Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[MoreEpicThanYou]

I travel back to 1982, in the Soviet Union, and kill Stanislav Petrov. (For how it effects the future, go here.)

 

[CivCube]

I scrawl another notch into the cell wall.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"I've got balls of fail."

I practice on public speaking.

20: You become an orator par excellence, gaining a +3 bonus to public speaking.

We wait some more, then.

17: Night falls, and you raid a forward supply base, appropriating weapons, ammo, and a couple of trucks.

Using some nearby cacti, some of my duct tape, my engineering ability (+2), and my knowledge of medicine (+3), I create some regenerative body armour for Attlee and the members of my pride.

5 (10): No cacti in this city block.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12: You retreat into the alleys as the Marines renew their assault.

I use my sonic attack on the ulceration, causing extra damage.

2 (3): AUGH YOU GOT STOMACH JUICE IN YOUR MOUTH!! It burns for 15 damage.

Freed of the Tunnel, I seek out my Alien Brethren.

In Mexico. hey, they're not called "Illegal Aliens" for nothin'!

15: You shout to them. Really, really loud and far.

Although I may be paralyzed, I am still able to cunningly use my eyes to infiltrate the mind of one of my guards, my knowledge of firearms to have the guard's mind tell him to release his gun's safety and shoot all of his fellow guards followed by shooting himself, and my knowledge of sneak attacks to know precisely when the guard of the other guards will be let down.

(I'm going to have to make a sacrifice to the RNG gods to appease them )

A psychic you are not. They dump your body in the river and take some pot-shots for good measure.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: The water stays the bullets.

I start a prison riot.

6: With just the two of you, it's not much of a riot.

I kill them and look in there entrails for clues.

9 (10): The infantry fall back as the armoured cav advance.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): "Is that all ya got??" you shout, 5 hitpoints fleeing you.

In soviet russia, RNG gives me good roll!

10: But you're not in Soviet Russia.

I travel back to 1982, in the Soviet Union, and kill Stanislav Petrov. (For how it effects the future, go here.)

8: Drat! Battery's dead.

I scrawl another notch into the cell wall.

20 (19): You tap your spoon and unlock another secret stash within the secret stash, this one leading to some sort of satellite uplink.

 

[Skwink]

I make a speech on prison cruelty to gather support from fellow inmates

 

[Red_Spy]

Using my public speaking skills, I encourage countries to leave the European Union and join the Eurasian Union.

 

[Verarde]

I use my sonic attack to rip open a hole in the Hellcat that I climb out of.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

The "alley" turns out to be a main thoroughfare that is filled with loyal Mexicans and I combine my statesmanship (+2) and engineering ability (+2) to get my people to annihilate the invading American forces using human catapult attacks.

 

[GenMarshall]

Utilizing my sneak ability, I swim and emerge from the surface under the bridge while avoiding detection. Knowing that my hands are handcuffed, I utilize the Free Colchian swimming style (Think swimming like a dolphin, but modified to accommodate hand cuffed hands).

@Dhoomstriker - I think I may need help with these cuffs :-/

 

[hoplitejoe]

EVERYONE CHAAAARGE!caps

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

I insert the Batteries of Epicness, then try again.

 

[Terrance888]

I ask them to bring me some high-quality drugs.

 

[CivCube]

"Activate the Like, Really High Defense Grid."

 

[Darth Caesar]

I travel to Soviet Russia

 

[Boundless]

I know most people are going to miss this post. But if anyone were to successfully bring myself back to life, I would repay them a lot.

 

[hoplitejoe]

If I ever get to Horace I shall ask.

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

Maybe me causing a nuclear attack in the past will prevent them from killing you.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

It's aliiiiiive!

IT'S ALIIIIIIVE!!!

Effective immediately, I am abandoning my Python script and instead employing random.org for superior mathematical chance.

I make a speech on prison cruelty to gather support from fellow inmates

17: Spurred into action by your emotional appeal to Australia's surmounting of its penal inception, a riot breaks out and the prisoners rally 'round your leadership.

Using my public speaking skills, I encourage countries to leave the European Union and join the Eurasian Union.

7 (10): The Euro crisis was bad enough; they're not too keen on pushing the envelope.

I use my sonic attack to rip open a hole in the Hellcat that I climb out of.

8 (9): You give it minor discomfort, but that's about it.

The "alley" turns out to be a main thoroughfare that is filled with loyal Mexicans and I combine my statesmanship (+2) and engineering ability (+2) to get my people to annihilate the invading American forces using human catapult attacks.

1 (5): The push is a resounding failure and your party receives substantial injuries. You lose a point of Statesmanship as your leadership falls under question.

Utilizing my sneak ability, I swim and emerge from the surface under the bridge while avoiding detection. Knowing that my hands are handcuffed, I utilize the Free Colchian swimming style (Think swimming like a dolphin, but modified to accommodate hand cuffed hands).

11 (13): You flop onto the shore.

EVERYONE CHAAAARGE!caps

12 (13): You manage to regain the initiative and resume a creeping advance.

I insert the Batteries of Epicness, then try again.

5: You install it the wrong way 'round and the engine catches fire, dealing 9 damage.

I ask them to bring me some high-quality drugs.

16: You get some real fine coke and try a sample, resulting in a buzz that makes you feel like you can do anything, earning a +2 bonus to all rolls for the next four turns.

"Activate the Like, Really High Defense Grid."

10 (9): You activate the Kinda Meh Defense Cage.

I travel to Soviet Russia

17: You arrive in the USSR just as Gorby's taking office.

 

[Terrance888]

I lead my drug buddies and the angry mob to Coup Dhoomstriker, the President of Mexico.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I argue that this should be restarted, as half the players are inactive anyway.

 

[hoplitejoe]

It is so old Boundless is in the 3rd update back

I use Rhino mounted Laser weapons to kill them.