Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Terrance888]

I try to use good'ol fashioned alka-seltzer to help me!

 

[Verarde]

I use my sonic attack on the Hellcat. (I have a +1 to rolls for that, I believe.)

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my knowledge of medicine (+3) and my (chemical) engineering ability (+2), I reverse engineer the concoction that went into the US military's supplies and find out that the wrong formula was used--it turns out that it was a "Love the Latinos" formula and thus all US soldiers that attempt to go into battle will instead fall in love with my people above all else and will thus revert to supporting our cause.

 

[GenMarshall]

I study first aid.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I continue my trend of self-destructive behavior

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

That's it, one large push all the way back and into Russia.

5 (6): Drat. America caught up and began a bombing campaign on the Middle East. Dubai's Science bonus is halved.

Not one step back, push out the Rhinos from the World!

20: ...And Europe completes the punch, driving them back to sub-Saharan Africa.

I drive anyway.

19: You manage such a flawless commute home that the police sink into a crisis of self-doubt. As a result, the bounty on your head is halved.

I conquer Nigeria "the old-fashioned way."

2: The army digs in and forces a rout.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: You suffer 25 damage in the retreat.

I try to use good'ol fashioned alka-seltzer to help me!

17: Much better. You even get 15 health back, no charge.

I use my sonic attack on the Hellcat. (I have a +1 to rolls for that, I believe.)

3 (4): "HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WI-ouf!" A swipe of its paw sends you flying into -and through- a wall for 17 damage and internal hemorrhaging inflicting 10 damage/turn.

Using my knowledge of medicine (+3) and my (chemical) engineering ability (+2), I reverse engineer the concoction that went into the US military's supplies and find out that the wrong formula was used--it turns out that it was a "Love the Latinos" formula and thus all US soldiers that attempt to go into battle will instead fall in love with my people above all else and will thus revert to supporting our cause.

3 (8): Nope, when they're immune, they're immune.

I study first aid.

10: A library full of books you can't read.

I continue my trend of self-destructive behavior

1: You pop a frictionless cap into the back of your mouth for 22 damage, leading to heavy blood loss at a rate of -17 hp/turn.

hendo and CivCube suffer 30 damage for inactivity.

 

[landlubber]

I hire a general and ask him what to do.

 

[Skwink]

I apply for a job at the Police Department.

 

[Red_Spy]

I force the rhinos to sign a treaty that limits their armed forces and cede all land outside of Sub-Saharan Africa.

 

[Terrance888]

I explore the tunnels.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using persuasive, academic arguments (+2), my statesmanship (+2), and some cleverly-distributed Love the Latinos drugs, I convince the Chinese that the time is ripe to strike against the USA and thus China joins Mexico's side in a conventional war against the USA.

 

[Verarde]

I heal myself with the power of society! (+3 to social interaction rolls)

 

[hoplitejoe]

Nuke Red_Spy with my secret nukes.

 

[CivCube]

I uncover my secret mine pick and start digging down in my cell.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I hire a general and ask him what to do.

7: "Well, uh, first of all, hyenas aren't really suited to handle weapons. You might want some... actual soldiers."

I apply for a job at the Police Department.

1: You're arrested and all your assets are seized, including your bank account and Demyan!

I force the rhinos to sign a treaty that limits their armed forces and cede all land outside of Sub-Saharan Africa.

19: PEACE IN OUR TIME

I explore the tunnels.

6: Oh no, they're infested with snakes!
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (15): You laugh as you strangle them and make a snake-flail.

Using persuasive, academic arguments (+2), my statesmanship (+2), and some cleverly-distributed Love the Latinos drugs, I convince the Chinese that the time is ripe to strike against the USA and thus China joins Mexico's side in a conventional war against the USA.

3 (7): Do you know how much of the U.S. economy is owed to China?? Going to war with their biggest dependent would crash the country! In light of this illogic, your scholarly credentials are called into question (-1 academia).

I heal myself with the power of society! (+3 to social interaction rolls)

9 (12): "I *kaff* believe in you!" spatters the mayor. You reduce your bleeding by 5 hp/turn... just as the Hellcat lets loose another firebomb.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13: You narrowly leap out of the way.

Nuke Red_Spy with my secret nukes.

1 (2): You left them in Iran! Such a catastrophic loss of life also sits ill against the mission of Universal Socialism, and your scientists quit in protest. The Coalition is no longer after the Rhino Nation, but you specifically.

I uncover my secret mine pick and start digging down in my cell.

20 (19): You find a hidden rebel cache, filled with money and weapons!

 

[Verarde]

I fire my sonic attack at the Hellcat.

OOC: So, if I'm bleeding at -5 hp/turn, but gaining 10 hp/turn, I have a net gain of 5 hp/turn?

 

[Skwink]

I pick a fight with a fellow prisoner.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

OOC: So, if I'm bleeding at -5 hp/turn, but gaining 10 hp/turn, I have a net gain of 5 hp/turn?

That's correct, and after triple-checking the last few turns, I'm satisfied that I did apply it.

 

[Red_Spy]

I apply Russia for EU membership.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my sound economic academia-based credentials (+1) and my statesmanship (+2), I reason to the Chinese that the USA is never going to repay their debts so the only way to get the money owed is by force and that the USA's recent terrorism in the name of "bringing about freedom" is just yet another Korea, Vietnam, Taiwan, etc.