How long should you date before you get married?

You should abosofreaking lootley date somebody for at least X before getting engaged.


  • Total voters
    132
So lying to people to achieve your goals is ok?
Who said anything about lying? The outgoing trophy generally gets compensated adequately for her role in the sacred relationship and likely gets to where her marginal propensity to spend intimate time with a geezer reaches a point of diminishing returns.
 
Its a general and easily identifiable/measureable metric for our purposes. As always, there are exceptions to every rule.
for your purposes. I wouldn't call failed marriages that don't end in divorce 'exceptions'; there's too many of them around for that...though with the acceptance of divorces those are getting less, which is a good thing IMHO and one reason why a rising divorce rate doesn't in every case has to be something bad.
 
I say a year, starting from the time you think the lucky girl may be the one, to know for sure that the decision you are about to make is the right one, and to know her better.
 
20 years, 20 months, and 20 days!
 
Hard minimum of one year. About half of that can be substituted with "close friendship before we dated". No less than one year unless somebody is about to die. I'd be uncomfortable with less than two years.

If it's so right, you don't need to rush.

Also, long engagements are annoying. If it takes longer than a year then you shouldn't've announced it so damn early. (That is, take your time deciding, but once you've decided, quit goofing around.)

I think it's important to wait until after the puppylove is over.

:agree:

I endorse cohabitation. It might be a little tougher for a couple that's not screwing, but living with someone is the type of intimacy you should be comfortable with before you commit to doing it for the rest of your life.


Also remember that women think they can 'fix' men. "If I just marry him, I can make him stop doing [that annoying thing]." Make her put up with it for a couple of years, because she's not going to fix it and needs to learn to live with it forever. (There are things about you that she wants to fix. No exceptions.)
 
The abolute minimum should be a year. Better to see if the person is going to commit to you than cheat on you and then dump you for another person!

Chohibition, that's up to the couples themselves if they want to move in after dating six months or after marriage.

@Lucy - I know a couple of friends in college that had a long engagement. However, after graduation, they broke up with the person and dated someone else.
 
You should live with the person first, for about 6 months.
 
Some people get married after a few weeks after meeting and can be perfectly happy. The best time to marry is when you're ready and when you're sure you've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

In any case, organising a marriage tends to take at least a year, which automatically means another year of dating before the big day.
 
Dating before marriage is entirely unnecessary. In my culture, you get married before you even meet, and SHE pays YOU for the privilage!
 
A set amount of time is stupid. Get married when you feel ready to make a lifetime commitment to someone. If you don't feel you will ever be able to make such a commitment never get married.

Simple really. For over 50% of those who get married (in the US anyway) marriage is a joke & a sham.

I am a man of my word & I know myself well enough to know I am not currently capable of making a lifetime commitment of marriage right now. If this changes I will probably get married. In the meantime, I usually call my girlfriend my wife so annoying mofos don't ask "why aren't you married?".

People treat marriage like some causal thing you do @ a certain time when you feel like it. That's not what it should be.
I believe we have a winner. It so happens that I "knew" my first wife for a longer period before marrying than the current one. The point is not how long but how well you know somebody.
As for cohabitation before marrying, that is preferable but not necessary. Depend on the situation. I think however, that it would be beneficial to have sex before marriage. And please don't bring up any wisecrack on cows if you want to comment on that. I am not in the habit of marrying cows.

I got married two years to the day after I got with Mrs Wiggum. And if its good enough for me, then it's too good for all of ye.
No it isn't.

Dating before marriage is entirely unnecessary. In my culture, you get married before you even meet, and SHE pays YOU for the privilage!
Hmm. That might work too.
 
Interesting update to this thread. Apparently, there has been a new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology that supports my earlier premise in this thread:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532600,00.html?test=latestnews

Couples who shack up before tying the knot are more likely to get divorced than their counterparts who don't move in together until marriage, a new study suggests.

Upwards of 70 percent of U.S. couples are cohabiting these days before marrying, the researchers estimate.

The study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, indicates that such move-ins might not be wise.

And it's not because you start to get on one another's nerves. Rather, the researchers figure the shared abode could lead to marriage for all the wrong reasons.

"We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting," said lead researcher Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver.

Couples might also be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of Fido — along with other practicalities.

Relationship dynamics

Rhoades and her colleagues did telephone surveys with more than 1,000 married men and women between the ages of 18 and 34, who had been married 10 years or fewer.

Survey questions included measures of relationship satisfaction, dedication to one another, level of negative communication and sexual satisfaction.

To measure the potential of a couple to divorce, participants were asked "Have you or your spouse ever seriously suggested the idea of divorce?"

Overall, about 40 percent of participants reported they didn't live together before marriage, 43 percent did so before engagement, and about 16 percent cohabited only after getting engaged.

Those who moved in with a mate before engagement or marriage reported significantly lower quality marriages and a greater potential for split-ups than other couples.

For instance, about 19 percent of those who cohabited before getting engaged had ever suggested divorce compared with just 12 percent of those who only moved in together after getting engaged and 10 percent of participants who did not cohabit prior to the wedding bells.

"We think there might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship," Rhoades told LiveScience, "because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together."

So a joint lease or shared ownership of pets could nudge the nuptials for these folks, more than a life-long commitment to one another.

Why move in?

While this research suggests cohabitation in itself can result in lousier marriages, the initial reasons for moving in together could impact the relationship quality.

In another study led by Rhoades published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Issues, cohabiting couples ranked a list of reasons for cohabitation.

More than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in, followed by nearly 19 percent who put "it made most sense financially" at the top of their list, and 14 percent ranking "I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage" highest.

Those who listed "testing" as the primary move-in reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires."

Such testers also had lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.

Overall, those who want to test the commitment might want to think again, according to the February study.

"Cohabiting to test a relationship turns out to be associated with the most problems in relationships," Rhoades said. "Perhaps if a person is feeling a need to test the relationship, he or she already knows some important information about how a relationship may go over time."

Let the nay-saying commence.
 
As long as it takes. But I'm of the opinion that living together beyond 2 years is pretty lazy.
 
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