DJ Bonebraker
a.k.a Laura
Chapter 3: More Giant Rats, Rude Neighbors and Drunken Dwarves.
"There is nothin' as sure in the world as the glitter of gold and the treachery of Elves." - Old Dwarf Saying
The first major achievement o' the Dwarves under the new calendar was the foondin' o' Tetsuyama beside the Airn. (Player's Note: Testuyama, meaning Iron Mounain in Japanese, is the largest of several Dwarven cities in the Seiryu Kingdom, which is in a fantasy story I've been writing called Reitekina Senso). The goovernor immeditately starts trainin' soome stardy lads inta Dwarf Warriors ta deal wi' the giant rats that keep shoowin' oop nearby. (50 IC) Skaven Clanrat attacks the city noot lang after the new warriors are trained, an' he get's killed fer his efforts. (175IC)
The skaven gets up, and looks around in puzzlement... The last thing it can remember is getting hit in the back by some dwarf warrior's axe, but for some funny reason he doesn't feel any pain.... As these thoughts go through his head, he looks down and spots his body lying on the ground in several places. Then he notices a small figure wearing a black cowl and robe that's carrying a tiny scythe. "Are you who I think you are?" the clanrat asks the figure, who nods.
"SQUEAK!" the figure replies, which pretty much sums up the situation, and the spirit of the clanrat follows the Death of Rats to the big sewer in the sky
The next prooject that Tetsuyama starts is a shrine, since the Low King wants ta boold a soommer hame in the city called the Palace Fortress eventually. (Player's Note: The Palace Fortress = the Forbidden Palce in the Epic game). Soometime Later (250 IC) oor clansmen exploorin' the Sooth defeat anoother Rat-Ogre... It's joost too bad that these giant rat's flesh is poisonous, ootherwise, we'd be feastin' every night! (Player's Note: The Dwarves in Discworld consider rat to be a delicacy, which is a taste that most cities with mixed Human/dwarf populations (Ankh-Morpork in particular) are more than happy to cater to).
While the Skaven war was ragin' ta the Noortheast and the Sooth, our chief sage, Giott (Player's Note: Giott was the King of the Dwarves in Final Fantasy IV, and a very astute scientist... While most of the FF IV world was medieval, he had freakin' Main Battle Tanks in his underground kingdom) came oop ta the Low King and reported that oor sages had finally goot a workable irrigation plan figgered oot. Goetrek nodded, sayin' "Good joob, Giott, now try and see if you kin figger oot hae ta boold soome boots fer oos."
Giott bows and replies, "Aye, yer grace, once we get a boot boolt, we kin exploore the woorld that mooch faster," after which he left with the Low King's orders. (Historian's Note: Dwarves research Irrigation and start work on Sailing). The Low King then orders oor miners ta start irrigatin' grasslands and plains soo we kin get soome moore food inta oor cities. Also, the Low King calls oor chief diplomat, Carrot Ironfoundersson (who actually is hooman, but he was oorphaned an' a group o' local dwarves raised him oop, and since he knoows the Laws o' Tak an' all the prooper ceremonies, soo he's coonsidered ta be a prooper dwarf by the Laws), and tells him ta goo ta the Doolgans and shoow them hae ta make stoof oota clay an' hae ta boold shrines in their cities ta woorship their choosen gods. In exchange, they shoow Carrot hae ta roon a city properly an' hae ta train better diplomats. (Historian's Note: In 325 IC, Dwarves trade Mysticism and Pottery to the Dolgans for Emmissaries and Civil Service). (Player's Note: that account given is pretty much the background story of Carrot Ironfoundersson, Captain of the Ankh-Morpork City watch and one of the more interesting charachters in the Discworld series. Carrot is well know in the series for being able to get along with just about everyone and anyone) Nae we kin boold Town Halls ta keep corrooption in check as well as establish embassies in oother coontries.
A picture of the Dolgan leader after the details of the trade were worked out
A while later, soome travellin' merchants coome ta the Low King an' report that some boonch o' lizardmen callin' themselves Slann boolt the Standin' Stanes in Itza, their capitol city. (Historan's Note: Slann build the Standing Stones in 425 IC) (Player's Note: The Standing Stones are a great wonder that doubles the effect of shrines and becomes obsolete with religion). Soon after that (425 IC) the city o' Borogravia is foonded aloong the coost ta the Noorth o' Moria, an' they start booldin' a shrine. After that, anoother groop o' travellers tells oos that soome evil hoomans callin' themselves Chaoos boolt the Errantry war in their capitol city of Khorinaun. (Historian's Note: Chaos builds the Errantry War in 475 IC) (Player's Note: Errantry War doubles combat values vs barbs and acts as a free barracks in the city). We get woord that the vampires take the materials they were gatherin' fer the Errantry War and use them ta start booldin' a Great Bazaar (Great Bazaar puts a free marketplace in every city on the continent), an' oor good buddy Bugman decides ta oofer ta oopen a franchise in Doolga if they kin boold it before we do!! Ah think we need ta remind Mr. Bugman that he IS a dwarf and where his loyalties lie (oh, that's right... oor loyalties are with the gold). We establish embassies in Drakenhoff and Dolga. The embasy in Dolga reveals the following:
Froom the reports we read, there was noo way that they'd be doone before we were, soo we gave it nae further thought.
Some years later, a delegation o' smaelly Doolgans coome ta Ankh-Morpork requestin' an audience with the Low King. When asked what he wishes ta discuss, the Doolgan ambassador says, "My good friend Goetrek Starbreaker, we would like to know the secrets of irrigation, in exchange for continued friendship between our nations... If ya catch my drift."
The Low King's scowled, an' says, "Let me discooss this with mah advisers, an' we'll get back ta ya in a mooment." The Doolgan Ambassador, smilin', boowed and stepped back as the Low king beckons Takara Kanayama, his military advisor, an' whispers, "Takara, I always troost yer judgement oon affairs o' oor army.. Do ya think we kin beat the smaell ootta their arses?"
Ta this, Takara replies, "I'm sorry, your grace, but our forces keep getting worn down by Skaven attacks.... We barely have enough dwarfs to defend all our cities, not to mention we're trying to found as many new cities as we can right now. We'd better give them what they want." (Player's Note: General Takara Kanayama is one of the main dwarven charachters in my story, Retekina Senso).
The Low King glumly noods, an' says ta the Doolgan Ambassador, "Very well, we will graciously teach ya hae ta dig irrigation ditches... Goodness knaes ye kin all use it.. yer smaell is enoof ta make a trooll gag. Nae get oota mah Mine!" Smirking, the Doolgan ambassador boows an' leaves. (Historian's note: Dolgans demand Irrigation from the Dwarves in 520 IC, which the dwarves give so that they can concentrate on rampant Skaven problems at their borders).
Fortunately we get soome good news noot lang after. We foond the City o' Copperhead oon the oother side o' the Lonely Mountain, and we finally get shipments o' gems from the mines arrivin' in Ankh-Morpork. Now a boonch o' yoong dwarves are goin' around, swaggerin' oop an' doown the main streets, wearin' as many gem-studded axes, swords, an' daggers as they kin buy. They call this accessorizing "Clang"but as Ah always say, there's noo accoontin' fer kids these days. (Historians Note: Dwarves found Copperhead in 570 IC and giet thier first luxury resource connected in the same year).
Not Lang after, Giott reports that we discovered hae to boold boots, an' that oor sages are already startin' ta stoody hae ta boold better boots. (Historian's Note: ca 600 IC, Dwarves finish research on Sailing and start research on Seafaring). The Low King ooffers his coongratulations. Oonfortunately, the Sylvanians moost o' goot wind o' oor discoveries, because it wasn't lang before, a group o' Sylvanians coome ta the Low King demandin' we teach them hae ta bold boots. Since we're still neck deep in giant rats and tryin' ta expand oor kingdoom, the Low King tells them ta take the plans fer a boot an' ta noot let the door hit them in the arse an the way oot. (Historian's Note: 620 IC, Sylvania demands sailing from Dwarves, who give in because they have bigger fish to fry).
Fortunately, oor expansion plans were bearin' soome fruit (which helped improve the Low King's mood), and in 700 IC we boold the city o' Mt. Duregar beside the Hobbit village, and at the base o' a mountain bearin' the same name. (Player's Note: Mt. Duregar was the home of the dwarves in Final Fantasy I) Noot lang after, Conde Petie christens oor first galley, the Party Barge, which is sent exploorin' doown the coost. (710 IC) A few years later, We boold Uberwald along a river, between two vampire cities to the Sooth. A shrine is immediately started in the city. Oor clansmen exploorin' the Sooth are ordered ta get their arses Uberwald as fast as they kin (720 IC). A bit after that, we boold Zhufbar ta the far Noorth along the river beside the haerses, meanin' we nae have TWO herds o' harses oonder oor controol. (740 IC). Finally ta top ooff the good news, we boold Bugman's Brewery franchise in Ankh-Morpork. (Player's Note: Bugman's brewery puts a brewery, a city improvement that makes 1 person happy but produces 0 culture, in every city on the continent).
Illustration of the warehouse at the headquarters of Bugman's Brewery franchise in Ankh-Morpork
Immediately, kegs o' the fainest Bugman's ale coome rollin' oot o' Ankh-Morpork, and soon every city o' oors has its oown brewery, makin' fer a lotta happy, and slightly droonk dwarves. Ankh-Morpork's governor, Lord Havelock Vetinari, immediately gets the citizens ta start booldin' a harbor.
And among cheerin' throngs and much celebration, we look at oor accoomplishments and despite the fact that we are behind the oother contries in technology, noot ta mention surroonded by hordes o' giant rats, we are still hoopeful that we will be able ta make a name fer oorselves in the future....
Maps of the Dwarf Kingdom, Sylvania and Dolga c.a. 780 IC
"There is nothin' as sure in the world as the glitter of gold and the treachery of Elves." - Old Dwarf Saying
The first major achievement o' the Dwarves under the new calendar was the foondin' o' Tetsuyama beside the Airn. (Player's Note: Testuyama, meaning Iron Mounain in Japanese, is the largest of several Dwarven cities in the Seiryu Kingdom, which is in a fantasy story I've been writing called Reitekina Senso). The goovernor immeditately starts trainin' soome stardy lads inta Dwarf Warriors ta deal wi' the giant rats that keep shoowin' oop nearby. (50 IC) Skaven Clanrat attacks the city noot lang after the new warriors are trained, an' he get's killed fer his efforts. (175IC)
The skaven gets up, and looks around in puzzlement... The last thing it can remember is getting hit in the back by some dwarf warrior's axe, but for some funny reason he doesn't feel any pain.... As these thoughts go through his head, he looks down and spots his body lying on the ground in several places. Then he notices a small figure wearing a black cowl and robe that's carrying a tiny scythe. "Are you who I think you are?" the clanrat asks the figure, who nods.
"SQUEAK!" the figure replies, which pretty much sums up the situation, and the spirit of the clanrat follows the Death of Rats to the big sewer in the sky
The next prooject that Tetsuyama starts is a shrine, since the Low King wants ta boold a soommer hame in the city called the Palace Fortress eventually. (Player's Note: The Palace Fortress = the Forbidden Palce in the Epic game). Soometime Later (250 IC) oor clansmen exploorin' the Sooth defeat anoother Rat-Ogre... It's joost too bad that these giant rat's flesh is poisonous, ootherwise, we'd be feastin' every night! (Player's Note: The Dwarves in Discworld consider rat to be a delicacy, which is a taste that most cities with mixed Human/dwarf populations (Ankh-Morpork in particular) are more than happy to cater to).
While the Skaven war was ragin' ta the Noortheast and the Sooth, our chief sage, Giott (Player's Note: Giott was the King of the Dwarves in Final Fantasy IV, and a very astute scientist... While most of the FF IV world was medieval, he had freakin' Main Battle Tanks in his underground kingdom) came oop ta the Low King and reported that oor sages had finally goot a workable irrigation plan figgered oot. Goetrek nodded, sayin' "Good joob, Giott, now try and see if you kin figger oot hae ta boold soome boots fer oos."
Giott bows and replies, "Aye, yer grace, once we get a boot boolt, we kin exploore the woorld that mooch faster," after which he left with the Low King's orders. (Historian's Note: Dwarves research Irrigation and start work on Sailing). The Low King then orders oor miners ta start irrigatin' grasslands and plains soo we kin get soome moore food inta oor cities. Also, the Low King calls oor chief diplomat, Carrot Ironfoundersson (who actually is hooman, but he was oorphaned an' a group o' local dwarves raised him oop, and since he knoows the Laws o' Tak an' all the prooper ceremonies, soo he's coonsidered ta be a prooper dwarf by the Laws), and tells him ta goo ta the Doolgans and shoow them hae ta make stoof oota clay an' hae ta boold shrines in their cities ta woorship their choosen gods. In exchange, they shoow Carrot hae ta roon a city properly an' hae ta train better diplomats. (Historian's Note: In 325 IC, Dwarves trade Mysticism and Pottery to the Dolgans for Emmissaries and Civil Service). (Player's Note: that account given is pretty much the background story of Carrot Ironfoundersson, Captain of the Ankh-Morpork City watch and one of the more interesting charachters in the Discworld series. Carrot is well know in the series for being able to get along with just about everyone and anyone) Nae we kin boold Town Halls ta keep corrooption in check as well as establish embassies in oother coontries.
A picture of the Dolgan leader after the details of the trade were worked out
A while later, soome travellin' merchants coome ta the Low King an' report that some boonch o' lizardmen callin' themselves Slann boolt the Standin' Stanes in Itza, their capitol city. (Historan's Note: Slann build the Standing Stones in 425 IC) (Player's Note: The Standing Stones are a great wonder that doubles the effect of shrines and becomes obsolete with religion). Soon after that (425 IC) the city o' Borogravia is foonded aloong the coost ta the Noorth o' Moria, an' they start booldin' a shrine. After that, anoother groop o' travellers tells oos that soome evil hoomans callin' themselves Chaoos boolt the Errantry war in their capitol city of Khorinaun. (Historian's Note: Chaos builds the Errantry War in 475 IC) (Player's Note: Errantry War doubles combat values vs barbs and acts as a free barracks in the city). We get woord that the vampires take the materials they were gatherin' fer the Errantry War and use them ta start booldin' a Great Bazaar (Great Bazaar puts a free marketplace in every city on the continent), an' oor good buddy Bugman decides ta oofer ta oopen a franchise in Doolga if they kin boold it before we do!! Ah think we need ta remind Mr. Bugman that he IS a dwarf and where his loyalties lie (oh, that's right... oor loyalties are with the gold). We establish embassies in Drakenhoff and Dolga. The embasy in Dolga reveals the following:
Spoiler :
Froom the reports we read, there was noo way that they'd be doone before we were, soo we gave it nae further thought.
Some years later, a delegation o' smaelly Doolgans coome ta Ankh-Morpork requestin' an audience with the Low King. When asked what he wishes ta discuss, the Doolgan ambassador says, "My good friend Goetrek Starbreaker, we would like to know the secrets of irrigation, in exchange for continued friendship between our nations... If ya catch my drift."
The Low King's scowled, an' says, "Let me discooss this with mah advisers, an' we'll get back ta ya in a mooment." The Doolgan Ambassador, smilin', boowed and stepped back as the Low king beckons Takara Kanayama, his military advisor, an' whispers, "Takara, I always troost yer judgement oon affairs o' oor army.. Do ya think we kin beat the smaell ootta their arses?"
Ta this, Takara replies, "I'm sorry, your grace, but our forces keep getting worn down by Skaven attacks.... We barely have enough dwarfs to defend all our cities, not to mention we're trying to found as many new cities as we can right now. We'd better give them what they want." (Player's Note: General Takara Kanayama is one of the main dwarven charachters in my story, Retekina Senso).
The Low King glumly noods, an' says ta the Doolgan Ambassador, "Very well, we will graciously teach ya hae ta dig irrigation ditches... Goodness knaes ye kin all use it.. yer smaell is enoof ta make a trooll gag. Nae get oota mah Mine!" Smirking, the Doolgan ambassador boows an' leaves. (Historian's note: Dolgans demand Irrigation from the Dwarves in 520 IC, which the dwarves give so that they can concentrate on rampant Skaven problems at their borders).
Fortunately we get soome good news noot lang after. We foond the City o' Copperhead oon the oother side o' the Lonely Mountain, and we finally get shipments o' gems from the mines arrivin' in Ankh-Morpork. Now a boonch o' yoong dwarves are goin' around, swaggerin' oop an' doown the main streets, wearin' as many gem-studded axes, swords, an' daggers as they kin buy. They call this accessorizing "Clang"but as Ah always say, there's noo accoontin' fer kids these days. (Historians Note: Dwarves found Copperhead in 570 IC and giet thier first luxury resource connected in the same year).
Not Lang after, Giott reports that we discovered hae to boold boots, an' that oor sages are already startin' ta stoody hae ta boold better boots. (Historian's Note: ca 600 IC, Dwarves finish research on Sailing and start research on Seafaring). The Low King ooffers his coongratulations. Oonfortunately, the Sylvanians moost o' goot wind o' oor discoveries, because it wasn't lang before, a group o' Sylvanians coome ta the Low King demandin' we teach them hae ta bold boots. Since we're still neck deep in giant rats and tryin' ta expand oor kingdoom, the Low King tells them ta take the plans fer a boot an' ta noot let the door hit them in the arse an the way oot. (Historian's Note: 620 IC, Sylvania demands sailing from Dwarves, who give in because they have bigger fish to fry).
Fortunately, oor expansion plans were bearin' soome fruit (which helped improve the Low King's mood), and in 700 IC we boold the city o' Mt. Duregar beside the Hobbit village, and at the base o' a mountain bearin' the same name. (Player's Note: Mt. Duregar was the home of the dwarves in Final Fantasy I) Noot lang after, Conde Petie christens oor first galley, the Party Barge, which is sent exploorin' doown the coost. (710 IC) A few years later, We boold Uberwald along a river, between two vampire cities to the Sooth. A shrine is immediately started in the city. Oor clansmen exploorin' the Sooth are ordered ta get their arses Uberwald as fast as they kin (720 IC). A bit after that, we boold Zhufbar ta the far Noorth along the river beside the haerses, meanin' we nae have TWO herds o' harses oonder oor controol. (740 IC). Finally ta top ooff the good news, we boold Bugman's Brewery franchise in Ankh-Morpork. (Player's Note: Bugman's brewery puts a brewery, a city improvement that makes 1 person happy but produces 0 culture, in every city on the continent).
Illustration of the warehouse at the headquarters of Bugman's Brewery franchise in Ankh-Morpork
Immediately, kegs o' the fainest Bugman's ale coome rollin' oot o' Ankh-Morpork, and soon every city o' oors has its oown brewery, makin' fer a lotta happy, and slightly droonk dwarves. Ankh-Morpork's governor, Lord Havelock Vetinari, immediately gets the citizens ta start booldin' a harbor.
And among cheerin' throngs and much celebration, we look at oor accoomplishments and despite the fact that we are behind the oother contries in technology, noot ta mention surroonded by hordes o' giant rats, we are still hoopeful that we will be able ta make a name fer oorselves in the future....
Maps of the Dwarf Kingdom, Sylvania and Dolga c.a. 780 IC
ing
, nevertheless, great update, and is Bugman's Brewery good? Im guessing it makes people happy by providing alchohol.
), meaning that as soon as I build a city, it already has a brewery in it, and with the settler escort doing MP duty, and my 1 luxury resource hooked up, the city can grow to 5 pop before I have to worry about building other happiness enhancing improvements. That's the main reason I went straight for Bugmans... On difficulties higher than warlord, half of your playing strategy revolves around keeping your miserable ingrate citizens from rioting every time your city grows in size.
I finally got the 2.19WH and have only stopped playing the last 2 days to look here for your tale. No more confusion for me. 
