Random Rants 0x52: [Obligatory rant about title]

[Takhisis]

Now I ask'd meself
can I really do haikus?
I hope chox likes this

 

[cardgame]

@choxorn

Then why say it anywhere, exactly, if you know it would make the person you're talking about uncomfortable?

Because this forum is about the self, not that other person. "Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth," and all that.

@MaryKB @Synsensa I can totally see where you are coming from when @The_J seemingly only posts about sexual content, but at the same time, this is blatantly obvious demonizing of male sexuality where you are basically calling him a creep for having normal sexual thoughts. I thought @Farm Boy was right on the money in the last thread. I think it's distinctly opposite of feminist to be so sex-negative and even 'the-forbidden-opposite-word-of-misogynist' to some degree.

 

[Truthy]

****! my glasses frame broke

 

[Hygro]

Syn: Sex isn't a conquest outside of diseased worldview. A worldview presumed upon other people selectively, as the case is here, as a rhetorical weapon. It's a type of crappy dialogue bullying.

Ok but the verb here in Nicaragua is literally conquistar (to conquer) and that’s the mild word here.

 

[Synobun]

@MaryKB @Synsensa I can totally see where you are coming from when @The_J seemingly only posts about sexual content, but at the same time, this is blatantly obvious demonizing of male sexuality where you are basically calling him a creep for having normal sexual thoughts. I thought @Farm Boy was right on the money in the last thread. I think it's distinctly opposite of feminist to be so sex-negative and even 'the-forbidden-opposite-word-of-misogynist' to some degree.

I don't really see how. You liked my posts in the other thread where I specifically say that it's a pattern of behaviour that universally portrays women as existing solely for sexual gratification. J's been candid that these rants and raves are a minority of his interactions and thoughts regarding women, but we only have what he actually posts about to work off of. And I've been up front that being sexual is more than okay. To take that further, being sex-focused is more than okay too. Sex is important to J, and that's fine.

The issue, ultimately, is if someone posts, say, 20 times about women, and all 20 times are variations of "I did not get to have sex with this girl." or "I am preparing to have sex with this girl." then it becomes a little questionable, especially if some of those hopes and disappointments come alongside the context of already having propositioned that girl several times and been flatly rejected each and every single time. Wanting sex is fine. Wanting sex with a specific woman is fine. Being told no and then making sure to bring a condom when you're sleeping in the same room as a woman is less fine. And I don't really think those are "normal sexual thoughts," at least in the sense of taking action.

He wants to have sex with that woman in that example? Sure! Taking action to facilitate that result when everything up to that point has made it plainly clear that it's a horrible decision and there exists no interest from the other party? Let's maybe slow down.

I have pretty loose standards when it comes to sex. I see it as something that can be had in friendships and not only committed relationships. Intimacy can be a powerful component of emotional connection between people. Of the sexually compatible friends I've had in my 20s, I've been involved with more than half of them. I am no prude. I don't think male sexuality is heinous or otherwise fundamentally impure and meant to be crushed. I just think that everyone involved in such a thing should be playing with the same deck of cards and very aware of what the score is. There should be more than just the result of sex. Your prospective sexual partners are people and should be treated as such. If all they are is a pursuit, a notch on the bedpost, then it seems reasonable to point that out as being somewhat less than stellar.

And like I said in another thread when J clarified that these posts are a minority, people can only respond based off of what they see. If everything you post about something says one thing, people are not inclined to believe another thing—at least when it comes to patterns. J's been clear that he's sex-focused but that his posts are not representative of his total interactions with women. I'm inclined to take that at face value, which is why I haven't really poked at it further beyond responding to Farm Boy calling me a hurtful fundamentalist. And now this reply, I guess, since now I'm a misandrist too.

 

[Takhisis]

Ok but the verb here in Nicaragua is literally conquistar (to conquer) and that’s the mild word here.

I am not sure that ‘conquistar’ has the same connotations as English ‘to conquer’ in English, but since it's very-late-a.m. I'd better explain this later, when in fact it's late rather than early.

 

[Phrossack]

@choxorn



Because this forum is about the self, not that other person. "Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth," and all that.

@MaryKB @Synsensa I can totally see where you are coming from when @The_J seemingly only posts about sexual content, but at the same time, this is blatantly obvious demonizing of male sexuality where you are basically calling him a creep for having normal sexual thoughts. I thought @Farm Boy was right on the money in the last thread. I think it's distinctly opposite of feminist to be so sex-negative and even 'the-forbidden-opposite-word-of-misogynist' to some degree.

My understanding of @MaryKB and @Synsensa 's position is that they thought the routine posts about hopefully getting sex were too much, and that packing a condom for a visit to a friend who had already turned down advances was disturbing persistence. J should accept rejection and move on, and not post so much about "girls" or women, but I don't think he's harassing anyone, given what I recall about what he's posted.

I wouldn't say they're demonizing male sexuality. And I'm kind of bothered by how everyone so far has assumed that men are inherently extremely horny all the time. We're not. Even before I lost my libido to depression and gave up on dating entirely, I wasn't some beast consumed with lust all the time. It's an annoying, demeaning, and false generalization.

And for my Rant: people just won't shut up about sex already.

 

[choxorn]

I don't really see how. You liked my posts in the other thread where I specifically say that it's a pattern of behaviour that universally portrays women as existing solely for sexual gratification. J's been candid that these rants and raves are a minority of his interactions and thoughts regarding women, but we only have what he actually posts about to work off of. And I've been up front that being sexual is more than okay. To take that further, being sex-focused is more than okay too. Sex is important to J, and that's fine.

The first few messages we sent at him were intended as advice as much as criticism, basically saying "You kinda give us some mild creeper vibes, maybe you're giving off those vibes to the women you talk to and you'd do better if you stopped giving off those vibes."

None of us have a problem with him being sexual, the issue is, like you said, basically all his posts about women are sexual in a way that's kind of objectifying, his posts about women and sex make up a pretty big chunk of his overall posts in Rants and Raves, and the one about his colleague was particularly off-putting.

 

[AdamCrock]

Yes! You see, the more you boil it and it stinks then the more of the bad parts that are evaporated.

You're right, we call this dish a mess bigos.

It originated on hunting parties. Nobles brought their serfs and a big cauldron with them. While nobles went hunting, serfs light up the fire and started boiling cabbage. After nobles returned with the kills, serfs just added whatever hunted wild animal on hand and stirred. Then the hunting party ate, laughed and drank, joked about how hrabia Ostaszewski been shot in the bum and after being revitalized with this highly nutritious dinner they went to hunt some more. The process could go on until serfs run out of cabbage, or the nobles run out of drinking honey (pre-vodka noble's strong drink)

 

[MaryKB]

My rant for today: my vanity light just isn't cutting it anymore. I can barely see, and it's causing me plenty of problems. This morning I ...

• poked my eye with my mascara (again!), fortunately I did that first
• spilled a couple drops of liquid foundation on my skirt, which is one of my favorites; my Tide pen doesn't seem to be getting it out
• picked up my wrong brush to touch up my concealer ... I was using bronzer
• I dunked my powder brush into my blush, and ended up blushing my entire face before I realized it

I'm (mostly) fixed up, but so annoying. I really have to get close to my mirrors because it's just so dark. My room is nicely lit, but I need some sort of bright light directly overhead so I can really see what I'm doing.

@choxorn
@MaryKB @Synsensa I can totally see where you are coming from when @The_J seemingly only posts about sexual content, but at the same time, this is blatantly obvious demonizing of male sexuality where you are basically calling him a creep for having normal sexual thoughts. I thought @Farm Boy was right on the money in the last thread. I think it's distinctly opposite of feminist to be so sex-negative and even 'the-forbidden-opposite-word-of-misogynist' to some degree.

I feel you're not really being fair, and I'm also sort of confused by your take. I don't feel I have any sort of prudish attitude towards sexuality, and I find male energy as invigorating as anyone.

But I think what's at issue is what you're calling "normal sexual thoughts", and I don't feel normal equals acceptable. In fact, I feel that how some of these thoughts are viewed as normal is exactly the problem, and creates a hostile atmosphere for women.

I remember reading long ago about how Gaston is the scariest Disney villain, because he's the one you're most likely to meet in real life. What makes Gaston incredibly terrifying (remember he plans to subject Belle to a life of rape and slavery) is how his behavior is viewed as "normal" by the village. No one has a problem with what he wants to do, and Belle has no recourse for protection; he's very much like Biff from Back to the Future, but with much more social power. What's a problem is that he really does have the power granted to him by society to ultimately do what he wants with Belle. Disney's story is a simplified cartoon of course, but this type of thing is really going on all the time.

I'm not in the least bit upset that J is a heterosexual man and is attracted to women. What does upset me is his pattern of posting behavior of how he expresses a view of women as not being full people. He very clearly gives the impression he thinks of women as existing to satisfy his desires.

Remember that disgusting pick-up-artist thread? J was one of the people defending the original post, talking about "the game" and manipulating social situations to get what you want. He also posted in that deserted island video game thread that what he'd really want if he was marooned was lots and lots of pornography. One of my first things I remember that sort of made me raise my eyebrow was quite a while ago, when he finished with his school he made some comment about breaking up with his girlfriend. Now like obviously relationships end, but there was just something in how he spoke that came off as if he's casually discarding her, like he's gotten what he wants and now he wants to move on to the next "girl" (and of course he frequently refers to women as girls, and actively argues against people who ask others not to do this)

This isn't some sort of archaic "men's lodge" where a bunch of men sit around and privately debase women. This community's supposed to be friendly to all genders, and when men are making comments that make me feel like they view my entire sex as less than human, it's going to feel hostile to me. And I'm not the only one, other women I've spoken to privately also feel very grossed out and threatened by his behavior.

He says he hasn't had sex this year, and is lamenting his lack of success on a dating website, some women offer him our perspectives of how he comes across to us. Does he even for a moment consider that these might be connected? No, he just doubles down and has no intention of any kind of self reflection, or I guess any interest in attracting self-respecting women but will just continue with his "game" and hope to "score."

And that's why I view him as a predator. He can say whatever he wants about how I "don't know him" ... I'm sorry, but I'm going to go by how he interacts with me and around me and not just take his word.

 

[Arakhor]

Moderator Action: I think that this topic has gone on long enough. This is the Random Rants thread after all.

 

[Farm Boy]

Jackasses. Turn on the TV, turn on the radio, turn on the internet. Jackasses. Everywhere. Not new, not novel, not surprising, but ungh. Every now and then the rant just needs to be jackasses.

Ok but the verb here in Nicaragua is literally conquistar (to conquer) and that’s the mild word here.

And we could get into all the gradations positive and negative of the verb "to fhuuuu...." of the condition of "being fhuuuu'ed."

Lol. Just noticed "predator." W/e. Previous point applies.

 

[The_J]

While I was about to write something...
err... I had to get up early today, and that annoys me. And 3 meetings for a day are too many given that I'm actually not getting paid for this.

 

[Phrossack]

Rant: a month or so ago I went to a foot doctor. He took a quick look, said my problems weren't bad enough to really be worth doing anything about, I agreed, and he sent me on my way without me paying anything.

Yesterday I got the bill. Almost $90 for a quick eyeballing, and I have to mail it as a check. I don't think I even have a checkbook, I don't even know where to put outgoing mail, I don't have stamps, and I don't have a car to get these things. My other doctors let me pay online, but this guy looked about 90 and his small office probably won't do things that way. So I am pissed.

It's things like these that create Communist sympathizers, I tell you.

 

[Synobun]

Your bank can write an individual cheque for you.

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

Rant: I woke up with a bruise on my knee.

 

[Farm Boy]

Some grocers sell stamps. At least they last these days("forever" stamps), instead of becoming less useful when the rates change.

 

[MaryKB]

Rant: a month or so ago I went to a foot doctor. He took a quick look, said my problems weren't bad enough to really be worth doing anything about, I agreed, and he sent me on my way without me paying anything.

Yesterday I got the bill. Almost $90 for a quick eyeballing, and I have to mail it as a check. I don't think I even have a checkbook, I don't even know where to put outgoing mail, I don't have stamps, and I don't have a car to get these things. My other doctors let me pay online, but this guy looked about 90 and his small office probably won't do things that way. So I am pissed.

It's things like these that create Communist sympathizers, I tell you.

You can probably still pay using your online banking! Just go to add a new payee, and you should be able to enter their name and address and everything, and even put your account number in the memo line. Your bank will then print and mail a check to his office!

 

[shadowplay]

Can confirm this years flu shot caused more pain in the muscle than usual.

Also learned: apparently taking NSAIDs like ibuprofen reduces the effectiveness of a flu shot

 

[Takhisis]

You're right, we call this dish a mess bigos.

It originated on hunting parties. Nobles brought their serfs and a big cauldron with them. While nobles went hunting, serfs light up the fire and started boiling cabbage. After nobles returned with the kills, serfs just added whatever hunted wild animal on hand and stirred. Then the hunting party ate, laughed and drank, joked about how hrabia Ostaszewski been shot in the bum and after being revitalized with this highly nutritious dinner they went to hunt some more. The process could go on until serfs run out of cabbage, or the nobles run out of drinking honey (pre-vodka noble's strong drink)

Ah, the days of mead-drinkers.

I know that you are not Germans, but the process above does not sound that different from a choucroute garnie -long-boiled cabbage and then add in meat.

btw did Count Ostaszewksi recover from his gluteal wound?