"Two cows" jokes, CFC OT style

[Bozo Erectus]

Oh yeah I can see the guitar now. I thought it might be a cactus too, or like part of a small palm tree

Lozzy, sorry bud! I was on automatic pilot for that one. I wont kid you about it anymore

 

[Syterion]

Syterion has two cows. He's the first CFC member to have two cows!

Ooh, what a shot at my nondescriptness. But thanks for spelling my name right.

nonconformist has two cows. He buys another to be different.

 

[Chukchi Husky]

nonconformist had four cows: Freddie, Brian, John and Roger...

 

[superisis]

I thought it might be a cactus too, or like part of a small palm tree

I thought for a long time (still do) that Sword of Geddon's avatar was one of them meat eating plants... but I was wrong, it was a fish.

 

[Timko]

If only Xen was here then I could say:

Xen had twoc ows

 

[Blasphemous]

Perfection has two cows. He asks them to provide milk, but they refuse, claiming it's wrong to do so. He calmly explains to them that cows make milk, and provides plenty of evidence and supporting information for his claims, but the cows refuse. After a while, the cows go away. A few weeks later, one of them comes back with its cousin, and Perfection again attempts to explain to them why they actually do need to produce milk. The cows refuse, and leave after a while... Rinse and repeat.

(Anyone and everyone can go ahead and cow me, though I can't think of anything I could be cowed about. =P)

 

[Tomoyo]

Tomoyo had two cows, but in 1918 he sold them to a New York farmer for $125,000 to make money for his new theatre production. He couldn't get another cow for 86 years.

Don't forget how I got the cow's descendant back last year.

 

[Pirate]

Bozo Erectus has two cows. He renames them "chickens" because he no longer eats red meat.

 

[mrtn]

@Pirate:

 

[Taliesin]

With most humble apologies to Christmas Humphreys:

Brown are the limbs of my Beloved cows,
With horny plumes and flippin tails.
Where soft the busy light allows
Milking day and night in metal pails,
Supple udders move in solemn dance
With sweaty hands and hunched stance.
Cows that whisper oh so bold
“Taliesin your hands are mighty cold”.

That is truly impressive.

 

[WillJ]

Hehe, there's been some good ones. Thx Syterion. [I'll post more as the ideas come to me.]

IglooDude has two cows. One begins construction on a sarin plant. He throws his plow at it, yelling, "Why can't you just sell drugs like your brother?!"

Azadre has two cows. He complains that if John Kerry were President he'd have three.

SeleucusNicator has two cows. He breeds as many more cows as possible in the interests of national security.

Perfection has two cows. He makes a landmark discovery in biochemistry when he discovers that the molecular structure of cows is simply:

     W    
    / 
C--O

Mise has two cows. He secretly feeds one to a Hindu friend of his.

North King and nonconformist each have two cows. Instead of making a profit off of them, they decide to distribute the meat made from the cows to those who need it. They spread the word and remarkably form a multinational nonprofit organization. With the help of Ben Affleck and other progressive Hollywood activists, it lasts for three days.

Bozo Erectus has two cows. One of them grows sad, inspiring the painting The Crying Cow. Members of the international artistic community analyze the work and deem it a masterpiece, concluding that it represents the struggle developing countries must go through in the face of globalization. Bozo says, "Yeah, sure, whatever," and sells the painting for $23 million.

Bacon King wants to be his two cows' neighbor. He misinterprets Jesus's message of loving thy neighbor, and gets arrested for beastiality. Aphex Twin, tolerant of just about all sexual activities, comes to his aid and organizes a campaign against these oppressive laws.

Zarn has two cows. He brands them with, "W THE PRESIDENT."

LLXerxes has two cows. He milks them, and his parents get arrested for child labor violations.

Yom has two cows. He constructs the following diagram and concludes he can sell each one for $175:

 

[zulu9812]

I humbly throw myself at the mercy of the erudite masses

 

[Azadre]

I humbly throw myself at the mercy of the erudite masses

Zulu has two cows. One gets mad cow disease, and he sends it George Bush. He gets send to Gitmo and the other cow has udders of oil and is milked for millions in Iraq.

 

[Rhymes]

Zulu has 2 cows, he shoots em both because cows are a symbol of US imperialism acording to some web site.

 

[Ayatollah So]

SN has two cows. The cows immediately realize they have numerical superiority. They kill SN and take over his house.

WillJ has two cows, but he is too busy starting new threads on CFC to milk them. The cows' udders become dangerously inflamed and the ASPCA calls the government to take them away. WillJ starts a new thread on whether the government should enforce laws against cruelty to animals.

OK, I'm fair game.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Zulu had two cows. One day he bought a cargo plane and loaded the cows on it. He flew to Israel and when he was flying over Ariel Sharons house, he pushed them out.

@Willj, good one. If only that were true

 

[Aphex_Twin]

Aytollah has two cows. They are constantly arguing about the nature of the noumenal cow and it's implications to Kant's idealism.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Pirate has two cows. One cow spits its cud on paper and calls it art. Pirate respects the cows art and hangs it prominently in the barn. The other cow laughs at both of them.

 

[downtown]

Bozo has two cows. they contimplate breaking off and forming their own country

you guys can do me

 

[cgannon64]

I'm in.

Azadre has two cows. The Iranian government nationalizes his cows, and takes them away. Azadre forgives the Iranian government.

Bozo Erectus has two cows. He makes puns about them.

North King has two cows. He feeds his commune with them. There is not enough; everyone dies.

I'm too lazy to continue...