Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Verarde]

I resign as Lieutenant-Colonel, and move to Virginia to start a new life.

 

[Red_Spy]

I find something to cheer me up.

 

[landlubber]

My army begins to march to defeat our first enemies.

 

[Abaddon]

I use my infamy to get the other prisoners to help me break out.

 

[hendo]

Use my desert eagle to finish off Verarde if he is still with the government brigade, otherwise finish off the government brigade now that it's leader is gone.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I rest my muscles.

 

[CivCube]

I focus on building Juanita's School For The Deaf: a science-growing school that runs entirely on weed.

 

[GenMarshall]

I move to the east away from the dud mines.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I fall asleep in the apartment building.

14 (11): You slip into a self-repairing unconsciousness. Each turn you take no action will restore 5 hitpoints.

We free the near by rhinos of there capitalist overlords!

6 (8): All the nearby rhinos already migrated into your socialist utopia.

Heading through the teleporter to the fight between the rebels and the government brigade, Attlee leads the lions in a charge on Verarde and the government brigade! (I come along for the lulz while the Master stays at the library, presumably to guard the teleporter so that only our allies can use it.)

2 (4): The entry point was terribly miscalculated, and you land right in the thick of it. Attlee sustains 14 damage, you, 11.

I resign as Lieutenant-Colonel, and move to Virginia to start a new life.

4: You quit your post, but you're still trapped in the fight.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17: You grab a fully-loaded FAMAS F1 and two magazines from a fallen soldier.

I find something to cheer me up.

11 (8): Endless grassland...

My army begins to march to defeat our first enemies.

13: Trololo, those evangelists never give up, do they? They retreat in the face of your initial advance, abandoning $83.

I use my infamy to get the other prisoners to help me break out.

6 (8): You're the only person in detention.

Use my desert eagle to finish off Verarde if he is still with the government brigade, otherwise finish off the government brigade now that it's leader is gone.

5 (8): You fire three shots, none of which hit.

I rest my muscles.

2: You chillax a bit too much, and now you can't get up!

I focus on building Juanita's School For The Deaf: a science-growing school that runs entirely on weed.

18: It just might be crazy enough... to generate 11 points of science per turn!

I move to the east away from the dud mines.

7: "Danger: Landmines"

 

[Red_Spy]

I walk to the nearest town, and open up a store.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Attlee, spotting Verarde's Lieutenant-Colonel uniform, rallies the lions and takes him down before I can point out the "retired" insignia on Verarde's collar.

 

[landlubber]

We build our headquarters on this very spot.

 

[Verarde]

I open up on Attlee.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I rest more until I'm ready to get up.

 

[Abaddon]

My detainment ends and I collect the various belongings that were waiting for me.

 

[hendo]

I target Verarde's weak point for massive damage.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I walk to the nearest town, and open up a store.

9 (6): You walk for what feels like hours, and all you get for your trouble is hunger and thirst.

Attlee, spotting Verarde's Lieutenant-Colonel uniform, rallies the lions and takes him down before I can point out the "retired" insignia on Verarde's collar.

15 (17): He jumps him for 14 damage and pins him to the ground.

We build our headquarters on this very spot.

16: HQ where all the equipment is! Brilliant!

I open up on Attlee.

13: You deal 22 damage.

I rest more until I'm ready to get up.

10: You rest some more, at any rate.

My detainment ends and I collect the various belongings that were waiting for me.

5 (6): An officer informs you you'll be taken custody by the intelligence ministry for interrogation.

I target Verarde's weak point for massive damage.

18: BOOM HEADSHOT YEAH!! You proceed to lay claim to his stuff.

John Freeman saw the dead going on all around.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (9): hendo takes 2 damage from shrapnel.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: Dhoomstriker blocks a swarm of bullets with his body, suffering 14 damage, and ongoing -7 hitpoints.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15: With his kill stolen, Attlee turns on the government forces.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: The pride's morale begins to waver as two lions go down.

 

[Red_Spy]

I find some food.

 

[GenMarshall]

I head the other way, to the north.

 

[Verarde]

Using the most massive diamond my ghost can find, I attempt to resurrect myself.