Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Darth Caesar]

I call in reinforcements.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Eh, I will just nuke France then.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my knowledge of medicine (drugs), my statesmanship, and persuasive logical arguments (academia), I manage to get myself elected as both the new leader of the cartels and the leader of Mexico based on my campaign (my super awesome 20-roll campaign, to be exact) of switching the cartels to dealing in legalized drugs for the good of society and the continued profits of the cartels.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I learn something

 

[Skwink]

I send a letter to my daughter, telling who her father is and telling her not to live a life like mine. Included in the letter is thanks to Red Spy for taking good care of her.

 

[GenMarshall]

I learn more gun skills from the rebels.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I spray Oxiclean into the Hellcat's eye, hoping that the mayor forgot that the eye is its weak point versus Oxiclean.

13: It reels backward, off the mayor.

I enroll Skwink's daughter in the best school I can.

12: You enter her into a reputable public school.

Action: I concentrate on developing my regeneration powers.

12: You boost your natural regeneration by 1 hp/turn.

We resume our assault.

16: You catch them overconfident, and soon you control over half of Nigeria.

By some weird screw up in the time continuum an identical working copy of Darth Caesar's trinket appears in my pocket.

3 (4): By some weird screw-up in the space-time continuum you receive a cursed amulet that freezes all modifiers.

Eh, I will just nuke France then.

3 (4): The Iranian nuclear program was a bust. Regardless, Europe declares war on you.

Using my knowledge of medicine (drugs), my statesmanship, and persuasive logical arguments (academia), I manage to get myself elected as both the new leader of the cartels and the leader of Mexico based on my campaign (my super awesome 20-roll campaign, to be exact) of switching the cartels to dealing in legalized drugs for the good of society and the continued profits of the cartels.

10 (15): Through the careful application of criminal influence, you're elected with a stable majority.

I learn something

4: You learn that being a senator actually requires you to work. Your pay is suspended!

I send a letter to my daughter, telling who her father is and telling her not to live a life like mine. Included in the letter is thanks to Red Spy for taking good care of her.

4: She pledges to find you sooner, rather than later.

I learn more gun skills from the rebels.

6: They've taught you all they know.

hendo suffers 25 damage for inactivity.

 

[hoplitejoe]

"Prepare the Devil's Tongue! This invasion will be infamous! INVADE EUROPE!"

 

[Verarde]

I spray more Oxiclean into the Hellcat's eye.

 

[Skwink]

I call up Sam North in an attempt to reconcile with him.

 

[landlubber]

I apply for UN membership under the name "The Werepeople's Nigerian Commonwealth."

 

[Red_Spy]

I ask Finland to join an alliance with Russia, and whoever else wants to join, in order to protect Europe for The Rhinos.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my statesmanship, engineering ability, and knowledge of medicine, I open up positive trading relations with the Rhino nation by teleporting them medical supplies from the cartels' surplus stores.

 

[Abaddon]

I attack the Cursed amulet with my Big Stick, altering its effects.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I curse my bad luck!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"Prepare the Devil's Tongue! This invasion will be infamous! INVADE EUROPE!"

18 (19): You blitz through Turkey and into central-eastern Europe.

I spray more Oxiclean into the Hellcat's eye.

15: It starts flailing around violently, hurting itself on assorted buildings in the process.

I call up Sam North in an attempt to reconcile with him.

13: "Good God! How the years make strangers of us all! You want to grab a beer or something?"

I apply for UN membership under the name "The Werepeople's Nigerian Commonwealth."

11: You make it into the General Assembly.

I ask Finland to join an alliance with Russia, and whoever else wants to join, in order to protect Europe for The Rhinos.

19: You call up America on the pretext of NATO commitment. SHOCK AND AWE, BABY!!

Using my statesmanship, engineering ability, and knowledge of medicine, I open up positive trading relations with the Rhino nation by teleporting them medical supplies from the cartels' surplus stores.

3 (5): America commences the invasion of Mexico on the pretext that you are aiding and abetting an ENEMY OF FREEDOM.

I attack the Cursed amulet with my Big Stick, altering its effects.

8 (10): You only manage to make an amulet-shaped impression in your chest.

I curse my bad luck!

17: You curse it so well, all negative effects are halved!

 

[Red_Spy]

Defend our Allies in Europe, push back the Rhinos!

 

[Verarde]

I use an Oxiclean-in-the-eye Finishing move on the Hellcat!

 

[landlubber]

I ask for aid in conquering the rest of Nigeria.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

(The President of America seems to have forgotten one important detail--Mexico controls the supply of drugs into the US and I happen to control all of said supplies.)

Using my knowledge of medicine (+3) and my (chemical) engineering ability (+2), I concoct a formula which will immobilize a person and I use my cartel connections to slip the concoction into the entire supply of US-military drugs--drugs that their military personnel use whenever they are about to engage the enemy in battle (think stimpacks).