Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[!!!!!]

i heal myself

 

[GenMarshall]

Again, I search for a I Wunderwaffe DG-2 in a box

 

[merciary]

Using my archeological knowledge I attempt to repair the temple even more.

 

[Double A]

I send KFC a present in the form of hot plasma death.

Mail anything nice to me, but if you are just going to give me a bomb in exchange for my generous gift, you can keep it you bloody ingrate.

 

[remake20]

Sweet I got a 20. I look for items.

 

[Abaddon]

I exchange hp with land lubber

 

[landlubber]

Fire again!

 

[mythmonster2]

Fire the Ultimate Weapon at KFC.

 

[civplayah]

I enroll the apes in school to usher them away from their barbaric tendencies.

 

[Seon]

I restore myself to full health.

 

[landlubber]

Wait, no, change that. I turn my cannon to the island and fire at abaddon.

 

[kill fire]

It would seem that a lot of people want me dead. I tell Horace to teleport me and the mobsters the hell outta there.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

i heal myself

12 (13): You regain 15 hitpoints.

Again, I search for a I Wunderwaffe DG-2 in a box

4: The drunk woman's friend saw what you did and jumps you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (17): You similarly dispose of the pest and claim $65 in "damages".

Using my archeological knowledge I attempt to repair the temple even more.

17: The temple is now in pristine condition, and you suspect its patron deity has been up-'til-now undiscovered by SCIENCE!

I send KFC a present in the form of hot plasma death.

18: You blast 16 hitpoints out of him.

I look for items.

5: You find an angry crab.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: It pinches you most painfully for 17 damage.

I exchange hp with land lubber

17: You transfer 100 of his hitpoints to you.

Fire the Ultimate Weapon at KFC.

8 (9): It isn't armed.

I enroll the apes in school to usher them away from their barbaric tendencies.

8: The school is... where?

I restore myself to full health.

15: You attempt to patch yourself and recover 18 hitpoints and your self-regenerative ability, which is nullified by your numerous internal instabilities.

Wait, no, change that. I turn my cannon to the island and fire at abaddon.

1: The recoil is so strong it capsizes the boat.

It would seem that a lot of people want me dead. I tell Horace to teleport me and the mobsters the hell outta there.

17: You relocate yourself to a secret location, becoming completely untargetable for the next 3 turns.

 

[Seon]

I activate the nanaite self repair function, curing me of the internal instabilities as well as giving me constant regeneration.

 

[merciary]

I pray to whoever owns this temple to revel themselves to me so I can bring their glory onto the world.

 

[kill fire]

I try to heal myself.

 

[Double A]

I'm in the Covie ship right?

I use their medbay and advanced medicine to heal to full health.

 

[civplayah]

Ugh, wait! I shouldn't get frustrated. Then they'll attack! I show them the poorly converted schoolroom (my old living room) and usher them in for homeroom.

 

[bestrfcplayer]

I try to kill any player with the club that's near me.

 

[landlubber]

I start to cry.