Civ3 Limericks

[WillJ]

Originally posted by Mad Bomber
BTW Where is Zouave? surely his ban is over by now?

After he complained about this and that and such,
The mods felt it was too much.
So then he was banned,
And he never came back.
And everyone said "Where is he at?"
Well I don't know the answer to that,
But there is one thing I have learned:
He said to CFC he shall never return.

 

[Four Four Seven]

My settler went on a trip
To a faraway land on a ship
Well, it settled a city
But it's really a pity
After only one turn - culture flip!


CD thrown in a warm flame
Civ addiction this will sure tame
But alas I have failed
What's this I've been mailed?
A brand spanking new Civ boardgame!

 

[ozjester]

With wonders great and small there are thrills
The city with culture doth fill
But a stack of Yank tanks
Has attacked on my flank
Why didn’t I build on a hill?

 

[Chieftess]

There was a user named Zouave,
Who toasted his game on a stove.
After rushing a temple with his whip,
Then experienced a culture flip!

 

[ukrneal]

There once was a site civfanatics
Where all of the posters were addicts
All day and all night
We'd conquer and fight
Until symptoms were pscho-somatic!

 

[Pillager]

I started in 4000 BC,
Some land was all I could see,
I set off my scout, to look all about,
And to my delight I discovered the sea!

I plonked down my city right there,
And built as quick as I dare',
Still on my tod, scout continued to plod,
Until I saw a sight oh so rare!

to be ctd...

 

[RobOz]

This is truly funny stuff guys.

I love the Jolly Roger "In Her Pants". Good stuff.

With Joan of Arc I was married.
It was I through the threshhold that was carried.
But she shaved her head, and now wants me dead.
Chicks that hear God are scary.

 

[Raijer]

The Zulus called Cathy a whore
This made the Czaress quite sore
It simply enticed her
To call the foreign advisor
And click "That's it! Prepare for war!"

 

[Raijer]

English Liz was in need of some techs
So she called up Persia, what the heck?
She flirted with Xerxes
With kisses and curtsies
And the sucker gave her Mathematics

 

[JollyRoger]

Colossus is the name I would earn
For my stake on which Joan's lust would burn
But when she looked down she asked with a frown
"Is that miniaturization I discern?"

 

[Raijer]

Pure Joan was behind city walls
But Mao had the navy on call
So her pulled up her slip
And moved in his ship
Then quickly he unloaded all

 

[USMC]

How did these turn naughty all of a sudden?

Some of you people really need to seek professional help regarding this attraction to Joan. Get help RIGHT NOW if you are attracted to Catherine! HA!

 

[Bobela XII]

Zimbabwe was one square away
The Zulu they would pay
I rolled into town
To take away Shaka's crown
For he had attacked Cumae

I took the town on that turn
His city I did burn
But shaka got away
And to my dismay
A terrible thing I would learn

Shaka and Joan had been talking
The French knights started walking
An alliance had been signed
So I had to cover my behind
And a caravel started undocking

My lone last settler was onboard
To build a city to escape the sword
Right before he plopped down
My face turned to a frown
He was killed by a barbarian hoarde

The French and Zulu I couldn't bear
Those knights Were in my hair
I had only one pikeman alive
But the knights were like a bee hive
As I lost him I was full of despair

Shaka said goodbye my friend
For I had no one left to defend
I was quite embarassed no doubt
And tears I would pout
I had lost to the AI - The End

 

[JollyRoger]

Originally posted by USMC
How did these turn naughty all of a sudden?

Some of you people really need to seek professional help regarding this attraction to Joan. Get help RIGHT NOW if you are attracted to Catherine! HA!

I listened to USMC
And sought to get therapy
The shrink used aversion to cure my perversion
And now I lust for Ghandi

 

[Bobela XII]

My galley sailed off to a sea square
It sure gave me a big scare
With no movement points left
And a Great Leader named Jeff
Not well was how it did fare

 

[Bobela XII]

A German settler built a city
Then I said what a pity
I sent over an archer
And forced the Germans departure
Bismarck became madder than a kitty

 

[Bobela XII]

Elizabeth called me today
Railroads she wanted me to pay
She got real mad
And declared war which made me glad
For I had said no way

 

[Bobela XII]

Cathy's face had a smirk
Near my territory her cossacks would lurk
Knowing that they would attack
I showed those cossacks a fact
They were no match for an Ottoman Turk

 

[Bamspeedy]

I once met a man named Monty
who was a bandit
so in a fury
I tried the warrior gambit

My warriors won
but Monty did respawn
did he have a son?
I shall again make him gone

Oh what a pity
of course
I razed his city
with my horse

Then I met a gal named Joan
I asked if I could make her moan
She let out a groan
and threw at me a very big stone

I left her with one town
but I didn't leave her for dead
I let her keep her crown
but later I will shave her head

Then I met a man named Mao
and a woman named Liz
and Cathy who was a cow
those 3 stooges makes for good show-biz!

I asked Elizabeth
who had bad breath
If she would attack Catherine
and leave her castle smolderin'

Then I sneak-attacked Mao
and he let out a big "OW!"
As many of his cities I razed
while Liz watched and gazed.

Oh, but Liz did you not know?
You are the next to go!
The last war was such a bore
because of her Man o' War.

Now it is just Joan and I
Nothing can faze her
She still catches my eye
but where did I put that razor?

 

[JollyRoger]

I took the obvious path
To earn Elizabeth's wrath
I pillaged her silk and soured her milk
And now she can't take a bath