At the Urinal

[BuckeyeJim]

So I think this is a situation that is worth a discussion of male psychology. I'd really like to get some input from others on the board as we somehow came about this discussion at work yesterday and it raised questions and concerns.

You go into a public bathroom and nobody else is there. There are three urinals, and the one nearest to you as you walk in is very small. It is for children or handicapped people. It's so small that the bottom of the urinal is perhaps six to ten inches from the bottom of the floor. The other two urinals (the farthest is up against a wall) are normal sized.

First question - which urinal do you choose?

Me - I choose the farthest one up against the wall. I do not choose the middle urinal because someone else may come in. I do not choose the small urinal because it is either inconvenient, or, as one of my coworkers believes, it is a habitual psychological reaction predicated on my desire to "feel like a man."

So you are standing there urinating, and another man comes in. And here are the other two questions.

2 - What do you think about this man if he urinates in the small urinal instead of the normal sized urinal?

3 - What do you think of him if instead of keeping his distance, he urinates in the urinal right next to you?

Do you question whether the man is gay? Do you question whether he is really a man? Does it bother you in any way shape or form? Does it even cross your mind?

While I do not harbor any meaningful judgments in the long term or when I'm given a chance to think about the situation, in the very moment when the other male makes that decision I have a habitual reaction. What about you?

 

[cardgame]

I do my business and leave.

The end.

 

[Zelig]

I take the middle urinal, and stand as far away as possible, walking closer as my stream weakens.

 

[shadowplay]

I take the middle urinal and try to synchronize it like the fountains in front of the Bellagio.

 

[Communisto]

I take the stall* or as I like to refer to it, "the presidential suite"


*IF ITS CLEAN

 

[Zack]

I declare war and lay siege to your urinal.

 

[_random_]

I take the child-sized stall to sooth my insecurities by making my genitals look bigger by comparison.

 

[bombshoo]

I begin to form a line, standing behind any other person who happens to be using a urinal and I wait for them to finish, even if an empty one is available.

 

[Skwink]

I smash the middle one and use the Manly one. Where I live, there's an unspoken rule: leave one urinal between you and the next urinator.
We have to have this. If you walk into a bathroom with two side-by-side urinals, we form a line and just use one.

 

[JollyRoger]

I pity the fools that brag about the water in the base of the urinal being cold when they obviously have no idea how deep it is.

 

[Zelig]

I begin to form a line, standing behind any other person who happens to be using a urinal and I wait for them to finish, even if an empty one is available.

How close behind him?

 

[Skwink]

A good site with urinal rules: http://www.grumpychimp.com/stuff/urinal-rules.php

 

[Japanrocks12]

I scoff at your attempts to make a big deal out of this. I scoff again if you tell me it's non-serious, because it's an overrated humorous situation.

 

[CaptainF]

Usually when I go to the bathroom, it's when I really need to take a wee.

That means I go for the closest one. If it's the short one, who cares? I might just use the short one all the time from now on just to creep people out.

 

[Disgustipated]

I have no problem urinating in the small urinal. I'm not especially tall anyways.

One guy would make fun of me at work a while back. I just told him my *deleted* was so long, that I need the urinal to be lower so I didn't hit the bottom of it. I think that was a good enough comeback.

I'm not that insecure that I can't use the small urinal. I often would as that was the closest one. But usually I choose the furthest adult urinal.

 

[Angst]

Uhm. Do I have to choose any of the answers/solutions to this? I just go pee. There's nothing embarassing or weird about it, and I see no reason why I should keep my distance. I'll probably take the middle one or whatever, I just pee you know... But not the children's, because that's built for children.

 

[JollyRoger]

Around here, a lot of guys just stand around tapping their toes. Not suprising given it is the most conservative county in Texas.

 

[bombshoo]

How close behind him?

Just close so he can feel my breath on the back of his neck.

 

[Gooblah]

Reminds me of a funny-ish story...

Sophomore year my programming teacher walks into class just as the bell rings, and then slams the door shut. The whole class looks up in a combination of fear and anticipation, and he storms over to the whiteboard and draws three rectangles on the board. We're all confused, and then he tells the sole girl in the class to pop out her iPod and start listening to it while working on something. She looks at him quizzically, then does as told, and then he turns to us and asks, "Is there ever a good reason to use the middle urinal?" The rest of the class period was spent discussing urinal etiquette and proper bathroom behavior, pretty chill period.

[/stupid story]

That aside, I generally take the stall first if it's an option, and then one of the far urinals, since I hate doing my business in the middle. This is a function of the fact that my dad never actually taught me how to use a urinal, it was a friend's dad during a frenzied birthday party at the age of five, an experience I still remember to this day. I was just confused during the whole ordeal, and have never really gotten over the initial trepidation.

 

[Disgustipated]

Uhm. Do I have to choose any of the answers/solutions to this? I just go pee. There's nothing embarassing or weird about it, and I see no reason why I should keep my distance. I'll probably take the middle one or whatever, I just pee you know... But not the children's, because that's built for children.

I never figured out why we have a small urinal at work anyways. You need to be 18 to work where I work anyways (and most positions you need to be 21). But for whatever reason, we have a short urinal. So I can't say it was built for children.

That aside, I generally take the stall first if it's an option, and then one of the far urinals, since I hate doing my business in the middle. This is a function of the fact that my dad never actually taught me how to use a urinal, it was a friend's dad during a frenzied birthday party at the age of five, an experience I still remember to this day. I was just confused during the whole ordeal, and have never really gotten over the initial trepidation.

Your post brings up an interesting question for me. I have no idea who taught me how to use a urinal. My dad pretty much neglected me and never taught me anything, so I don't think it was him. I think I just picked it up on my own. I'm not sure.