Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[!!!!!]

i put the translator on Tobi my piggy

 

[civplayah]

I heal.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I spin around and around until I vomit. Then, when the guard comes to check on me, beat him up and take his stuff.

2: You make yourself so delirious that you pass out, bonking your head on the wall for 15 damage and sustaining a mild concussion that negatively impacts your rolls by 2. The vomiting worsens your state of being by -8 hitpoints.

I hack the system, so it thinks I am the commander.

6: You give yourself away, and are barred from further access.

I go back to the GDR and finish building it.

3: Some security officers notice you tinkering with military-grade equipment and, finding no corroborating paperwork, confiscate your items and throw you in the brig.

I try once again to free myself of my body terrorized by pain.

5: You try and fail.

Search for the pilot.

17 (18): You find the pilot taking a break in the common lounge while the autopilot carries on. He invites you to join him. You share a snack that restores you to full health.

i put the translator on Tobi my piggy

12: "Hello, world!"

I heal.

6 (4): You worsen by -8 hitpoints.

 

[Seon]

I projectile vomit on darth Caesar until I feel better

 

[Abaddon]

I look on my map for another way to the bridge and take that.

 

[!!!!!]

i teach him the importance of the letter u

 

[landlubber]

I kill myself.

 

[mythmonster2]

Inquire about our destination.

 

[civplayah]

No, I don't.

I eat five fingers to replenish my health.

 

[Darth Caesar]

As the guards are distracted by ll's sucide I look around my cell for something to help me get out.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I projectile vomit on darth Caesar until I feel better

5 (3): You worsen yourself to the tune of -14 hitpoints.

I look on my map for another way to the bridge and take that.

8: They don't seem to print these things out en masse.

i teach him the importance of the letter u

6: "Really? It seems like any other vowel. I haven't even demonstrated it in either of these two sentences!"

I kill myself.

14: You beat yourself out of 22 hitpoints.

Inquire about our destination.

14 (15): "The planet Arrakis known as Dune."

I eat five fingers to replenish my health.

11 (9): You bite yourself for 9 damage and ongoing -6 hitpoints.

As the guards are distracted by ll's sucide I look around my cell for something to help me get out.

11: As you see the guards rush in to get landlubber to medical, you realize if you brutalize yourself severely, they, too, may intervene.

 

[landlubber]

I accept the medical help.

 

[civplayah]

I am rushed to a mental hospital.

 

[Seon]

I begin coughing blood.

 

[mythmonster2]

Go to the med bay where I will train to become a doctor.

 

[Perfection]

I vomit on who ever is in second place

 

[Abaddon]

I pull, rather than push the door open, silly me!

 

[Darth Caesar]

I chop off my left hand.

 

[!!!!!]

i clean up the blood of landlubber and civplayah so i can create a mutant of them

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I accept the medical help.

17: They manage to save your digits just in time. Each turn you remain in operation will restore 15 hitpoints.

I am rushed to a mental hospital.

10 (8): They have a shrink, but no ward.

I begin coughing blood.

10 (8): Fortunately, you're not that sick.

Go to the med bay where I will train to become a doctor.

15 (16): Through apprenticeship and a crash course in sewing, you gain a +1 bonus to rolls in medicine.

I vomit on who ever is in second place

8: You can't tell who's winning at this point.

I pull, rather than push the door open, silly me!

2: HOSTILE ACTION DETECTED. YOU HAVE ZERO SECONDS TO COMPLY.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10: An electric shock jolts you out of 14 hitpoints, and the klaxon will soon draw guards.

I chop off my left hand.

6: You have nothing sharp on you, and instead pummel your wrist for 6 damage.

i clean up the blood of landlubber and civplayah so i can create a mutant of them

13 (15): You craft a volatile plasma imbued with the strengths of both.