Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[GenMarshall]

Sam uses the confusion to take control of the hospital's announcement system and announces a code blue in quarantine.

 

[Robert Can't]

Blue never really sounds that threatening as a code colour.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

In Dalandzadgad, I work with local mystics to unspook myself.

16 (15): Coming to terms with the chaotic nature of the universe, you're no longer scared out of your soul, just existentially agitated. (SAN recovered.)

I seduce the Master.

8: You aren't in the Rhino Socialist Paradise.

In my insane condition, I draw strength from the mass confusion, rising above the tumult to actually believe that I can heal myself ("I think, therefore I am; I believe, therefore I can" becomes my repeatedly muttered mantra, which sounds like insane ramblings to anyone listening in), ironically serenely stabbing nails into the battery acid on my skin, layering popsicle sticks on bleeding spots, and connecting it all together with some duct tape in the most ridiculous engineering configuration of which one could ever conceive. Oh, and all while struggling to see what I'm doing because I had put on my bloody brilliant Sunglasses of Awesome.

2 (3): And with your final breath, you curse Zoidberg for ever suggesting such a boneheaded idea. But hey, at least you died classy.

I wait a mo' to see if I wig out even more.

15 (14): Seems like you're getting a grip. 1 SAN recovered.

Continue to deliver my crowbar to their heads till they paint the hallways in crimson! Slay for the Elder Gods! Slay! SLAY!

2 (5): Oh look, more guards. With guns.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): You're shot for 7 damage.

Sam uses the confusion to take control of the hospital's announcement system and announces a code blue in quarantine.

8: He was too late. The Reverend Dhoom saw the light...

Omega124 and Tolni are declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps mythmonster2 and the Circle of the Pitchmen!

 

[JohannaK]

I shoot something with my cool gun.

 

[CivCube]

I wonder if I can turn my city's population into geniuses. I consult with my scientists to see if this is possible.

 

[Omega124]

I officially declare I am not AWOL

 

[hoplitejoe]

I realise my place in the world.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

The Master lazily reclines on a human-shaped armchair with his feet on the rhino-shaped chair next to it and notices a red button on the armchair's arm which reads "Launch Nuke." Does he press it to start World War 3?

 

[GenMarshall]

Frank is happy to finally get the cruise that he always dreamed about taking with Nordberg, and he enjoys it to the fullest.

 

[Ailedhoo]

More guards to send to the Elder Gods!

Charge at the new guards and swing at them hard with my crowbar!

 

[gay_Aleks]

become sane once more

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I shoot something with my cool gun.

6: You take a shot at a baobab tree. Sure you hit it, but you just wasted a bullet.

I wonder if I can turn my city's population into geniuses. I consult with my scientists to see if this is possible.

5 (5): Theoretically it's possible with a robust and publicly-funded education system, but good luck fostering that sort of infrastructure around here!

I officially declare I am not AWOL

5 (8): You cut your finger on the prepared speech for 5 damage.

I realise my place in the world.

1 (1): Well... shoot. Looks like your destiny is to perpetuate the war with NATO until either everywhere but the Rhino Socialist Paradise is a lifeless wasteland, or you die in battle.

Frank is happy to finally get the cruise that he always dreamed about taking with Nordberg, and he enjoys it to the fullest.

20: Invigorated by a lengthy cruise, he returns to work fresh, limber, and with high spirits. Frank gains +2 to attack and defence, +1 to all rolls, and +1 charisma from his holiday tan.

More guards to send to the Elder Gods!

Charge at the new guards and swing at them hard with my crowbar!

9 (12): You bludgeon the new combatants with unnerving glee. Of course, the old combatants gang up on you from behind.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): You take another -4 hitpoints from close-quarters bayonets.

become sane once more

18 (15): You are no longer terrified, merely anxious. (Penalty halved.)

CubeCannon swaps Samuel North and the Construction Worker!

 

[Robert Can't]

I feel at the end of the day all of us roll a 1 for finding our place in the world.

#WhenThorvaldWentTooDeep

 

[CivCube]

I send out a poll to the populace:

"Which direction do you want to see this city go in?

A: Become a capitalist paradise of riches and commercial trade
B: Conquer the rest of Africa under the banner of Clan Cubekru
C: Dazzle the rest of the world with our cultural supremacy
D: Go to freakin' space in our own space station
E: Continue to be a cog in a machine of moral greys"

 

[hoplitejoe]

Good thing I don't believe in predetermined destiny!

 

[JohannaK]

I build the ultimate spacecraft.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Publish a video on my glorious return. Tell my flo- er, subscribers that while out there, in the wide open sea, I've realised that we must all gather together, with all our belongings and money, and begin our armed insurgency against the shadowy Enclave. Truly, this is the only way to end their menace.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Attempt to spin myself into a bladebarstorm; I will spin round to whack all around me. I will become a cyclone of smashing! All guards will embrace the wroth of the crowbar!

 

[Omega124]

Right, I should continue to do statecraftey things.

I send a cute ambassador to China since socialism (at least in theory for China) and they like giving money to Africa

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I send out a poll to the populace:

"Which direction do you want to see this city go in?

A: Become a capitalist paradise of riches and commercial trade
B: Conquer the rest of Africa under the banner of Clan Cubekru
C: Dazzle the rest of the world with our cultural supremacy
D: Go to freakin' space in our own space station
E: Continue to be a cog in a machine of moral greys"

10 (10): You get a rather infuriating five-way tie.

Good thing I don't believe in predetermined destiny!

18 (17): Oh, silly me, I mixed up 'Rhino Socialist Paradise' with 'Greco-Danish China' and 'you' with 'King George I'. AKA the guys holding Horace prisoner. AKA your real quest is to stop these usurping madmen from Taking Over the World™.

I build the ultimate spacecraft.

15: You work out the schematics in the sand and commit the shopping list to memory. Now you just gotta find a supplier for the materials, an assembly plant for the components, a certified crew for operation...

Publish a video on my glorious return. Tell my flo- er, subscribers that while out there, in the wide open sea, I've realised that we must all gather together, with all our belongings and money, and begin our armed insurgency against the shadowy Enclave. Truly, this is the only way to end their menace.

13 (14): A squad of self-equipped libertaritards assembles before you.

Attempt to spin myself into a bladebarstorm; I will spin round to whack all around me. I will become a cyclone of smashing! All guards will embrace the wroth of the crowbar!

5 (8): Sadly you cannot transcend your mortal form, and as you make yourself dizzy trying, the guards spread themselves out take turns shooting you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (4): 16 hitpoints transcend this mundane reality.

Right, I should continue to do statecraftey things.

I send a cute ambassador to China since socialism (at least in theory for China) and they like giving money to Africa

19 (20): Namibia gets a huge financial and industrial injection by Chinese labour to exploit distribute the natural wealth amongst the Chinese people, providing you a generous personal stipend of $16/turn and upgrading your armed forces with the newer Chinese equipment that actually works.

CivGeneral is declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps the Enchanter and the Man-Eating Rabbit!