Will you get married, are you married if either are so, why?
- Thread starter Elta
- Start date
Communisto
Condottiere
I honestly dont know. Im not religious and the idea of forming a legal corporation with someone else is just... weird to me.
However, I definitely hope that I can spend the rest of my life and have a kid with someone awesome.
However, I definitely hope that I can spend the rest of my life and have a kid with someone awesome.
Narz
keeping it real
I found my current girlfriend by talking about my problems on the Internet....
Spoiler :
That's a laudable goal! But please, for the sake of your hypothetical child, MARRY the person with whom you are planning to reproduce. And not because it's "right" or because it's "traditional" or because it just looks better that way, but because it is in your child's best interests to have the security and legal protections afforded to a married couple.
Ziggy Stardust
Absolutely Sane
Marriage is meaningless to me.
I might get around to be married, but that'll be because the girlfriend kind of likes the occasion. It would change nothing in the relationship though.
I might get around to be married, but that'll be because the girlfriend kind of likes the occasion. It would change nothing in the relationship though.
My sentiments exactly.
I don't get where you guys are coming from with this "you can trust a piece of paper but not your spouse" stuff. What does that even mean?? Do you honestly believe that someone would suggest you get married to someone you can't trust? I just... it's like... you can't... but... 
Are you objecting to getting married because you think it's like you're selling out or something? Being too traditional? Objecting to people getting married for the wrong reasons? Feeling that you don't need a "piece of paper" to prove you love someone? I'm just guessing... care to elaborate?
Are you objecting to getting married because you think it's like you're selling out or something? Being too traditional? Objecting to people getting married for the wrong reasons? Feeling that you don't need a "piece of paper" to prove you love someone? I'm just guessing... care to elaborate?
Getting a government license for your relationship is unnecessarily submitting to the nanny state.
Ziggy Stardust
Absolutely Sane
It's not objecting, it's not seeing the point. I might get married just for the occasion of it. But it would add nothing to my relationship.I don't get where you guys are coming from with this "you can trust a piece of paper but not your spouse" stuff. What does that even mean?? Do you honestly believe that someone would suggest you get married to someone you can't trust? I just... it's like... you can't... but...
Are you objecting to getting married because you think it's like you're selling out or something? Being too traditional? Objecting to people getting married for the wrong reasons? Feeling that you don't need a "piece of paper" to prove you love someone? I'm just guessing... care to elaborate?
And I simply don't understand why people feel the need to get married. For the reason stated. Unless when said person is a religious person, then I can see the motivation.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
Well, there's a whole bunch of legal rights and what not you get when you get married.
Ziggy Stardust
Absolutely Sane
You make it sound so romantic
Yeah, I get that, but I was focusing on the emotional response. I haven't got a clue what the differences are with marriage but I've got one of those "yeah, we're living together" contracts when we bought a house.
bathsheba666
Fast 'n Bulbous
I don't get where you guys are coming from with this "you can trust a piece of paper but not your spouse" stuff. What does that even mean?? Do you honestly believe that someone would suggest you get married to someone you can't trust? I just... it's like... you can't... but...
This sounds like you might be trying to quote me...
..., except if you are you've got it wrong, and altered the words to be pointing about 180 degrees from where I pointed mine. I am nowhere suggesting you can or should trust a piece of paper - rather I am saying that needing to do that is sad and desperate.
To shorten this, let's just assume that - as I didn't actually think or say any of the things you are implying I think - I shouldn't really need to deny them
Wouldn't it be simpler to just go by what I said?
You're continuing to place constructions on a misunderstanding.
I'm not objecting to getting married - simply:
- not doing it
- pointing out it's unnecessary
- suggesting its basis is dubious
If anything, it seems little more than an outdated relic from times when it represented associations of property.
I gave up on marriage because my lifestyle has been transient, to say the least, and I've known a lot of people who marry slightly less than ideal women and end up with the choice between them or the job - of course, the pick the wife and many regret it. Also, you can't have a proper tour of Belize with a vow of fidelity on your back!
CaptainF
The Professional Poster
Who knows. I'm definitely not keen on the idea of marriage, but hey life is unpredictable, and anything could happen. Never say never.
Well, one of the things you said earlier (about the "piece of paper" only making a difference at the end of a relationship) was just plain wrong, so I was trying to understand what your opinions were, apart from the incorrect information about what marriage entails, legally.
I can certainly understand choosing not to get married yourself, and I'm not here to advocate that anyone SHOULD get married if they don't want to. (I probably sound more traditional and conservative than I really am by harping on this point, but I'm comfortable with contradictions.)
Whether it is "necessary" or not is vague. Necessary for what? To experience love? No. To have a valid long-term relationship? No, of course not. To ensure that your significant other has the legal basis to ensure you are cared for appropriately in the event of a medical emergency? Yes, absolutely.
This is my point: that your feelings about marriage as a traditional social institution should not cloud your reasoning about its impact on the very tangible legal and financial matters that are very relevant here and now. I don't know what you mean by "its basis is dubious," but I do understand the reservations about bygone concepts of women as property and all that outdated nonsense. However, I'd argue that those are merely certain aspects of what getting married traditionally meant (like wearing rings, the woman adopting the man's surname, etc) and that those aspects are all optional.
It is very possible in this day and age to marry someone and make that act and the ceremony accompanying it very personal and very relevant to the two of you, and to avoid the aspects of the act and ceremony that you find distasteful or outdated. Don't dismiss the possibility of marriage simply because it seems like an ancient, musty old tradition; you're not bound by any of those traditions. You are presumably bound by the laws of your state or nation, though, and many of those laws and other institutions are more favorable to you and your loved one if you have that "piece of paper" that you're so quick to dismiss.
Here's a list of the legal and financial benefits of marriage in the U.S. I didn't look up the UK, but I assume many of these would be similar.
Ziggy Stardust
Absolutely Sane
Well SJ, that's a fine long list (and a great reminder why this DOMA business is for the birds, really ... it's like ... damn! ... ok?) but what Bathsheba and I were referring to was with regard to trust. As in the emotional need to get married.
Re: DOMA... yeah, tell me about it. Seriously messed.
Re: Trust... okay, fair enough. I guess I assume that if you're at a point where you're even considering getting married, you trust your significant other well enough to be comfortable with these things, and you want to spend your life together.
Whether you have an emotional need to be married is... well, I guess that's weird. People need that?
Jabarto
Emperor
I am speaking from a financial point of view, silly people.
You knew what was coming when you piqued my overactive imagination.
Er, well...I hate to say it, but that's pretty much it. I mean, it's not all about the money - hell, I don't exactly have a lot of that anyway - but let's be realistic here. Half of all marriages end in divorce; it's not exactly a wise move to give someone the power to destroy you and trust them not to do so.
That said, I think a lot of it has to do with the societal assumption that people have to get married to be happy. If kids would just wait a while (maybe til their mid 20's) before marriage, I think we'd see that divorce rate plummet pretty quick. Even I might be amenable to it when I'm that old.
sophie
Break My Heart
Me too!
You knew what was coming when you piqued my overactive imagination.
Er, well...I hate to say it, but that's pretty much it. I mean, it's not all about the money - hell, I don't exactly have a lot of that anyway - but let's be realistic here. Half of all marriages end in divorce; it's not exactly a wise move to give someone the power to destroy you and trust them not to do so.
That said, I think a lot of it has to do with the societal assumption that people have to get married to be happy. If kids would just wait a while (maybe til their mid 20's) before marriage, I think we'd see that divorce rate plummet pretty quick. Even I might be amenable to it when I'm that old.
u haz teh fakts wit dat?
Yeah, that number seems off. The stat I have seen shows that 100% of divorces start in marriage.
Similar threads
