
EDIT: Nasty bite wound ahead, view at your own discretion

Spoiler :

Explain that you don't want to take the risk, however small, that your kid could get bitten in a similar way. Explain that keeping the lizard caged at all times to avoid the hazard would be cruel to the animal and that returning it to her parents would be the better option for it.

 

[LucyDuke]

Spoiler?

 

[Maniacal]

I've seen worse, but yes please spoiler that.