Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I read the note.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I teleport Abaddon into my ship so he'll support me for world leader.

5 (8): You're too far away from the ship to have an effect.

I hack the Random Number Generator.

13: You tap into the source code.

I construct a sentry to protect myself.

1 (1): You hammer your left hand, inflicting a crippling 20 damage.

I save Abaddon's life in hopes he will let me revive in his RTD.

7: How, exactly?

Fire my laser at Red_Spy again.

20 (20): Magnificent devastation. 34 damage. News at eleven.

Getting really ticked off with the Bagleman, I blast him away with the chain laser gun!!!

11: You lay down suppression fire. However, his other half flanks you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: You suffer 11 damage as you're rammed in the back.

Darth Caesar catches an infection and bleeds out his final few hitpoints...

7: You have no communicable disease, nor a means of transmission that far.

I hook up with friendly forces

9: You land, alone.

I read the note.

15: A name: "Ferrara"

 

[Seon]

I tip the RNG in my favor.

 

[landlubber]

I go to the census records to look for someone named Ferrara.

 

[Double A]

I move closer and try again

 

[Red_Spy]

I try to construct another sentry

 

[mythmonster2]

Disable Red_Spy's right hand as well.

 

[Abaddon]

I intimidate Verarde into giving me his Infinity Sword

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find medical supplies.

 

[GenMarshall]

11: You lay down suppression fire. However, his other half flanks you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: You suffer 11 damage as you're rammed in the back.

Link to video.

I eat BOTH Balgemans. Ending the constant harassment from him.

 

[Terrance888]

I pull abaddon back into the ship.

 

[Double A]

Help someone else, dammit! He's already got help!

 

[Terrance888]

new orders! I help double a lose!

 

[Double A]

new orders: Terrance forgets how to breathe.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I tip the RNG in my favor.

5: You shave off '1' and '20' from your base rolls.

I go to the census records to look for someone named Ferrara.

16: Turns out Ferrara is Gaijin, but after further research you manage to track down some identifying information. It would appear he does a lot of overseas travel.

I try to construct another sentry

1 (1): mythmonster2's bodyguard flanks you, inflicting 19 damage and worsening your hemorrhaging to a total of -30 hp/turn.

Disable Red_Spy's right hand as well.

1 (5): One of the Bagel Men rolls past and you get caught and flung into the wall for 14 damage.

I intimidate Verarde into giving me his Infinity Sword

11 (14): It slowly begins drifting toward you.

I find medical supplies.

2: If you only had more time...

I eat BOTH Balgemans.

1: A deftly co-ordinated strike deals 28 damage, knocking you into a bulkhead and delivering a severe concussion that impedes all rolls by 3.

new orders! I help double a lose!

2: You grant him an endorsement.

new orders: Terrance forgets how to breathe.

6 (9): He coughs a bit, but that's about it.

Abaddon's clone manages to get back onto the ship.

 

[mythmonster2]

My God, BAGELMAN! Toast him into oblivion with my laser gun.

 

[landlubber]

I check travel records at the airport that they for some reason display publicly.

 

[Double A]

Using my powers of staring angrily, I make Terrence's head asplode.

 

[GenMarshall]

I recover from my concussion

(Getting too tired of these lousy rolls. I'm about ready to call it quits)

 

[Terrance888]

I reborn as a dragon, healing all of my negative boosts.