Would you spank your child?

[Akka]

This should be basic common sense, but it's more fun to exaggerate.

"Oh time out? SO YOU WANT TO LOCK YOUR CHILD IN THE BASEMENT FOR 20 YEARS? WHAT IS THIS, AUSTRIA?"

Just like this you mean ? :

"Oh a small smack on the butt ? YOU WANT TO BEAT YOU CHILDREN EVERY HOUR UNTIL HIS BONES BREAK ? WHAT ARE YOU, A BLOODLUSTING BRUTE ?"

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

No I would never spank my child. And I'm sure no child of mine would grow up to be a bad person.

Spoiler :

I'm 99% sure I'm not going to have any kids, or have any running around already

 

[El_Machinae]

I think it's silly to throw out spanking as a tool. The main use of a spank is to deter a specific behaviour, but the behaviour should be one that has to do with a sudden loss of self-control. A spank is an immediate deterrent, and does not allow rationalisation or self-editing of the memory of the events.

I'd reserve it only for certain types of outbursts. These need to be clearly defined to the child, and so we have to wait for a certain level of cognition. If a spank cannot be used immediately, I don't think it should be 'reserved' for 'when we get home', since other types of punishment would be just as good.

Again, I'll mention habituation. Lots of people believe in 'escalating punishments to deter behaviour', but these can result in punishments that far exceed the normally needed severity. The child will acclimate to time-outs, if they're used inappropriately. The child will acclimate to groundings. Etc.

Finally, my parents reserved the spanking (after early childhood) for a few reserved scenarios. It was crystal clear that there were certain lines I was never allowed to cross. And I never crossed them. However, for preventing temper tantrums, I think that spankings are nearly ideal. Kids can control themselves, but catharsis & lack of willpower can make temper tantrums very tempting, despite deterred punishments.

 

[Narz]

I think it's silly to throw out spanking as a tool.

I don't agree. If I absolutely unconditionally throw it out as a tool I am forced to think on my feet & know that that's a limit I set for myself that I cannot break. Actually, I think it's a very good example to my children. Gives them a model of discipline to follow. How'm I gonna tell my kids to solve their problems without violence when I always keep it as an option for myself?

(note : "I'm not saying OMG buttslapping is the worst violence ever!!1!111!" but technically it is using violence to solve problems)

 

[RedRalph]

I would spank Beyonce's parents children

 

[Narz]

I would spank Beyonce's parents children

 

[Azale]

Just like this you mean ? :

"Oh a small smack on the butt ? YOU WANT TO BEAT YOU CHILDREN EVERY HOUR UNTIL HIS BONES BREAK ? WHAT ARE YOU, A BLOODLUSTING BRUTE ?"

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. If you had read the thread you would know I am a bloodthirsty tyrant of child

 

[LucyDuke]

When I think spanking, I think bending a kid over your knee & giving them a pre-detirmined number of open hand slaps (or you could use a paddle or belt) to the rump. What were you talking about?

A whack on the ass. Maybe a couple of whacks. Flipping the kid, or using a paddle or belt, is too physically involved for my taste.

Others will take it farther, and the more involved the smacking, the less support I'll offer, but to call any physical discipline "beating" is hysterical.

Start a poll, I'm curious now!

If someone got offended I was wearing headphones in a public place I would find them quite strange (well, an antique store or something but not a supermarket or subway car). Now if you're totally oblivious to all but your music & almost bumping into people that's a different story. Also if your music is so loud as to be annoying others.

Simple as this: are you or are you not part of this community? If you are part of a community, engage with it. If not, go home. Just my take.

(I wouldn't be personally offended, I'd just think you were rude.)

Their actions still have causes, it's not just random behavior.

Yes. That's not what I'm disagreeing with.

What would you hit a kid over (as a specific example)?

Not much. Outbursts that need rapid response. The only specific I can think of is if my kid said something disrespectful (probably profane) to my face, I'd likely slap his. It's not a very good example though. I'll bump if I encounter a better one.

Anywayz, my mother did use physical force to restrain me against my will. In fact she did it on a regular basis for half-hour at a time, IIRC. I hated it passionately. It was called "holding", I was five. I consider it far worse than spanking actually (you hold the child down against his will whether he has done anything wrong or not, if he struggles you continue to hold him down, eventually most children just give up & resign themselves to it).

I do that with my brown dog. Usually more like five minutes tops before she submits. It's only when she's naughty, though, and it's much, much more effective than anything else I've ever tried with problem puppies.

How'm I gonna tell my kids to solve their problems without violence when I always keep it as an option for myself?

(note : "I'm not saying OMG buttslapping is the worst violence ever!!1!111!" but technically it is using violence to solve problems)

It doesn't reflect on adults solving adult problems adult ways. Smacking a problem child is different from a fistfight.

 

[Rik Meleet]

Never .

 

[Akka]

I do that with my brown dog. Usually more like five minutes tops before she submits. It's only when she's naughty, though, and it's much, much more effective than anything else I've ever tried with problem puppies.

Just as an aside : grab him by the neck and shake him (not even strongly, you don't need to inflict pain). It's extremely efficient, because it tells the dog "bad bad bad !". It comes from how the mother actually punishes the puppies herself.
We never needed anything else as a punishment on our dogs.

 

[MobBoss]

I don't agree. If I absolutely unconditionally throw it out as a tool I am forced to think on my feet & know that that's a limit I set for myself that I cannot break. Actually, I think it's a very good example to my children. Gives them a model of discipline to follow. How'm I gonna tell my kids to solve their problems without violence when I always keep it as an option for myself?

(note : "I'm not saying OMG buttslapping is the worst violence ever!!1!111!" but technically it is using violence to solve problems)

Just as an aside...in real life, sometimes violence can indeed be the singular solution to a problem. Whether you believe that or not is irrelevant as well.

I mean....havent you said you take martial arts lessons? If violence is never an option....then whats the point of learning self-defense?

I agree with El_Mac 100% on this one.

 

[El_Machinae]

The last thing a spank should be, though, is 'unpredictable'. If the kid is being bad, or has done something wrong, but in a generic way, the spank is inappropriate. A spank will not get a person to generalise their understanding of their bad behaviour: that's where groundings or talkings-to are more useful. They need to be for specific offenses.

If a kid goes through life occasionally getting spanked for 'being bad', they'll just habituate to 'sometimes getting spanked'. It's hard for a kid to form a heuristic regarding punishments, unless the heuristic is very clear.

 

[LucyDuke]

<off-topic>

Just as an aside : grab him by the neck and shake him (not even strongly, you don't need to inflict pain). It's extremely efficient, because it tells the dog "bad bad bad !". It comes from how the mother actually punishes the puppies herself.
We never needed anything else as a punishment on our dogs.

I always grab the scruff, also because of how mama treats puppies. The thing I like about putting her on the floor is that it immediately stops the bad behavior, and then she decides when she's calm enough for me to let go.

</off-topic>

 

[Grisu]

I think it's silly to throw out spanking as a tool. The main use of a spank is to deter a specific behaviour, but the behaviour should be one that has to do with a sudden loss of self-control. A spank is an immediate deterrent, and does not allow rationalisation or self-editing of the memory of the events.

I wouldn't say it's silly at all. Many parents do exactly that, and many of them are perfectly good parents. What might be silly is to rule it out for all parents, maybe that's what you meant?

 

[MobBoss]

I wouldn't say it's silly at all. Many parents do exactly that, and many of them are perfectly good parents. What might be silly is to rule it out for all parents, maybe that's what you meant?

Many of them dont, and I see their whiny, bratty kids bawling and throwing fits at the store all the time, while the parent tries to reason with a utterly unreasonable child.

In saying that, I think his point was to arbitrarily rule it out all-together when it could be the one tool that gets through an unreasonable child.

 

[LucyDuke]

I don't think the whiny, bratty kids are mostly a result of parents that don't spank, I think they're mostly a result of parents that are all-around lousy parents. A friend of mine, my age (mother at 19 is often a good predictor of not a great parent), has a whiny, bratty son, and she hits him, but she also indulges his candy tantrums at the checkout line. Doesn't matter how many times you hit the kid, if you teach it that a tantrum will get it candy, then it's gonna have a tantrum when it wants candy. I'm definitely on the "hit him if you have to" side of this discussion, but "didn't hit the kid" is not the primary cause of brattiness by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

 

[bigdog5994]

I don't think the whiny, bratty kids are mostly a result of parents that don't spank, I think they're mostly a result of parents that are all-around lousy parents. A friend of mine, my age (mother at 19 is often a good predictor of not a great parent), has a whiny, bratty son, and she hits him, but she also indulges his candy tantrums at the checkout line. Doesn't matter how many times you hit the kid, if you teach it that a tantrum will get it candy, then it's gonna have a tantrum when it wants candy. I'm definitely on the "hit him if you have to" side of this discussion, but "didn't hit the kid" is not the primary cause of brattiness by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

Lucy your gonna make a great mom

 

[MobBoss]

I don't think the whiny, bratty kids are mostly a result of parents that don't spank, I think they're mostly a result of parents that are all-around lousy parents. A friend of mine, my age (mother at 19 is often a good predictor of not a great parent), has a whiny, bratty son, and she hits him, but she also indulges his candy tantrums at the checkout line. Doesn't matter how many times you hit the kid, if you teach it that a tantrum will get it candy, then it's gonna have a tantrum when it wants candy. I'm definitely on the "hit him if you have to" side of this discussion, but "didn't hit the kid" is not the primary cause of brattiness by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

Perhaps its where I live. Lots of Euro-wannabes up here in the great NW that seem to think all children can be reasoned with and abor spanking as if it were something neanderthals did. Kinda reminds me of that commercial: 'so easy a caveman could do it'.

 

[El_Machinae]

I wouldn't say it's silly at all. Many parents do exactly that, and many of them are perfectly good parents. What might be silly is to rule it out for all parents, maybe that's what you meant?

Well, people can decide to not use spanking ahead of time. A percentage of those people will be able to successfully raise a kid just fine.

 

[Bill3000]

Lucy your gonna make a great mom

But she hates children!