Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

Heading out onto the library's balcony, Attlee roars to the wilds a logicial (academia-based) argument in lion-speak, which convinces the pride of 17 lions to come to the library.

15 (17): They abandon EnglishCrusader and head your way.

Raid the factory!

13 (15): "Alright you schmucks, I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"

I ask the men what are they doing.

12: They tell you they're dragging a tall ship across the savanna.

I use my infamy to get us all some fast track passes!

13 (15): You grin smugly as you pass them out amongst your comrades.

I check to see how many men I have, and how many men the rebels have.

3: You have three hundred fatigued, ill-equipped soldiers; you don't know how many rebels are present, but they're expecting you.

I enlist in the local foot race to get to know the villagers.

3: You performance is terrible and you're labelled the village idiot. You're so ashamed that all public interaction suffers a -2 penalty to rolls.

I realize I've ran a terrible and wasted life of working in an office, watching my comrades die, shooting presidents, and leading revolutions, and sit down on the curb of Mexico City crying with my face in my hands at night while it rains, in my nicest suit, while my closest, and only friend through all of this, Sam, gets up and leaves.

18 (17): ♫ "I used to ru-u-ule the wo-o-orld / Seas would rise when I gave the word / Now in the morning I sle-e-ep a-lo-o-one / Sweep the streets I used to own..." ♫
You slip into existential despair, impeding all your rolls by 2.

I use my infamy to fly out 1st Class to my wedding.

8 (11): You're slipped aboard a flight to Dubai (economy class, sigh).

Got lucky there. Right, now I try to entice the lions to join me.

1 (4): They give you a brutal mauling before leaving for the east, dealing 20 damage.

Okaye... ...I find some diamonds!

10: What, you think they're just sitting out in the open for anyone to steal?

Hmm...in that case I use the teleporter conveniently situated in the library's basement.

7 (8): "Out of Order".

 

[GenMarshall]

...I find a bag of gold on the floor.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

In the library's courtyard, Attlee challenges the head lion of the pride to a non-lethal duel (we mustn't kill off more lions), using his mêlée prowess to triumph.

 

[Red_Spy]

I offer to be their bodyguard if they have a medic to treat my wounds.

 

[Verarde]

I and my men rest, and try to upgrade our weapons while resting.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I go on ALL the rides.

 

[Skwink]

I get in my car, and floor it, heading straight towards the office building I worked in.

 

[landlubber]

I demand that they release the hyenas or I will kill them all.

 

[CivCube]

I knew I shouldn't have drafted behind the others. I talk to a counselor.

 

[Abaddon]

I endure economy and arrive at my wedding (collecting stick on route).

 

[hendo]

Gah, I read up on some DIY repairing skills.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I tend to my wounds.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

...I find a bag of gold on the floor.

6: The floor of what?

In the library's courtyard, Attlee challenges the head lion of the pride to a non-lethal duel (we mustn't kill off more lions), using his mêlée prowess to triumph.

8: It's a draw AND BEFORE YOU ASK THEY'RE BOTH LIONS SO IT'D CANCEL OUT.

I offer to be their bodyguard if they have a medic to treat my wounds.

7: Fresh out of medics.

I and my men rest, and try to upgrade our weapons while resting.

17: You tuck them in to sleep and clean their guns, load fresh magazines, top off the gas, etc., bringing them back to full readiness.

I go on ALL the rides.

15: The experience boosts your morale, improving all your rolls by 1 for the next eight turns.

I get in my car, and floor it, heading straight towards the office building I worked in.

1 (1): You drive a crowbar through a police cruiser windshield, and the cartels realize you're desperate.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): You're riddled with bullets for 14 damage, and bleed at a rate of -6 hp/turn.

I demand that they release the hyenas or I will kill them all.

16 (18): They flee in terror, and you free your friends. Oh, and the factory had a tank in it, which is now yours.

I knew I shouldn't have drafted behind the others. I talk to a counselor.

5 (3): Diagnosis: You suck.

I endure economy and arrive at my wedding (collecting stick on route).

9 (10): It's a long flight.

Gah, I read up on some DIY repairing skills.

7 (8): Nothing that covers teleporters. Go figure.

I tend to my wounds.

17: You patch yourself back up to health.

Darth Caesar, Boundless and juKar-C suffer 15 damage for inactivity.

Boundless fade away.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I get a picture with mickey mouse.

 

[Skwink]

I crawl into the cruiser and floor into the Rebel Leader's home.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

I invite the lions inside (Attlee translates) to the library's nursing station, where I apply my knowledge of medicine to heal all of the lions to full health (after their recent battles, there are bound to be plenty of wounded lions in the pride).

 

[Red_Spy]

I sigh, and ask them if they have any food.

 

[Verarde]

We wake up early and sneak attack the rebels.

 

[Abaddon]

Due to a mix up in baggage, Boundless' Invisibility Cloak is also found to be in my luggage once the plane touches down.

 

[hendo]

Damn.

Screw it, using the powers I've have gained from this incredibly awesome library, I fly to the rebel HQ. And I mean fly like Superman