Random Rants LIII: F My Life

[Visorslash]

OK, I'll talk to your mom and she'll allow you to eat sugar again.

Weather is crap, can't play any cricket.

 

[H4run]

Kindle keeps deleting my posts as I make them.

I put off two papers and a test until now, and wasted all of spring break. Idiot.

And the future absolutely terrifies and depresses me. Everything I care about is disappearing. Few people understand my concerns, even fewer care. I'm young but I'm already a relic scorned and mocked for being "obsolete." I feel like an utter foreigner everywhere I go because my values, beliefs, and interests are so radically different from everyone else's.

It doesn't help that I have virtually no noteworthy accomplishments to take pride in, and have no particularly useful talents.

And I really need to spend less time here. But it's too addictive. Maybe after next week or so, there are a few threads too good to ignore.

I always imagine you as an old man by your avatar. I think you shouldn't express everything like politics, ideology or your belief in life or what ever to everyone you meet, some talks are just not for everybody. You should put the right things in the right place.

Peoples are love to be listen, you don't need to always commenting especially if it useless. Just listen and understand them. Then God willing you will find a little bit change in your life. Just try to help. About social skill and stuff, I pretty much feel the same about myself, but as I'm religious provision for me is in the hand of God, while the only thing I can do is do my best and try to accept what ever come after I do my best.

The best you can is good enough.

 

[The_J]

I'll not get the course material done til Tuesday.
My professor will tear my head off.
Crap.

 

[cybrxkhan]

I'll not get the course material done til Tuesday.
My professor will tear my head off.
Crap.

Uh-uh.

 

[Kennigit]

yesterday/today were just plain bad

ah well, they're gone now

 

[The_J]

I wished I could say that :/.

Uh-uh.

Yeah, that.
I have something written down, but this, including the presentation/training material, boils down to "this is how you should not do it".
I'll put a few hours tomorrow, the whole Sunday, and if necessary the Monday (the course starts then, and I'm actually supposed to follow it, not to give it), and hope that the results somehow get more reasonable. Not that the timeframe gets better. It will totally not need as much time as it has been scheduled for that.
I've now been trying for 1.5 - 2 weeks to prepare material, which is not worth 1 hour for demonstration purposes, and doesn't replicate the results from the related publication.
Oh man.
I should have become a bricklayer. Life would be so much easier.

At least the poster for the conference is ready. Hope that one will get accepted. (not that it's my poster, I'm only in the middle...because I didn't have really any material to put on...that's slightly related to the rant above)

I wished that crap was already over.
This current month is just too much.
It's still Friday evening. And I'll go to bed now. Because I have to get up early tomorrow...crap.

 

[Takhisis]

I should write less stuff in class. Less non-related-to-class stuff, that is. I've been like an hour and a half typing it all into this thing I call computer and I'm not even halfway done.

You should post more in class.

I always imagine you as an old man by your avatar. I think you shouldn't express everything like politics, ideology or your belief in life or what ever to everyone you meet, some talks are just not for everybody. You should put the right things in the right place.

Peoples are love to be listen, you don't need to always commenting especially if it useless. Just listen and understand them. Then God willing you will find a little bit change in your life. Just try to help. About social skill and stuff, I pretty much feel the same about myself, but as I'm religious provision for me is in the hand of God, while the only thing I can do is do my best and try to accept what ever come after I do my best.

The best you can is good enough.

Words of wisdom from Mr. haroon. Hark, Phrossack!

 

[Phrossack]

I always imagine you as an old man by your avatar. I think you shouldn't express everything like politics, ideology or your belief in life or what ever to everyone you meet, some talks are just not for everybody. You should put the right things in the right place.

Peoples are love to be listen, you don't need to always commenting especially if it useless. Just listen and understand them. Then God willing you will find a little bit change in your life. Just try to help. About social skill and stuff, I pretty much feel the same about myself, but as I'm religious provision for me is in the hand of God, while the only thing I can do is do my best and try to accept what ever come after I do my best.

The best you can is good enough.

Funny, I always imagined you as an atom.

Spoiler long rant :

If I understand you, you're saying that I should keep quiet about my beliefs, listen to others, and try my best. But I already do keep quiet about my beliefs; I rarely share them except with very close friends, since they're the only ones who can be relied on not to attack or give destructive criticism. Other people, though, would just think I'm really weird. So I mainly describe my views very indirectly, through negatives. For example, I criticize capitalism, communism, libertarianism, democracy, dictatorship, monarchy, etc., but I never directly say what I do believe in. If nobody knows what I believe in, they can't possibly mock me for my beliefs. It generally works well- whenever I criticize someone's ideology, they don't try to defend it; they just blindly lash out at what they assume must be my ideology, not realizing or caring that I don't actually believe in that. If I criticize communism, they'll reflexively attack the US and capitalism, even though I don't actually support either. It's amusing, though a little sad. But people like to talk about themselves and their beliefs, and I'm no exception. It sucks not being able to express myself. I don't have any nearby wells to yell down, and I can only see most of my friends during long breaks from school, so I have few people I trust to talk to.

As for listening? The more I listen to others, the more alienated I tend to become from "my" society and "culture." The more I know about it, the more I realize just how little I fit in with it. It's an odd and uncomfortable thing, feeling like a foreigner in my own hometown, state, and country. And naturally, if I'm listening to someone talk to me, at some point I'll want to reply.

As for trying my best, I'm cripplingly lazy and a severe procrastinator. It doesn't help that I'm also a perfectionist with mercilessly high, even unrealistic standards. For example, I'm ashamed of my foreign language skills, even though I'm probably the best in my classes despite being the youngest and despite having never studied abroad. That's because I see foreigners master their own language, then English, then another language or two or ten, while I'm only conversational in German. It doesn't help seeing even other Americans like Owen Glyndwr master no fewer than three foreign languages, including very useful languages like French and Spanish that I will never want to learn because I simply don't find them interesting. And he knows IPA. And can understand twisted linguistic jargon like "glottal alveolar affricative aspirated" and understands things like Grimm's Law and complex etymology. It's easy to say that I should stop setting myself up for failure by comparing myself to the best of my peers, and that I should stop being lazy, but it's not so easy to do. Those flaws are parts of me.

Also, I'm an atheist, so I don't have the comfort or sense of purpose of religion. This doesn't mean I have to lack a source of comfort and guidance, of course--that's a common misconception about atheists-- but whatever that source may be if I find one, it won't be religion.
So what am I to do?

 

[cybrxkhan]

THis isn't too much a rant, but this probably shouldn't go under raves...

Just had a bit if an interesting earthquake here in SoCal... probably the biggest I've been in in a while. It's nothing serious, though, obviously otherwise I wouldn't be typing this, but it is a magnitude 5.4, so I do think there may have been some minor damage closer to the epicenter (I googled it and it appears I'm about 20-25 miles from the epicenter).

Actually now that I think about it a magnitude 5.4 earthquake is probably the biggest earthquake I can remember... I may have experienced a larger one when I was a little kid, but this one's the largest one I can remember. The next largest would've been a magnitude 4.something that happened in the middle of the night during my senior year of high school; since it woke me up I was half-awake and thought there was a nuclear war or something, that was annoying.

EDIT: Okay, I have more reason to rant. A seismologist told the LA Times "There [is a 5% chance that there will] be even a larger earthquake in the next few hours or the next few days."

 

[The_J]

Well, good luck with that :/.

 

[Leonel]

I can't believe my mom. The first serious relationship that has lasted more than a month which will be about 5 months by the time I wanted to introduce her to my folks and she won't meet her. My dad was excited but my mom told him she didn't want to because my girlfriend is black.

This is the exact same situation my mom went through with my dad's parents too. At the least, when she first met my grandma, her and my dad were already married which is far from the case with me and my girlfriend. My grandpa was nervous about my mom but grew to love her like a daughter but my grandma never warmed up to her until she was dying of dementia. Not to mention my dad has more of a reason to be suspicious of blacks in general, if there ever is a reason, since he left the US just as the Civil Rights movement was starting to turn some heads yet even he's willing to put aside his prejudices. He already heard glowing reviews from my sister and her husband so that helped, but still.

For those who don't know, my mom has a list of races she doesn't like. When I first found out about it, the races on her list were Japanese (war time atrocities), Indians and Filipinos (personal bad experiences with them) and blacks and Hispanics (she sees them as gangbangers from TV and Fox News). However now Japanese are off her list. Hispanics are off her list because she now perceives them as hard working and industrious and Filipinos are sort of on probation on good behavior since she's having a good experience with a family now.

But still on her list are Indians and blacks. Her reason for blacks is that she thinks they all have a family member in jail. That maybe somewhat true for my girlfriend's sister's boyfriends, but they're both white so I don't think that even counts on multiple levels. Plus, my mom even told me that one of my uncles was a political prisoner during the communist purges in Indonesia.

I'm thinking of bringing her down to Portland anyway. We'll enjoy wandering the city anyway and hanging out with my sister and her husband and I'll leave my girlfriend with them so I can pop in and say hi to my folks. Heck I'll probably have my dad come meet Stacie over breakfast so my mom doesn't have to see her.

 

[H4run]

Funny, I always imagined you as an atom.

Spoiler long rant :

If I understand you, you're saying that I should keep quiet about my beliefs, listen to others, and try my best. But I already do keep quiet about my beliefs; I rarely share them except with very close friends, since they're the only ones who can be relied on not to attack or give destructive criticism. Other people, though, would just think I'm really weird. So I mainly describe my views very indirectly, through negatives. For example, I criticize capitalism, communism, libertarianism, democracy, dictatorship, monarchy, etc., but I never directly say what I do believe in. If nobody knows what I believe in, they can't possibly mock me for my beliefs. It generally works well- whenever I criticize someone's ideology, they don't try to defend it; they just blindly lash out at what they assume must be my ideology, not realizing or caring that I don't actually believe in that. If I criticize communism, they'll reflexively attack the US and capitalism, even though I don't actually support either. It's amusing, though a little sad. But people like to talk about themselves and their beliefs, and I'm no exception. It sucks not being able to express myself. I don't have any nearby wells to yell down, and I can only see most of my friends during long breaks from school, so I have few people I trust to talk to.

As for listening? The more I listen to others, the more alienated I tend to become from "my" society and "culture." The more I know about it, the more I realize just how little I fit in with it. It's an odd and uncomfortable thing, feeling like a foreigner in my own hometown, state, and country. And naturally, if I'm listening to someone talk to me, at some point I'll want to reply.

As for trying my best, I'm cripplingly lazy and a severe procrastinator. It doesn't help that I'm also a perfectionist with mercilessly high, even unrealistic standards. For example, I'm ashamed of my foreign language skills, even though I'm probably the best in my classes despite being the youngest and despite having never studied abroad. That's because I see foreigners master their own language, then English, then another language or two or ten, while I'm only conversational in German. It doesn't help seeing even other Americans like Owen Glyndwr master no fewer than three foreign languages, including very useful languages like French and Spanish that I will never want to learn because I simply don't find them interesting. And he knows IPA. And can understand twisted linguistic jargon like "glottal alveolar affricative aspirated" and understands things like Grimm's Law and complex etymology. It's easy to say that I should stop setting myself up for failure by comparing myself to the best of my peers, and that I should stop being lazy, but it's not so easy to do. Those flaws are parts of me.

Also, I'm an atheist, so I don't have the comfort or sense of purpose of religion. This doesn't mean I have to lack a source of comfort and guidance, of course--that's a common misconception about atheists-- but whatever that source may be if I find one, it won't be religion.
So what am I to do?

I'm just an atom comparing compare to this vast universe

Spoiler :

I understand your feeling, if your best friends able to respect you and able to deal with difference opinion without being abusive then you are lucky. But if that is not the case and I afraid it will be always not like that, me for myself, I always try to inspect my best friends personality, both their negative and positive side, and try to press their negative side and supported their positive side. Best friends for me mean, I able to tolerate or control their negative side and I fond to their positive side, and so are they.

Peoples is complicated I agree with you, if you are tolerate them so much they tend to be abusive especially if they think they can go unpublishable by being abusive, if you are so strict they go away from you, that is why there is a place for everything, and it is not the matter of intellectual to know when to strict and how strict, and when to tolerate and patience and how far, but it is the matter of wisdom, which is something that becoming rare and rare now aday in the society that glorify intellect but not really care about wisdom, me myself still feel lack about it and should learn more.

The best things is surround yourselves with someone that can construct you, with someone that you feel they spreading a positive atmosphere and good mood for you, and you should take care of these peoples and know what they are like and dislike and do something in their favour, because you don't want to end up losing them also, because we potentially abuse and anger someone that actually love us, as we also often get abused by society but without notice we do sometime careless about peoples that care to us, and abuse them in many ways. I observe the more we close to someone that kind to us, strangely the more also we becoming potentially not thinkful to this particular persons, because we don't afraid to lose them, sometime we take them as granted. Peoples should be more brave to someone abusive toward them, and becoming more patience, humble and compassionate with someone that actually care for them or someone that is vulnerable to their power. While many act the otherwise without their notice.

I don't agree when peoples said that we shouldn't picky on finding friends, because I picky to chose my circle since in university because I mess up most of my teenager because befriend with a wrong peoples. And stay away from someone who can be counter productive for your development, if you are young you have many things to do you don't have time for this kind of peoples.

I have couples of friends whom their personality had been destroy or assassinated psychologically by other in student organization, they end up in seclusion like a turtle, remember, surviving mean staying alive while surrender mean death. Abusive person sometime deserve another abuse, if they throw a hurtful words to you, you can throw quite similar in return, because they deserve it, so next time they will think twice to do it to you or other peoples. And I perfectly know what you are talking about, I just experienced it couples of days ago. But if you unable to fight back, draw a line and act formally near them and talk less, don't let their words enter your mind, you must understand it is not the truth, you must learn to believe yourselves before other start to put faith in you. As you cannot expect to be love by other if you not able to love yourselves, you also cannot expect to be trust by other if you first not able to trust yourselves. If you already trust yourselves, how abusive their assertion are, it will not harmful enough to kill your psychology.

In the world where talking peoples prevail this world need unlimited amount of listeners, and listener become the rare quality of peoples that actually aware of what happening, and the existence of this peoples prove to be more importances, so don't worry on "listening too much". You may not able to penetrate peoples heart and mind, but I know you know that there's peoples that just talk for talk, they not actually welcome your respond, and how good your respond are it will not penetrate them. I learn this years ago, it give me more peace in my life. Because arguing with peoples who really doesn't care about discussion will not contribute you anything, but in return if you listen to them and be more mature than them, they love you and treat you like their brother. Not to say that you must be conformist, just listen and respond to derive more information take it as somekind of observation.

In Turkey the first time I arrive here I just know two words "evet" mean yes and "pardon" mean sorry, and I can use this two words with facial expression and an old woman come to me and talk for half an hour in the restaurant without I knowing anything what is she talking about. And she also not bother to ask, you see more peoples they just want to talk they not even care if you are understand or not.

Two source of suffering. Hope and fear. Not getting what you hope and experiencing something that you fear. The more you able to reduce both of it, the happier you are. And you know setting unreliable hope that mean also bring a great suffering for yourselves. I was a very bad boy in my teenager, and lazy also, now I getting better with religion but I'm still a lazy person. So again I know your feeling, however punishing yourselves with guilty feeling and depression will make a lazy person more lazy. So instead of weeping for the sheep that you already lost, you should set your psychology to maintain the rest of the sheep that you still have right now, because if you depress, the other sheep will go also, and opportunity that lost and time that pass, will hardly come back to you again. And don't look up, you should look down, many peoples unable to posses the knowledge that you have right now, being grateful but never satisfy it always more contributing than being pessimistic.

Hope it help

 

[cybrxkhan]

Noooooooooooooooooooooo my facebook has a new format again y u keep changing

 

[choxorn]

I can't believe my mom. The first serious relationship that has lasted more than a month which will be about 5 months by the time I wanted to introduce her to my folks and she won't meet her. My dad was excited but my mom told him she didn't want to because my girlfriend is black.

This is the exact same situation my mom went through with my dad's parents too. At the least, when she first met my grandma, her and my dad were already married which is far from the case with me and my girlfriend. My grandpa was nervous about my mom but grew to love her like a daughter but my grandma never warmed up to her until she was dying of dementia. Not to mention my dad has more of a reason to be suspicious of blacks in general, if there ever is a reason, since he left the US just as the Civil Rights movement was starting to turn some heads yet even he's willing to put aside his prejudices. He already heard glowing reviews from my sister and her husband so that helped, but still.

For those who don't know, my mom has a list of races she doesn't like. When I first found out about it, the races on her list were Japanese (war time atrocities), Indians and Filipinos (personal bad experiences with them) and blacks and Hispanics (she sees them as gangbangers from TV and Fox News). However now Japanese are off her list. Hispanics are off her list because she now perceives them as hard working and industrious and Filipinos are sort of on probation on good behavior since she's having a good experience with a family now.

But still on her list are Indians and blacks. Her reason for blacks is that she thinks they all have a family member in jail. That maybe somewhat true for my girlfriend's sister's boyfriends, but they're both white so I don't think that even counts on multiple levels. Plus, my mom even told me that one of my uncles was a political prisoner during the communist purges in Indonesia.

I'm thinking of bringing her down to Portland anyway. We'll enjoy wandering the city anyway and hanging out with my sister and her husband and I'll leave my girlfriend with them so I can pop in and say hi to my folks. Heck I'll probably have my dad come meet Stacie over breakfast so my mom doesn't have to see her.

Sorry your mom is so racist.

 

[Takhisis]

@cybrxkhan: y u use fakebook?

@choxorn: seems to be the case.

 

[cybrxkhan]

@cybrxkhan: y u use fakebook?

It's the only way I've been able to keep up and stay in contact with my old friends.

 

[Kennigit]

My how time flies.

Anyways, all set to be like this "news" article:
"College Senior Already Has Grueling 14-Month Employment Search Lined Up After Graduation"

I'm not really quite sure how I just fundamentally do so many things wrong. I don't really mean on the job hunt, I mean just the way that I live life: I'm never good at what I want to be good at, I set the wrong goals for myself all the time, the past 3 years I've essentially been very indecisive in what I actually hoped to achieve and thus failed on all ~3.5 paths I, at one time or another, wished to pursue, I don't handle interpersonal relations well (I'm not the worst on that though), I haven't spent any of my time well, etc.

Ah well. I suppose that is just how everybody lives life though.

 

[Tee Kay]

I supposed to leave for Thailand today. Due to a fantastic series of cock-ups stretching back a year I had to move my flight to Thursday.

 

[W|M]

Spoiler :

Thread title is more relevant to me than it has ever been

 

[The_J]

If I now read about Leonel's, Kennigit's and west india man's problems, then I'm suddently releaved that my biggest problem right now is to work on a Sunday.

@Leonel: Just try to introduce her somehow. Doesn't have to be prepared for that. Most people will just get used to other people after they've met them.

@Kennigit: You have a degree, right? So definitely not everything was wasted.

@west india man: You don't want a girl which makes out with an undefined amount of people per night, do you?


...and now I'll be gone in a second. To work. Bah.