Luckymoose
The World is Mine
I was a nice guy for a while. Then I became a prick and that is how I got my first, and every girlfriend, since then.
Will you get married, are you married if either are so, why?
- Thread starter Elta
- Start date
Hygro
soundcloud.com/hygro/
BirdJaguar, you have a story about how you worked to win your wife over that you promised to tell 
Leifmk
Deity
I have to say that the people who say things such as "we don't need a piece of paper to prove our love" etc. confuse me. The piece of paper matters. It has legal and financial consequences. Potentially damn huge ones.
Mathalamus
Emperor of Mathalia
some people can just live together and have kids and all that without being married.
Leifmk
Deity
Yes, and then they are, in most countries, in a less secure legal and financial position than if they were married. Granted, the difference varies between jurisdictions and in some places might not be all that huge, but still.
Jabarto
Emperor
You just outlined the exact reason I never want to be married, probably better than I could have done.
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 15,195
Provided you make it so everything's not split 50/50 in the event of divorce, what makes divorce so bad? I mean, I know it can take a while... but so can a wedding in the first place.
Marriage seems to provide only benefits and no costs provided you make it so nothing's split 50/50...
Marriage seems to provide only benefits and no costs provided you make it so nothing's split 50/50...
Ergo Sum
Prince
I am not married - too young first of all, second of all I have doubts that it's something I'd want. Whenever I've been in a relationship I tend to hate how I am/feel. They seem like an excuse to get hopelessly attached to someone, neglecting other important responsibilities in my life and letting my emotions run away with me. The sex part is good, but that can be had with more or less trouble without an s/o. No woman I've met seems to make marriage worth it to me, and if I do then that's who I'll marry.
Disgustipated
Deity
I hear you, I hate that excuse too. I only got the girl I got now by being strong and persistent. I was nice with her, but I also insisted on her satisfying my needs (don't think I'm selfish, I satisfy her more than she satisfies me, she's capable of multiple orgasms, I'm not).
I'm still a nice guy with other women. I still don't ask them out. I know it seems strange. but I always thought it was rude to hit on every woman. I always thought of it as sexual harassment, and I've always been afraid of sexually harassing women by asking them out. Because women get hit on by men so much, and they always say they hate it. So being a nice guy, I don't do something that women say they hate.
married for 4 years now, together for 14 years so far...
Disgustipated
Deity
I'm not sure I understand your answer. You are saying the financial matters are the reason never to marry? Are you saying you cannot fully trust a woman and are afraid she's going to take you for all your money?
I actually do believe in marriage. It shows full and complete trust in the other partner. If you don't trust your partner, I can understand not getting married.
Ekolite
Deity
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2007
- Messages
- 5,451
I have mixed feelings about marriage to be honest. My parents are currently divorcing after being married 20 years, and my dad has always told me to essentially plough the field and make sure I find the right person and are ready for marriage before settling down and commiting to them in that way. He's worried that as I'm approaching the age that he married my mother I might make the same mistakes that he did.
My parents married at 21, which is quite early by our standards although not so unusual 20 years ago. When I was younger I used to agree with my dad entirely in that it was way too early to marry, and thought that I would wait until I'm at least 30.
However since then I've reconsidered quite a lot. I really want to get married at some point, and probably sooner rather then later. If I thought I'd found the right man then after a couple of years I would probably marry him, even now. I can't really explain why the idea appeals so much. I've always been fairly conservative regarding relations and society, and I think marriage is an important symbol for the couple and for the people around them. Plus, it's romantic and it gives your relationship an air of legitimacy that it wouldn't otherwise have.
My parents married at 21, which is quite early by our standards although not so unusual 20 years ago. When I was younger I used to agree with my dad entirely in that it was way too early to marry, and thought that I would wait until I'm at least 30.
However since then I've reconsidered quite a lot. I really want to get married at some point, and probably sooner rather then later. If I thought I'd found the right man then after a couple of years I would probably marry him, even now. I can't really explain why the idea appeals so much. I've always been fairly conservative regarding relations and society, and I think marriage is an important symbol for the couple and for the people around them. Plus, it's romantic and it gives your relationship an air of legitimacy that it wouldn't otherwise have.
bathsheba666
Fast 'n Bulbous
Not sure what you're trying to prove here, except perhaps the opposite.
The piece of paper only matters when the relationship ends.
It has nothing to do with love, only with breakdown and conflict.
I'm not sure it's the people ( saying the quote you're attributing to them ) that are confusing you.
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 15,195
I know it's correlation = causation, but oddly enough, not looking beyond my family, the children that grew up best had two loving parents in a stable marriage.
I have 3 biological uncles.
One had a marriage but it was a very abusive one based on what my now deceased aunt(by marriage) would tell me. It's likely since he's an alcoholic. No children, but I imagine they would've turned out horrid.
One divorced his wife, and now is a colossal ass to his kids, making one of my cousins stay home while everyone else goes out and has fun because it conflicted with his "plans" (which were never carried out), while he also doesn't manage his son correctly.
Finally, the third uncle is divorced, and lets his kids run amock(apparently this is common amongst divorcees; I've been told they let their kids have a lot of freedom so the children will like them more?). His kids are punks and next time I visit Michigan I'll be ready to take them on no matter what my uncle says.
I have 3 biological aunts.
One aunt has become estranged from her children in recent months, so much she spent Christmas with us rather than back in Michigan. One of her three children is out of control and the other is okay; the father is not only broken up but also is in prison. This is the one side of the family without a marriage that's pretty good all things considered, but my grandmother foots a lot of the bills for this aunt, so of course some issues aren't there.
The next aunt is an ex-con, one of her daughters does drugs and is a stripper, and her other daughter had a kid at 20 and is with a complete idiot(not to mention she's pretty... umm, subpar herself).
The final aunt has been in a loving relationship since forever, and all three daughters are wonderful: one has a good job and the younger two do good in school and also engage in a variety of extra-curricular activities.
---
I just find it an interesting trend - the children from stable marriages(with a good income as a bonus) turn out the best. Indeed, we (as in myself and my two siblings) often been told we're some of the most well-behaved, kind, respectful children in the family. The same goes for the three daughters described above.
Then again, the studies are in favor of this idea too(though I'm adding anecdotes to back up the studies). Sounds like Captain Government has a responsibility to increase marriages and reduce divorce rates!
Almost makes me wish divorce was still stigmatised.
I have 3 biological uncles.
One had a marriage but it was a very abusive one based on what my now deceased aunt(by marriage) would tell me. It's likely since he's an alcoholic. No children, but I imagine they would've turned out horrid.
One divorced his wife, and now is a colossal ass to his kids, making one of my cousins stay home while everyone else goes out and has fun because it conflicted with his "plans" (which were never carried out), while he also doesn't manage his son correctly.
Finally, the third uncle is divorced, and lets his kids run amock(apparently this is common amongst divorcees; I've been told they let their kids have a lot of freedom so the children will like them more?). His kids are punks and next time I visit Michigan I'll be ready to take them on no matter what my uncle says.
I have 3 biological aunts.
One aunt has become estranged from her children in recent months, so much she spent Christmas with us rather than back in Michigan. One of her three children is out of control and the other is okay; the father is not only broken up but also is in prison. This is the one side of the family without a marriage that's pretty good all things considered, but my grandmother foots a lot of the bills for this aunt, so of course some issues aren't there.
The next aunt is an ex-con, one of her daughters does drugs and is a stripper, and her other daughter had a kid at 20 and is with a complete idiot(not to mention she's pretty... umm, subpar herself).
The final aunt has been in a loving relationship since forever, and all three daughters are wonderful: one has a good job and the younger two do good in school and also engage in a variety of extra-curricular activities.
---
I just find it an interesting trend - the children from stable marriages(with a good income as a bonus) turn out the best. Indeed, we (as in myself and my two siblings) often been told we're some of the most well-behaved, kind, respectful children in the family. The same goes for the three daughters described above.
Then again, the studies are in favor of this idea too(though I'm adding anecdotes to back up the studies). Sounds like Captain Government has a responsibility to increase marriages and reduce divorce rates!
Almost makes me wish divorce was still stigmatised.
I can only speak with regards to American law, but being legally married here confers significant rights, protections, and benefits for a married couple. (Tax filing, housing, estate planning, social security, insurance, employment benefits, etc.) I imagine there's a lot of similar protections afforded under UK law.
That "piece of paper" absolutely matters during that relationship. I think that was Leifmk's point.
Does being legally married mean you somehow love your spouse more than a couple who is not married? No, of course not. And maybe that your point, but if you truly believe that being married does not have any impact on your life and your relationship until and unless that relationship falls apart, you are likely misinformed.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
Will probably get married at some point in the future - gotta try everything at least once.. right?
GhostWriter16
Deity
Getting married isn't something you "Just try" its a promise to stay together with someone "Till Death do us part."
Thank you for that pointless correction to a humorous offhand remark.
Besides, Warpus is right. It's worth a try! Some people like it!
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