Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[EnglishCrusader]

I go to hendo's library.

 

[CivCube]

I run for mayor for the hell of it.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I get a picture with mickey mouse.

5 (6): Wouldja believe no-one is playing the character at the moment?

I crawl into the cruiser and floor into the Rebel Leader's home.

6 (3): You catch the right corner on a building, skid violently and roll over multiple times, sustaining 16 damage.

I invite the lions inside (Attlee translates) to the library's nursing station, where I apply my knowledge of medicine to heal all of the lions to full health (after their recent battles, there are bound to be plenty of wounded lions in the pride).

7 (10): Seems like all that was hurt...

*puts on sunglasses*

...was their pride.

I sigh, and ask them if they have any food.

8: No food, either. Maybe that's why they're pulling the ship.

We wake up early and sneak attack the rebels.

3: *BOOM* Landmines! The rebels put out a call for Red_Spy, Skwink, and North to rally for defence.

Due to a mix up in baggage, Boundless' Invisibility Cloak is also found to be in my luggage once the plane touches down.

2 (3): Due to a mix up in baggage, there's a BOMB IN YOUR SUITCASE! Airport security rushes to subdue you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (3): You're tackled to the ground, handcuffed, and stripped of all material possessions before being put in detention. Since you can't do your fitness program in such a state, your paycheque is suspended.

Screw it, using the powers I've have gained from this incredibly awesome library, I fly to the rebel HQ. And I mean fly like Superman

20 (20): "Just in time! Help us beat Verarde and you might just prove leadership material."

I go to hendo's library.

3: While trying to hitchhike, a car clips your outstretched arm, shattering the bones in your hand for 17 damage.

I run for mayor for the hell of it.

20 (18): You win with the sympathy vote, restoring your confidence

 

[Skwink]

The rebels come to save me and heal me a bit so I'm ready for combat.

 

[Red_Spy]

I sigh and wander out of Africa.

 

[Verarde]

We give it all we got, focusing on the rebels leaders.

 

[landlubber]

I train my hyenas to be an army unit.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

I engineer myself a pair of sunglasses from some of my popsicle sticks, some of my nails (no, the nails don't poke in my eyes--they are for connecting the joints), and some of my duct tape (okay, they are more like sun shades, since they block out the sun entirely, but they still look uber cool) then turn to the lions and throw out the coolest yet most logical phrase ever (academia-based, which Attlee quickly translates): "I'm so full of pride in my coolness that..." (turning 45 degrees toward the head lion and ripping off my sunshades) "it would hurt not to join (my pride). YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

 

[Abaddon]

It is discovered to be a vibrator, not a bomb in my suitcase. Very embarrassed they free me, along with a fat compensation pay out.

 

[hendo]

Using my new-found flying ability, I pick up Verarde and dump him into the nearest large body of water.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Me and the rhinos freak out and destroy Disney land.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I try to get to the library again .

 

[CivCube]

I increase local subsidies for voodoo* practitioners. Keep dubious magic at home!

*And by "voodoo", I mean pot.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

The rebels come to save me and heal me a bit so I'm ready for combat.

14 (11): Those that didn't heed the return call haul you to safety and stabilize your condition.

I sigh and wonder out of Africa.

3: Your mind drifts to the chaos in Mexico, and you become downcast, suffering a -2 penalty to all rolls.

We give it all we got, focusing on the rebels leaders.

6: The minefield concentrates your troop movements, making the rebels' defence that much easier. Errant bullets graze you for 9 damage.

I train my hyenas to be an army unit.

14 (16): Kinda hard to operate weapons without opposable thumbs, but they can now implement military strategy, improving their combat rolls by 1.

I engineer myself a pair of sunglasses from some of my popsicle sticks, some of my nails (no, the nails don't poke in my eyes--they are for connecting the joints), and some of my duct tape (okay, they are more like sun shades, since they block out the sun entirely, but they still look uber cool) then turn to the lions and throw out the coolest yet most logical phrase ever (academia-based, which Attlee quickly translates): "I'm so full of pride in my coolness that..." (turning 45 degrees toward the head lion and ripping off my sunshades) "it would hurt not to join (my pride). YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

9 (13): It takes them a moment, but they get the pun.

It is discovered to be a vibrator, not a bomb in my suitcase. Very embarrassed they free me, along with a fat compensation pay out.

6 (7): A bomb and a vibrator. You're the one who's embarrassed, so much that social interaction rolls suffer a -1 penalty.

Using my new-found flying ability, I pick up Verarde and dump him into the nearest large body of water.

14 (15): Which, somewhat conveniently, is very shallow, inflicting 13 damage.

Me and the rhinos freak out and destroy Disney land.

19 (20): You RAZE IT TO THE GROUND, accruing another point of infamy. Khrushchev Land was better anyway.

I try to get to the library again .

16: This time as a car comes by, you grab on and after a few transfers, make it to the library.

I increase local subsidies for voodoo* practitioners. Keep dubious magic at home!

*And by "voodoo", I mean pot.

15: Your approval rating rises amongst the younger demographic.

 

[Red_Spy]

I prepare a goodwill basket to send to those in need in Mexico.

 

[hoplitejoe]

We go to Khrushchev Land!

 

[Dhoomstriker]

(Since the Master appears to still be in the library with the lions and me) I use my empathic abilities (the Master is an alien, after all) and persuasive logical arguments (academia-based) to get the Master to explain to me advanced engineering techniques (which I understand better than an average person thanks to my engineering ability), which would allow me to do things like repair a broken teleporter and turn a TARDIS fascimile into a working TARDIS with nothing more than the equipment that I already have in my inventory.

 

[Verarde]

We continue to attack the rebel scum.

 

[CivCube]

I create a local voodoo "union" with the aim of setting appropriate prices for "magic" in the region. Namely, prices that are lower than nearby militias, I mean, communities. The more "practitioners" that are protected with stable prices and juicy subsidies, the more mighty the union.

Voodoo economics, indeed.

 

[landlubber]

I look for arms to stock my hyenas with.