Roll II Rule

[gay_Aleks]

At least they left California alone.

That's good.

 

[Terran Empress]

ACTION:

Implement a Universal Basic Income for everyone who serves or has served within the Imperial Military

 

[NinjaCow64]

To: Australian Capital Territory
Sylvester Namurr has been named ambassador to Australia and Tasmania. After previous discussions with the Australian Capital Territory government, he will be making a visit before heading to Tasmania. He will be accompanied by a small group of scientists and security detail, seeking to collect flora and fauna samples. Tasmania is hailed as a holy site by many in the Faxumite Empire, so the visit to the area has enormous cultural significance. The Empire requests the ACT's public signing off of this joint diplomatic and scientific expedition.

To: Emperor Tani I of the Faxumite Empire
CC: Ambassador Sylvester Namurr

Sorry about that, this got lost in my email folder. Its surprising the amount of email you get as a head of state. Anyways, yeah the expedition is totally fine as long as my chief scientist, Winston from Overwatch, can come along to supervise the whole thing. Also don't try annexing Tasmania, I'll get pretty angry.

Sylvester Namurr will be set up in one of the many embassies we have in Canberra. Seriously, there's like a whole suburb devoted to them. In return I'll send Ambassadors Coco and Crash Bandicoot over as ambassadors from Canberra, which I'm sure you'll be extremely pleased about.

Now one last question and I have a feeling I'm going to regret asking this, but...

For starters, the Emperor (or, on occasion, Empress; Emperors are sometimes lovingly called "Emper-furs") gains his position by ritualistically consuming the previous one (putting the “ate” in “state”).

...please tell me your predecessor was dead before you ate him.

May Saber preserve us all,

NinjaCow64, Prime Minister for Life of the Australian Capital Territory.

 

[NinjaCow64]

"Well, now that I've sent ambassadors to two nations, may as well send one to all of them..."

[TABLE="head"]Country|Ambassador|Reason
United States of America|Joe Hockey|Worst country gets worst girl as ambassador. Also he was ambassador to the United States before the EKNC became a thing and honestly I can't be arsed to get rid of him.
Cult of Minimalism|John Smith|Simple cults get simple people. Well, not simple as in stupid, but like John Smith is a pretty plain guy. Cheese sandwich for lunch sort of guy. Wife and two kids sort of guy. Has a secret pog fetish sort of guy.
Australian Capital Territory|N/A|Wait a second...that's me!
CivCube Action Hour Congo|Zenyatta|Omnics are cool also CivCube is a cyborg. Why Zenyatta specificly though? Well of the other canonical Omnics, Orisa is way too young (she'll turn 22 tomorrow and by 22 I mean 22 days), Bastion literally can't speak, Mondatta is too busy being dead and everyone else is a minor NPC. Also Zenyatta is pretty chill.
West Congo|Westman Johnson|The Johnsons are quadruplets.
South Congo|Southman Johnson|The Johnsons are quadruplets.
East Congo|Eastman Johnson|The Johnsons are quadruplets.
Azande Rebels|Northman Johnson|The Johnsons are quadruplets.
Kingdom of Great Britain|Jim Sterling|Its Jim Freaking Sterling son.
Feminist Union of Namibia|Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin|IDK it seems appropriate also First Dog on the Moon is funny also women.
European Federation|Richard di Natale|Closest thing we have to Martin Schulz P.S Mr Schulz would you please allow di Natale to borrow some of your HOHE ENERGIE? I want him to win next federal election. Or at least get balance of power in the senate.
World Lakes|N/A|Wait you are lakes also your Lord is a citizen of Canberra. I guess we can send an ambassador if you really want, but idk it seems weird.
Empire of Ài|Reus|Yeah I know he's Indonesian, but this is literally his fetish also he basically played as this nation in IdIOT. Seems appropriate. P.S all international communications are screened by ex-SCP Foundation Memeticist for stuff for trying to hypnotise people also Reus is screened daily via video conference so don't try anything fishy okay?
Republic of China|Mr. E|No relation to Mr. T.
People's Republic of China|Mr. N| Wow, you put no effort into this next lot did you Ninja?
Shen Yun Performing Arts|Mr. E|No relation to the other Mr. E, possible relation to Mr. T.
Candidate Manchuria|Mr. R|Hmm...
Greater Joseon|Mr. J|No relation to the Joker, but that has me thinking...
Platinum Horde|Mr. A|Is there some sort of secret meme here?
Soviet Far East|Mr. K|Ah! There it is!
Hoxha's Bunker Emporium|N/A|Is this getting NPCed or WoGed or...? Don't want to send any ambassadors to die on the ice without knowing for sure.
Volksreich der Frau|Jacqui Lambi|The one person I know whose political positions are as strange and unorthodox as this country's also women.
Empire of Majterre|Gary Mehigan, George Calombaris and Matt Preston|NEXT TIME ON MASTERCHEF, HOW WILL OUR CONTESTANTS JUDGES DEAL WITH THE PRESSURES OF BEING AMBASSADOR TO SORT-OF-FRANCE-BUT-NOT-REALLY?
Faxumite Empire|Coco and Crash Bandicoot|Obvious reasons. Would have sent Ty, but I have literally never played that game. Would have sent Crash by himself, but he can only say "OH NO!" and you need a little more than that to be an ambassador.
Nuevo Oso República de California|Rog Stockburger|He's a great meme and he's going to carry that weight.
Kiwi Empire|Beached As Whale| I'm beached as!
Khmer Effervescent Thalassocracy|Dharmendra Rada|this is snek
Sultanate of Istanbul|They Might Be Giants|Its Istanbul not Constantinople...
[/TABLE]

 

[gay_Aleks]

We hope Mr. Stockburger has ended his relations with that notorious hacker, *****, although we do agree with the things he has said. Wise man.

 

[e350tb]

Jim Sterling is enthusiastically welcomed to London.

 

[CivCube]

Not Action: The CivCube Action Hour Congo welcomes Zenyatta with a balanced cyborg breakfast!

Action: Time to see what my brilliant scientists are up to!

 

[Ailedhoo]

Káto Tragoudistís, our minotaur diplomat to Australia, will wish to declare that Majtere welcomes Australia's three ambassadors to our realm!

 

[poketwo]

The Cult of minimalism welcomes the new convert Ambassador from the saber-HERETICSworshipers from the Aussies. He shall be inductedintroduced to our customs and will thoroughly practice understand them.
PRAISE THE DICE! GLORY TO THE NEW FUTURE!

 

[Double A]

I can't really see Jim wanting to go back to England.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Action: Send our trade ships manned by our cutest and fluffiest traders around the world to set up trade posts to expand our influence! :3

(More to come, sorry for the undue delay)

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Help the refugees settle nicely in Istanbul, making sure they all have decent lifestyles, a nice safe home, and put them on the road to becoming full citizens of the State.

5 (8): Even though you've only received a couple thousand people this turn, it's already starting to strain available resources. +2000 population in Istanbul, -$400 wealth taxable.

Hire support staff. The Emperor values brains as much as looks!

19: In the first cabinet expansion since... well, the state's founding, multiple "ministers" have been "hired" for the purpose of "executing stately duties". Nobody's entirely sure what this entails, but odds are the government will now actually be "governing" again. +1 Action to Tani I.

Make DoubleA a citizen of Canberra.

9: Expedited though it is, the procedure encounters a minor hiccup when you realize he has no contact information by which to schedule the swearing-in ceremony.

THE PROPHET, THAT IS I, SHALL TRAIN A LARGE AMOUNT OF MISSIONARIES IN THE WAYS OF CONVERTING PEOPLE TO THE CULT OF MINIMALISM.

15: You know what would make door-to-door go even faster? More travelling pairs! Genius! -480 population in Dicetopia, all standing Platoons are upgraded to Companies.

Start a PR campaign to promote the United States abroad; mention the law and order, the lack of red tape and regulations, the legalization of all drugs and the tourist sites. The PR campaign will target both investors and tourists while also trying to enhance our reputation among other nations. PewDiePie will be hired to organize the campaign.

*roll*
You approach Pewds with the assignment.
4: Still reeling from the whole Nazi fiasco, he was probably a poor choice for a PR campaign of this magnitude. Lingering public disaffection combined with the absurdity of a Let's Player acting as government spokesman does not bode well for America's image abroad. PewDiePie hired as Secretary of Foreign Investment and Tourism: -3 diplomacy everywhere.

Have Empress Esther use her magic to manipulate the weather into being much fairer and ideal for farmers, thus improving the production of food.

2 (4): A noble idea; too bad large-scale disruption of continental weather patterns fed back into the climate in unexpected ways. Violent storms have ruined the harvest in France, while widespread flooding has caused a ripple effect in neighbouring states. Esther's approval falls by 5%. Majterre loses 2 Stability, -1% urban population and -10% strength to its standing army due to famine; Majterre, Britain, the EuroFed and the Volksreich suffer -2 to agriculture for the next six turns from the disrupted weather patterns.

Construct and commission the Intrepid, an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer.

8 (11): Plans are approved for a ship even more monstrous than the barely-feasible Revengeance at the low low price of $55 million; estimated time to completion: 20 turns.

Engage in PR campaign to get people to like me more than Schulz. Send the King to address the people and put out a nice ad campaign. Do not allow Rimmer anywhere near said campaign.

15: Invoking the tried-and-true tropes of British steel and never surrendah and once-more-unto-the-breach-dear-friends, King George sways back majority Londonite sympathy to the Crown. British-owned London gains +1 Loyalty, +1 ideological defence; Labour approval rises 15%.

Ride around British rails on a whistle-stop tour on the Schulzbahn. We must show that CHOO CHOO and HOHE ENERGIE can overpower the divisiveness and backwardness of these ukippers

13: The cosmopolitan connexion circuit is a moderate success. In addition to your default first-time support boost, SPD sympathy in Britain increases by 5%.

the highest priority thing is charge people money for lake use.

8: You receive tree fiddy from Canberra, but no-one else is coughing up.

Create the Blue Bus, a vehicle of wonder and whimsy which will one day tour the cities of America, and unite the US under a single...

...feeling of unification, man. All Americans, whether they're white, brown, queer or not, will one day, feel that they're just one big whole and no more wars will be fought.

6: Even after laying down an advance of $4000, the project stalls on account of a critical shortage of blue paint! Perhaps the geographic institute could've found a different way to demarcate the borders...

Drop our hottest single and diss track, Red and Black, in order to raise funds for the state

20 (20): "Red and Black" becomes a platinum bestseller in a matter of days, craftily weaseling the decadent Capitalist consumer market out of a cool $200 million. It's also a huge morale boost to the troops and a further encouragement for volunteer forces. All units gain +2 morale for the next 10 turns; friendly Canadian units have rallied at the Quebec and New Brunswick borders.

Implement a Universal Basic Income for everyone who serves or has served within the Imperial Military

13 (15): The simple yet effective move improves the standard of living, and thereby the happiness, of military personnel both during and after service. +1 military happiness and +$1500 wealth taxable from a fiscally-empowered citizenry.

Time to see what my brilliant scientists are up to!

5 (6): Mostly they're gazing despairingly at the World Map while clutching their heads and moaning "Why, God?! Whyyyyyy?!"

Send our trade ships manned by our cutest and fluffiest traders around the world to set up trade posts to expand our influence! :3

20: You establish what promise to be lucrative trade routes with port cities in Namibia, FranceMajterre, Germany, California and Korea for reciprocal exchange of much-needed goods. +3 national influence and +1 mutual diplomacy with Majterre, Namibia, California, the Volksreich, and Greater Joseon.

News on the March

Hoxa Claims Possession by "Revisionists"
Esteemed mëmëlord and the World's "Only True Socialist" Enver Hoxha emerged from his catatonic state earlier today, claiming he had been "possessed by revisionists". The exact details of this phenomenon remain shrouded in Lysenkoist purges mystery, though claims that the Albanian government-in-exile has expansionist plans on the African continent have met with rigorous denial.

Hoxha's Bunker Emporium is now an NPC.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Action: Contact DoubleA though CFC. Like he's right there, I talked to him last week.

OOC: We should all try and get our actions done ASAP, the faster the orders are in the faster the game can update and the faster the game will go. If we keep a once a week update schedule then this might go forever.

 

[poketwo]

Action:
I, THE PROPHET, SHALL TAKE THE 3RD AND 4TH EVANGELISTS COMPANIES ALONG WITH ME TO CONVERT THE PEOPLE OF THE PLATINUM HORDE. THIS IS NOT A MILITARY ACTION, ONLY A PEACEFULLY GATHERING OF MISSIONARIES SPREADING THEIR RELIGION.

rp coming MAYBE.

 

[Mathalamus]

The Sultan of Istanbul was displeased that his idea failed to work. he apologized to the people of Istanbul, and will try to do a better job, next time.

Action: Pass a law, giving people the right to elect the senate. 100 seats available to be elected. three primary parties are created: on the left is the liberal party. on the center is the Conservative party. on the right is the Nationalist Party.

the senate is little more than a voice of the people, but the sultan will do his best to act according to the peoples wishes. all the power still remains within the Sultan.

(note: thor is free to actually tell me what the people wishes.)

 

[Double A]

Do that weird thing I said to get people to pay me money out of adoration (and then sue anyone who doesn't).

 

[NinjaCow64]

"Hey Thor, why doesn't my nation have political parties/organisations? I guess I'll make one myself as a free cosmetic action..."

Canberra United National Front

The Canberra United National Front is the only political party in Canberra. Technically it is a pro-government coalition of all the existing parties in Canberra. Other political parties aren't banned, but none of them exist as apparently I have 100% approval rating. I ain't complaining or powergaming, just explaining. There aren't many elections in Canberra as Ninja usually hand-picks his ministers, but for when he can't be bothered the CUNF puts up some candidates for an election. CUNF may seem like a powerless organisation, but it actually plays an important bureaucratic role in organising Canberran society. It gives the populace a method in which to voice their concerns, enact political change (mainly by convincing NinjaCow64 of something) and barely avoid the clutches of the CFC auto-censor.

 

[Tani Coyote]

No actions yet

Trip to the Holy Land a Complete Success

Having had the blessings and cooperation of the Canberra government, the Namurr expedition to the Holy Land - otherwise known as the Tasmanian wastes - was a success. With great care taken to not disrupt the ecosystem, samples of flora and fauna were acquired for study, a great deal of them already deceased. "What's one animal's leftovers is a sapient's scientific breakthrough," one scientist was quoted as saying of the frankly disgusting carrion luggage that the expedition loaded up on.

Upon returning home to the Horn of Africa and pending a full-time posting back in Oz, Sylvester Namurr underwent body modification making use of the Expedition's most invaluable sample. Or at least, he did after several other volunteers served as test subjects for the latest strand of DNA in the Empire's mutagen arsenal. As a result of these brave lemmings testing the Downunda waters, Namurr's procedure was a complete success.

Sylvester Namurr is said to quite like his new look. Rumor has it the Emperor proposed to him shortly before his departure to Australia. It remains to be seen if being Ty'd up in Australia will have any impact on the morganatic marriage.

The best part of the whole process is Sylvester or "Sly"'s recent alteration is his voice has developed a gruff Australian accent that allows him to mingle perfectly.

To: Emperor Tani I of the Faxumite Empire
CC: Ambassador Sylvester Namurr

Sorry about that, this got lost in my email folder. Its surprising the amount of email you get as a head of state. Anyways, yeah the expedition is totally fine as long as my chief scientist, Winston from Overwatch, can come along to supervise the whole thing. Also don't try annexing Tasmania, I'll get pretty angry.

Sylvester Namurr will be set up in one of the many embassies we have in Canberra. Seriously, there's like a whole suburb devoted to them.

The Empire appreciates Canberra's generosity and hopes for great relations going forward.

In return I'll send Ambassadors Coco and Crash Bandicoot over as ambassadors from Canberra, which I'm sure you'll be extremely pleased about.

The Emperor was reported as jumping for joy.

The news media also reports the high odds that the Emperor will flirt with Crash.

...please tell me your predecessor was dead before you ate him.

May Saber preserve us all,

NinjaCow64, Prime Minister for Life of the Australian Capital Territory.

"Where'd the fun in that be?" said the Emperor.

"There was no previous ruler, so technically the Nomarchy's rules of succession were only established with my ascension. That said, I did consume several of the previous power brokers so as to ensure no competition was had. Most of them agreed to it, oddly enough. I neither confirm nor deny having hypnotic abilities that are quite useful in sustaining a polyamorous relationship, a sovereign state, and apex predator status all at the same time."

 

[Ailedhoo]

The following are proposed policies of the Faxumiten and Majterren Imperial Relations Agreement. The agreement will set the benchmark of our relations.

1. Formal non-aggression between the Faxumite Empire and Majterre.

2. Special economic relationship status between the Faxumite Empire and Majterre.

3. Free movement for the citizens of the Faxumite Empire and Majterre.

4. Special accessibility for the academics, scientists and magic users of the Faxumite Empire and Majterre to go to and forth for education and to help conduct research together.

5. Crete to be made into a special economic zone for the trade of the Faxumite Empire and Majterre.

6. Crete to have an imperial retreat for the Emperor Tani of the Faxumite Empire.

7. Moucha Island to have an imperial retreat for Empress Esther of the Majterren Empire.

8. Preparations for a special room in the imperial palaces of the sovereigns of the Faxumite Empire and the Majterren Empire to serve as a sleeping quarters for the counterpart should they make visits.

9. A promise to arrange an imperial marriage between the Majterren Empire and the Faxumite Empire.

10. Arrange for a great sports tournament to be held in Crete that will be attended by both the Emperor of the Faxumite Empire and the Empress of the Majterren Empire. The sports will include archery, jousting, boxing, martial arts, wrestling, football, rugby (which is essentially what happens when wrestling and football have a baby), fencing, gymnastics, mount racing, tennis, swimming, aerobics, acuaerobics, dodge ball, magic duals and chess.

This agreement will have required both our powers to commence a roll to the action but will benefit us greatly for the all of us.

For 1: this can be upgraded to a defense pact or even a full-on alliance if both soveriengs of the empires concur for the benefit of all.

For 4: this will potentially come to joint research projects.

For 6 and 7: we will have the palaces done in the style of their respective sovereigns.

For 8: The Empress wishes for her quarters in the palace of Tani to have a private study to host arcane books and to mediate, as well as a section to have a private table to host feasts for any arcane beings she summons. We are prepared for the Emperor’s quarters in Esther’s palace to have a secret passage to both the bathhouse of King Leon’s quarters in the palace and Leon’s own bedroom.

For 10: we will need to decide uniforms whether we will allow both powers to go in their own national uniforms, allow them to go in their own gear or (with omission of protections for certain sports) they will go in “Ancient Greek style uniform.” Both the Emperor and Empress will have an opportunity to have the athletes have an audience with them.


We hope these are agreed so all these acts can be converted into a single joint act.

Praise our realms!

-------

Our action is to enact the above treaty and its policies with the Faxumite Empire

 

[NinjaCow64]

To: Emperor Tani I of the Faxumite Empire
CC: Ambassador Sylvester Namurr, Ambassador Coco Bandicoot, Ambassador Crash Bandicoot

We are pleased that the expedition to Tasmania was successful and we hope for future endeavours and good relations with your Empire. We would also like to congratulate you on recent engagement to Sylvester Namurr and wish you well in your future marriage.

"Where'd the fun in that be?" said the Emperor.

"There was no previous ruler, so technically the Nomarchy's rules of succession were only established with my ascension. That said, I did consume several of the previous power brokers so as to ensure no competition was had. Most of them agreed to it, oddly enough. I neither confirm nor deny having hypnotic abilities that are quite useful in sustaining a polyamorous relationship, a sovereign state, and apex predator status all at the same time."

We would like to remind you that cannibalism is highly illegal in Canberra and won't be tolerated, not even for Diplomatically Immune officials. Also please don't consume any visiting Canberrans, even if they give consent. That would cause a diplomatic incident.

May Saber preserve us,

NinjaCow64, Prime Minister for Life of the Australian Capital Territory.