Chukchi Husky
Lone Wolf
I never been in a relationship, and probably never will be in one.
Are you in a relationship?
- Thread starter azzaman333
- Start date
I agree, you have to put yourself out there and try to meet someone. For a long time I thought no one would be interested in me but when I actually started trying to meet guys I found out a lot of guys were interested in me and not just losers either. Some were really good looking and had a decent job. Just to clarify, I don't consider having a decent job necessary to date me but I don't want someone who I have to support.
JerichoHill
Bedrock of Knowledge
Married over 4 years. Wife is pretty cool. Nano, Integral, back me up that my wife is cool!
Winner
Diverse in Unity
I'll never have someone say that about me.
The most frequent and the most idiotic advice there is (no offence to you guys, I guess you mean well).
I don't think I've ever been in a serious relationship. I am not awkward with women - I have no problem talking with them, meeting them, making them laugh, etc. It just rarely progresses into the stage when you get intimate - the women I am interested in generally a) have someone already; or b) are smart enough to avoid getting into something deeper with me.
Can't blame them, personally I don't think I am cut out for this either. It would be nice to have someone to, I don't know, share, but so far I am not terribly depressed.
Winner
Diverse in Unity
Well, of course you need to meet people. For young people - students especially - this is not much of a problem unless someone is really very very shy and the thought of talking with women makes him shiver or something.
Often this "advice" goes like: just go out to a pub/club/whatever, talk to random girls, be a "player". That's no advice, that's lunacy. I can't imagine this could lead to the desired outcome in more than 0.1% of attempts.
'Meeting' isn't the problem. The problem is, what do you say to someone who knows a lot of people, has plenty of friends, is meeting new girls regularly, but the opportunities for something deeper than just friendship aren't presenting themselves. Unless you want to suggest something like "well, ask out any girl you meet/get to know, you'll hit jackpot sooner or later" which in reality would just ruin your standing within the circle of your friends/acquaintances and make you look like an idiot to everyone.
It's a fact that for some people, the whole relationships thing comes easy and natural. To me it sometimes seems that there is something missing in my "social programming". Either that, or I am just naturally unlucky, or my expectations are too high
Often this "advice" goes like: just go out to a pub/club/whatever, talk to random girls, be a "player". That's no advice, that's lunacy. I can't imagine this could lead to the desired outcome in more than 0.1% of attempts.
'Meeting' isn't the problem. The problem is, what do you say to someone who knows a lot of people, has plenty of friends, is meeting new girls regularly, but the opportunities for something deeper than just friendship aren't presenting themselves. Unless you want to suggest something like "well, ask out any girl you meet/get to know, you'll hit jackpot sooner or later" which in reality would just ruin your standing within the circle of your friends/acquaintances and make you look like an idiot to everyone.
It's a fact that for some people, the whole relationships thing comes easy and natural. To me it sometimes seems that there is something missing in my "social programming". Either that, or I am just naturally unlucky, or my expectations are too high
aelf
Ashen One
Very interesting stuff there.
Yes, married seven years now or thereabouts. Met in an AOL chatroom "Hypnotic Submission". When we first met in person, the 'click' was so loud I think it might have registered on regional seismometers.
That's why I always say, the key to meeting the right guy/girl, or at least to more sex, is to lower your standards.
I think an internet site might help since at least you know those people are looking for something.
Out of curiosity, what is hypnotic submission and how did that fit into a chatroom?
I think an internet site might help since at least you know those people are looking for something.
Out of curiosity, what is hypnotic submission and how did that fit into a chatroom?
Chatting about the topic, not actually 'performing' the topic, in the chatroom. But the topic was about using hypnosis in a D/s relationship.
And for those with relatively unusual tastes/fetishes/preferences/etc, I wholeheartedly advise participating in forums/chatrooms/etc featuring those topics, in order to find like-minded people from which one might find potential mates. Life is too short to find a wonderful person to share your life with, only to discover that they think something you're very very 'into' is actually disgusting and reprehensible (or vice versa).
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Well most of our standards are pretty low as it is and still we can't score.
Winner
Diverse in Unity
I used my example because I know my situation best. From what I gather, many guys feel the same way. They're not socially stunted or anything, it's just that there aren't opportunities. And it gets worse the older you are. When you're around 18-20, it's easy to run into fine girls which are single. When you're 25, not so much so. So, if you miss the proper "launch window" because you had better things to do than getting stuck in a binding relationship, it becomes difficult later to change that.
In that case, I think dating services are in fact a pretty good option, because as you said, at least there you know where you stand and you can dispense with all that crap about not knowing what the other one expects. Might try that myself one day.
Kozmos
Jew Detective
Probably because you are going about it with the intention of scoring. Every non-ugly girl you talk to, your brain is like we can potentially have sex with it and it puts you in the mindset of a hunter. The trick is in telling your brain to buzz off and just be normal.
I've found that during the times I'm in a relationship, I get very friendly signals from cool women. When I'm not in a relationship, I don't seem to hit it off with them. It's not them, it's me - when I'm not in a relationship, I'm hitting on them rather than socializing with them, even if it is just subconsciously.
Akka
Moody old mage.
That's completely idiotic.
Since when do feeling respond to "standards" ? Do you DECIDE you feel something for someone ?
Most of the advices about relationships I see on such threads feel more about company and sales management than about emotions and feelings. They seems to fail hard at getting that's not really how some people perceive sentimental relationship.
Sounds like you're just being a moody old mage again and taking what I said entirely too seriousy.
Cheezy the Wiz
Socialist In A Hurry
Yep. Celebrated our three year anniversary this past weekend.
I'm feeling all cheesy
Boundless
Deity
Meh, if you don't think you'll get in a relationship, chances are, you won't. And visa versa. If you do, you will.
Integral
Can't you hear it?
Married over 4 years. Wife is pretty cool. Nano, Integral, back me up that my wife is cool!
Your wife is, indeed, pretty cool.
Heck your whole circle of friends in DC that I met were on the cool side. The Viking hats helped.
SKILORD
Insurgent
Hmmmm.... I don't think you understand me. I didn't say that he should thrust himself fully into unfamiliar situations where the protocols are unclear to him, I just pointed out that if he wants to learn the protocols of those situations then self pity is not the way to accomplish that.
And is 25 really past the launch window in Europe? That's rough dude. Sounds like ya'll's ratio is messed up over there.
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It's not like it's easy for me, it is probably just as hard for me, I have panic attacks. There have been many times when I have tried to talk to girls, I get a few words out and then I find myself looking at my feet mumbling about how I suck and nobody will ever go for me or want to even hang out and watch TV with me, and I'm stupid and why am I even trying to make how stupid and worthless I am obvious to everyone. In fact, this didn't just happen "many" times, this happens every time, this happens when I am writing outgoing messages on dating sites.
Life is about confronting your fears, about engaging them on your own terms and finding ways to deal with them. I never said "go pick up chicks in bars, brah," because frankly that has never worked for me.
Be methodical, let the panic come, and stick to the frikken plan, even if it isn't any good and all you can hope for is to figure out why it doesn't work.
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EDIT: The solution, as it is for so many things, is Craigslist.
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