How long should you date before you get married?

[Defiant47]

CDC? Centre for Disease Control?

 

[Hygro]

I'd say 2 years at least.

You really need to experience the different sides of people, especially at this young age in which people pretty well keep changing until 25ish. It's amazing how someone can really change when circumstances change, sometimes circumstances of time. Because I think marriage is a lot friendship than just romance, my experience with a close friend is more telling than how things have been with my two serious (ex) girlfriends. A friend and I had met in college, first week, hit it off really well. We thought alike, we talked alike, we had shared ambitions in complimentary but different fields (so no direct competition), we held common interests, we looked cool together, we had fun, we even lived well together (roommates for a summer). But he just sort of randomly went cold on me, and I can point to why--which has little to do with the value of our specific friendship and a lot more to do with the order of his priorities. These priority and value differences did not come to light under the many different circumstances he and I experienced--enough that I was convinced we were clearly going to be best friends for life. But some things don't turn out as expected. As such, I'd be very careful to commit to anything as serious as marriage when it's both a close friendship, a cohabitation, a financial-parental partnership, and a romance all in one. Definitely give it at least a couple years.

 

[DNK]

I intend on waiting 2 months before proposing.

But I voted 2 yrs min before proposing.

 

[Narz]

A set amount of time is stupid. Get married when you feel ready to make a lifetime commitment to someone. If you don't feel you will ever be able to make such a commitment never get married.

Simple really. For over 50% of those who get married (in the US anyway) marriage is a joke & a sham.

I am a man of my word & I know myself well enough to know I am not currently capable of making a lifetime commitment of marriage right now. If this changes I will probably get married. In the meantime, I usually call my girlfriend my wife so annoying mofos don't ask "why aren't you married?".

People treat marriage like some causal thing you do @ a certain time when you feel like it. That's not what it should be.

 

[Narz]

“Men and woman cohabitate for different reasons,” Mike McManus said in a conference call discussing the book. “Women see it as a step toward marriage. They think they can audition for this job. Men do it because they like to have the ready availability of sex and having someone share their living expenses. Women should heed their mother’s advice -- if you give away the milk, he won’t buy the cow.”

That's ********. Who would buy a cow who's milk they'd never tasted.

 

[Masada]

That's ********. Who would buy a cow who's milk they'd never tasted.

We will make a farmer of you yet!

*

The fiance and I had been going out for six months or so.... before I asked the question we've now been together for a year and a half with no plans as yet when to get married (whenever she finished Uni I guess).

 

[Onionsoilder]

I voted for more then two years, though not so much dating as just knowing the person. What I really think should be a requirement for marriage is living together(unmarried) for at least a few months, just to see how it works out. If the couple(or just one of them) is worried about going into a perma-cohabitation, then set a timeline(At 6 months we either find our own places or get married) or something akin to that.

Not living with someone before getting married is just asking for disaster, despite what MobbBoss' studies say.

 

[GoodGame]

Cohabitation is a must.

I have to agree with this, but it's really no guarantee. There's really no guarantees at all, just pre-nupts. If you aren't 100.000% sold on a person, even years might be reasonable. Though I think pushing past two years borders on rude if the other person really expects you to marry them.

 

[illram]

I would think cohabitating would be a good idea, and more important than length of time, since this is what you will be doing afterwards. I am probably an exception because my wife and I were together for about 7 years before we got married, and lived together for 2 and a half prior to tying the knot. Needless to say there were not many bad surprises after the big day.

 

[warpus]

There are plenty of links that reference several studies done in this area. Here is a link that lists several: http://www.geocities.com/maggi19/sex/cohabitation.htm

In turn, I just need to ask....do you have any studies that show co-habitation before marriage is an actual benefit?

EDIT: Apparently, Formaldehyde is some anecdotal proof of the cohabitation point. And to be fair, I am anecdotal proof of the opposite: my wife and I lived togehter off and on a couple of times prior to getting married (a result of her dad trying to break us up a couple of times). Living together did cause some unintended problems down the road, but we got through that and other issues we had. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary next month. We probably have done about every single wrong thing there is to do in a marriage, but somehow its worked out ok. Have to give God the credit for that, not us.

Geez, give yourselves some credit. Sounds like you deserve it.

 

[homeyg]

Well, being that I am 18, I would assume that you should date for at least 6 months, find out how it is living with the other person, and then after that it's really up to how both parties feel.

 

[Shylock]

Planck second.

 

[CaptainF]

Narz is right on this one.

It's however long you want. Some people know each other for a few weeks before getting married and living quite happily together. Others will date/cohabit for 10+ years.

Oh well, I think marriage is dying more and more every day. Not that it's a bad thing. People will continue to love each other...just outside the bureaucratic confines of marriage.

 

[Grisu]

I'd say longer rather then shorter, so I voted for two years but it really does depend on the couple. I, for one, have dated my wife for 11 years before tieing the knot

And I too would strongly recommend cohabitation before marriage. Some parts of your partner you really only get to know once you live together.

 

[Gigaz]

Marriage is a promise to stay together even when love is gone and only friendship remains. You should marry when you find the right woman for such a promise or when you feel too old to go hunting again

 

[Nylan]

Hard 3 month minimum, but 6 is a more reasonable bottom line for the vast majority of couples. In reality, whatever you feel is best is cool though; people who engage really fast make me nervous though.

 

[Shadylookin]

Until you can convince her to sign a prenup.

 

[El_Machinae]

I think it's important to wait until after the puppylove is over. This can take well over a year for some people. Marriage is pretty important, and you shouldn't fall into it just because the sex is good or just because you've found someone to stop the loneliness. Those things are obviously great, but you'll want to marry the person who you really want to be with. So, waiting until after puppylove is over is pretty important.

 

[RedRalph]

I got married two years to the day after I got with Mrs Wiggum. And if its good enough for me, then it's too good for all of ye.

 

[bathsheba666]

We've been dating now for 23 years, and I'm still not ready for marriage.