Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[mythmonster2]

Turn on the lights.

 

[landlubber]

I eat a donut I had in my pocket.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I conjure up a flashlight.

4: You concentrate so hard you hit your head on a bulkhead for 12 damage.

Enter the room Darth Caesar is in by dropping through the ceiling, roll on the floor once like a freaking ninja, and then shoot Darth Caesar in the face.

3: Your plan begins to unravel when you realize you don't actually know where the ceiling is. Nevertheless, you carry out the routine to the best of your ability. When you fire the gun, it reflects straight back at you for 12 damage.

I find a map of the ship in my other pocket.

16: As it so happens, you have the entire schematics. Too bad you can't read them.

I shoot Seon.

3: You fire three blasts that ricochet through the room and back to you for 18 damage.

Turn on the lights.

18: Fumbling along what you assume to be the wall, you find a control panel and begin randomly punching keys. As luck would have it, you manage a ground-up re-route that restores all functions.

I eat a donut I had in my pocket.

2: It was in your pocket at one point, but it isn't now. You bite so hard that you bite off your fingers. Not only do the 24 hitpoints make their departure readily felt, but a further 12 damage will be incurred each turn until you have been treated for your injury.

 

[civplayah]

I hit myself some more.

 

[landlubber]

I travel to the jail's hospital.

 

[Seon]

Pistolwhip Darth Caesar and then shoot him while he's down all the while screaming like a teenager being chased by something ludicrous.

 

[mythmonster2]

Heh, just noticed the "First Injury" commendation. Oh well, try to get a view of what's outside.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I crack seon's neck.

 

[!!!!!]

i take care of the guinea pig

 

[Abaddon]

I practice martial arts.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I hit myself some more.

17: You apply a spanner to the forehead for 16 damage, inflicting a mild concussion that impedes all your rolls by 2.

I travel to the jail's hospital.

8: You're locked in your cell.

Pistolwhip Darth Caesar and then shoot him while he's down all the while screaming like a teenager being chased by something ludicrous.

20: "AAUGHFLAUBPBLOOGOAZOIK!!" *PAFF* *psee psee psee psee*
You inflict 60 damage.

Oh well, try to get a view of what's outside.

19: You peer out into the immensity of the cosmos. More stars than you can count twinkle in all directions, a few in the foreground lazily drifting into the periphery as the ship makes its way through the vacuum of space. The sight of it all evokes an immense sense of wonder, and imparts a small sense of excitement at your ability to perceive it all.

I crack seon's neck.

2: You writhe in pain as you attempt to force your wounded body into motion, furthering your injury by -20 hitpoints.

i take care of the guinea pig

13: You feed it and wash it and play with it and love it for ever and ever, amen.

I practice martial arts.

2: You end up in some nasty contortions, suffering 18 damage.

 

[mythmonster2]

Look at the interstellar map to find nearest planet, station, or other place we may be able to land at.

 

[landlubber]

I scream for help.

 

[civplayah]

I become invincible to attacks placed by me on me.

 

[Abaddon]

I am not a adult, every turn my HP increases to approaching adulthood.

 

[Seon]

I shoot Darth Caesar until it stops being funny.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I summon all power inside of me and kill Seon.

 

[!!!!!]

i invent a translator for my piggy and put it on him and also find out his gender

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Look at the interstellar map to find nearest planet, station, or other place we may be able to land at.

17 (18): There is an orbital station about three minutes from the ship's current position, although it is not part of the route.

I scream for help.

1: Your heightened blood pressure accelerates the bleed to -21 hp/turn.

I become invincible to attacks placed by me on me.

9 (7): You feel slightly more vulnerable.

I am not a adult, every turn my HP increases to approaching adulthood.

8: Your delirium appears to be worsening.

I shoot Darth Caesar until it stops being funny.

12: All it takes is one shot, sadist. Another 13 hitpoints departs him.

I summon all power inside of me and kill Seon.

4: The strain of the effort leads to internal hemorrhage. You suffer 16 damage now, and ongoing -16 hp until you receive proper medical treatment.

i invent a translator for my piggy and put it on him and also find out his gender

19 (20): You construct a non-invasive apparatus to allow for perfect cross-species communication for your lad.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I transcend into the spiritual realm, healing my injuries and going to heaven to serve God as a general.