Worst possible conversation opener

[Gori the Grey]

This is a thread designed to generate humorous responses. So nothing that would actually cross the line of feeling threatening or sicko, etc.

It's also a competition. I will be awarding a trophy at the end of it, to the entry that makes me laugh the hardest.

Contest runs through St. Patrick's Day. Enter as often as you like.

Judgment of me is final.

I'll help you out this way. I will give high honors to any proposal where I first say to myself "well, what would be wrong with that?" and then it dawns on me what would be. I will also look favorably on the absurdly wrong-footed.

 

[r16]

bond , James Bond . Guaranteed 10 years of misery .

 

[EgonSpengler]

"Everybody told me you're only supposed to participate in one pharmaceuticals trial at a time, but man, I feel great."
"You won't believe the day I've had. I thought working for the CDC was going to be exciting, but seeing those rats just explode like that..."
"You remind me of my ex."

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Judgment of me is final.

We get to judge you? Cool. (normally the judge judges the contestants, but if the contestants get to judge the judge, that could be fun...)

 

[Gori the Grey]

Valka's judgment of my judgment of the winner is final, then.

Egon's first one has set you all a pretty high bar.

 

[IglooDame]

"Hey, just so you know, I have some Narcan here if you need it."
"Nice tits. Do you come here often?"
"You really should have a better password on your calendar app."

 

[Birdjaguar]

Have you ever seen a one-eared elephant?

 

[EvaDK]

"Hi, pretty girl. I'm Harvey Weinstein."

 

[AmazonQueen]

The names Andrew, Prince Andrew.

 

[amadeus]

“I just finished David Irving’s latest book. You look like you’d enjoy him.”

 

[Farm Boy]

Hi, I'm with the city.

 

[TheCleanerDragon]

"So, have you stopped beating your wife?"
"I just finished Mein Kampf. I think you'd really like it."
"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."

 

[EnglishEdward]

"I'm from the government and I'm here to help.”​

 

[The_J]

We had a professor from a collaborating department, who nearly everyone considered racist. 1-2 of my friends said he might just have bad humour.
While supervising a course and looking after the students, he'd sometimes come and strike up conversation.
Examples included:
- "Did you know that the university of Moscow has special exams for their Jewish students? Because they are so smart, they need a higher limit."
- "Did you know that most crimes in Norway are commited by black people?"
Definitely my worst so far experienced real life conversation starters.


On a lighter note:
- "Have you heard the good news?"

 

[AmazonQueen]

Would you like to see my tattoos?

 

[Birdjaguar]

Would you like to see my tattoos?

Sure!

 

[Gori the Grey]

If this:

Have you ever seen a one-eared elephant?

is supposed to be achieving this:

I will give high honors to any proposal where I first say to myself "well, what would be wrong with that?" and then it dawns on me what would be.

then I admit you've got me stumped.
If it's just this:

absurd

then that's another matter.

Don't tell me which. On the assumption that it might be the former, I've put a clock on myself (and will for any that work that way). Whoever's goes the longest between "what's wrong with that?" and "ah, I see" will get special consideration. I've been spending since 1:22 today mulling over what this reference to a one-eared elephant could be. Not sexual innuendo, I don't think. The danger of an elephant possibly being nearby, and possibly being enraged at having an ear torn off? But then it wouldn't have the "ever."

 

[Birdjaguar]

Good luck. Let me know when you give up or need a clue.

 

[Gorbles]

"On a scale of one to ten, how much of an alpha would you say you are?"

 

[amadeus]

"On a scale of one to ten, how much of an alpha would you say you are?"

Epsilon.