Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Dhoomstriker]

Determined to prove that these pharmaceuticals really can be critical, I apply my Chemical Engineering and Medical talents, along with the use of some of Attlee's excrement, into altering a large batch of these pharmaceuticals into an effective Cure All that counters diseases and biological weapons.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I head to the capital of Hellenic Namibia to make my social debut in the cultured aspect in that city, endearing myself to as many as possible

9 (11): You attract a modest crowd.

Thankfully, the alien nature of myself and my aircraft allows my regeneration to help keep it airborne.

I thrash the American Force with my Snail Flail. And my Air Plane. Lika baws.

6 (8): Turns out ramming aircraft is actually a very dangerous idea.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): As you wriggle out of the cockpit to bash incoming fighters, a wingtip slices your torso for 5 ongoing damage.

Taking inspiration from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas I begin a crazy road to journey to... Brighton!

6: You're out of fuel.

As part of my new fundraising strategy, I announce that anyone who donates to my campaign within the next week has a chance to be the one to win $1000 (game money, not rubles of course).

7 (10): Literally gambling public money turns out not to be an endearing campaign platform.

I find a white mage and heal myself

10: You can't see one.

My sick moves cause an epidemic of unbelievable.

17 (16): Your groove is so dope, the residents are utterly bedazzled, and elect you Mayor. This time, with a $15/turn salary! Your roll penalty evaporates as you at last feel vindicated.

I take a disoriented dive into the Thames to clear my eyes out.

4 (2): You dive head-first against a rock for 15 damage and suffer a concussion that further penalizes all rolls by -2.

I unite all the clans of Iran under my banner.

5 (9): The Ayatollah takes exception to that.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (12): The Iranian Air Force fails to find you. This time.

The Brotherhood of Dodge must end this game and start the next, so decrees Thorcain of Lym our leader. Therefore I create a satelite that fires hot death lazers at the player with the lowest health every turn. DODGE DODGE DODGE!

17: SUDDEN DEATH MODE ACTIVATE! The hijacked GDI ion cannon will automatically strike the weakest player each turn for 20 damage.

I challenge the first abomination that exits the portal to an accordion playing competition.

5: Its several sets of tentacles ensures a decisive win against you. The LESSER HENTAIBEAST escapes the portal and promptly attacks!
ROLL TO DODGE!
7: You're violated for 7 damage.

Determined to prove that these pharmaceuticals really can be critical, I apply my Chemical Engineering and Medical talents, along with the use of some of Attlee's excrement, into altering a large batch of these pharmaceuticals into an effective Cure All that counters diseases and biological weapons.

6 (11): You finally thwart the disease.

CivGeneral and christos200 are declared AWOL.
Darth Caesar joined the choir in the sky.
Ion Cannon strike on MoreEpicThanYou! He's dead, Jim.

 

[Kinich-Ahau]

I offer to give the lesser hentaibest Tentacle Grape if it agrees to stop violating me.

 

[Terrance888]

No matter. I leap onto Airforce One to beat down the President and take over America.

 

[Red_Spy]

Give a heartfelt apology to the Russian people as I pledge to never repeat the same mistakes and run a clean campaign from now on.

 

[Omega124]

With my modest crowd, I point out how Greece is currently bankrupt, and being members of Hellenic Nambia means the country will go default hence soon unless they take Nambia back for the Nambians

 

[Seon]

I seek out the closest doctor for repairs!

 

[Ailedhoo]

6: You're out of fuel.

Try to look for a nearby fuel station.

 

[NinjaCow64]

As a reward for my sevices to the Brotherhood my character is finally put on the opening post

 

[hoplitejoe]

I ask my fellow Tajik elders if they have heard of "Horace, Master of Bmfpqrtz", and if they have heard of his whereabouts.

 

[SouthernKing]

I keep trying

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Travelling via lion back (thank you, Attlee), together with the rest of our lions, I arrive at CivGeneral's location, where I engineer a medical contraption using some Popsicle sticks and duct tape that restores us both to full health.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I offer to give the lesser hentaibest Tentacle Grape if it agrees to stop violating me.

17: You gain an indeterminate but probably generous breather to acquire the requisite bribe.

No matter. I leap onto Airforce One to beat down the President and take over America.

3 (5): Leaping off the stealth fighter, you realize you badly misjudged the distance to the ground
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (6) You're gored, sliced, and otherwise humiliated by the hornet's nest of interceptors. 18 damage incurred, and you're still in freefall.

Give a heartfelt apology to the Russian people as I pledge to never repeat the same mistakes and run a clean campaign from now on.

18 (20): Through the tried-and-true sob story of the sinner repentant, you skyrocket through public opinion polls to third place.

With my modest crowd, I point out how Greece is currently bankrupt, and being members of Hellenic Nambia means the country will go default hence soon unless they take Nambia back for the Nambians

12 (14): The crowd concurs that this crippling austerity is not only un-socialist, it's un-African, and begin remobilizing the All People's Party.

I seek out the closest doctor for repairs!

9 (5): Repairs? You're not a cyborg!

Try to look for a nearby fuel station.

18: You try so hard, you get a +1 bonus to perception rolls!
*roll*
5 (6): But all you see are some bandits that think you have fuel.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: You're kicked in the shin for 6 damage.

As a reward for my sevices to the Brotherhood my character is finally put on the opening post

17: You materialize in the African savanna with a complementary laser chain gun and three battery packs.

I ask my fellow Tajik elders if they have heard of "Horace, Master of Bmfpqrtz", and if they have heard of his whereabouts.

13 (14): Local legend holds that Horace passed through Afghanistan on his way to Tibet.

I keep trying

13: You find Darth Caesar's Enchanter, who uses practical medicine to stop the bleeding.

Travelling via lion back (thank you, Attlee), together with the rest of our lions, I arrive at CivGeneral's location, where I engineer a medical contraption using some Popsicle sticks and duct tape that restores us both to full health.

8 (13): You make haste to CivGeneral and manage to rig some emergency stimulants that restore 25 hitpoints to the both of you.

CivCube is declared AWOL.
Verarde didn't make the cut.
Ion Cannon strike on CivGeneral! He's on the brink of collapse...

 

[Terrance888]

I try to land on Something soft near Dhoomhammer to help dampen the fall. Thanks buddy!

 

[Kinich-Ahau]

I head to the nearest store and nick some Tentacle Grape.

 

[CivCube]

Hush, now. I was enacting powerful legislation with the moves of love. Now that the town has my back, I dance for no other reason than to put the jive back into politics.

CivCube iiiiiiiiiiiissssss...the MAYOR OF MOONWALK

in

DOO-WOP DEMOCRACY 2: BOOGIE BOOGALOO

 

[Red_Spy]

Due to my excellent relations with the Finnish people it should be easy to get the great Finnish rock band the Leningrad Cowboys to do a concert in my support.

 

[Omega124]

I daintly pose for a photo with a cute :3 face to garner international support.

 

[NinjaCow64]

My metagaming senses are tingling! There's a large amount of unfriendlies converging on Dhoomstrikers position! Using a conviently located wormhole to AMERICA, I make my way to his location and fire at anyone in (Dhoom)striking range with hot death lazers. FOR DODGE!

 

[SouthernKing]

I eat NC