Random Rants ΟΔ: broken record

[Synobun]

Sounds like a compelling case for the surgeon's clinic to foot the bill due to malpractice.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Sounds like a compelling case for the surgeon's clinic to foot the bill due to malpractice.

At the end of the day I'm not going to go through that level of hassle but yes, absolutely I agree there's a case to be made.

It also really freaking sucks that in every conversation I have with these doctors I have to keep my finger on the pulse of their profit motive. The surgeon and the endocrinologist both told me that if the tumors were benign (which we were sure they were until yesterday) that there was no pressing reason to remove my thyroid. Yet they kept pushing for it anyways and constantly bring it up only to back down when I lay out the risks they are asking me to take for basically no benefit. Yes, now that the tumor is causing me problems that changes the calculus but I haven't told them yet how much pain it's causing me lately so that was never a reason to remove it in my previous conversations with them.

They get paid massive amounts of money every time they break my skin, much less go through a major surgery. So of course they are going to want to cut me even when they don't have a great reason to do so. I also want to point out that the biopsies consisted of the surgeon using an ultrasound to pinpoint the tumors so she could stab them with some needles and the whole thing took 15 minutes. Not sure how you wind charging $1000 for that but whatevs.

Yes I know the biopsies had to be analyzed and I am paying for everyone's education and skill level for the procedure but the cost is still grossly disproportional to the level of effort AND they screwed up!

Our healthcare system is a ****ing joke.

Edit: Yes I realize I've complained about the profit motive before. It just sucks enough to justify a re-rant.

 

[Takhisis]

thought it was mostly lack of smell, visual hallucinations can happen with dopaminergic meds though. (tired so maybe remembering wrong)

Yes, it is usually a loss of the sense of smell. But you never know.

Got a call from the doctor yesterday. The surgeon who took my biopsies isn't sure she got all three tumors in her biopsies despite taking three samples and telling me she got them all at the time. From what I could gather from the conversation, she did not take adequate work notes to be able to show herself she got all three when the formal post-biopsy ultrasound measurements came in to be compared against her notes. And of course because she had to break skin with needles, this fifteen minute procedure cost my insurance about a grand with $200 being passed to me. And now I have to do it again just to be sure.

Also, the largest tumor seems to have been growing rather rapidly in the last month as now it feels like there's something stuck in my throat and it really hurts to swallow every day for the last few weeks. I think I'm just going to have to have my thyroid removed rather soon.

I really thought all this was behind me at least for a few months and I'm pretty bummed.

I have to add the fact that your surgeon should really be made to foot the bill. Otherwise they might disclaim responsibility for any other such events further down the line.

 

[Commodore]

Maybe it's what she'd most enjoy spending money on.

That doesn't really matter when what she spends on her family starts to have a real negative effect on the household. For example, two years ago she paid her parents' rent without telling me which then forced me to ask my parents for money or we would not have been able to pay our own rent at the time. And that's why this makes me so angry. Our household income is enough that we can live comfortably, but we are far from being wealthy and we certainly don't have the money to support her parents and our household. And I don't see how anyone could even consider that I'm the one in the wrong for picking our own household over supporting her parents.

You two clearly need to come to terms with how your household will handle its finances.

Aside from this one issue, we do agree on our finances. This one issue is really the only point of contention we have. Problem is, it happens to be a pretty big point of contention. But we don't argue about it anymore. We've both stated our positions on the matter and neither one of us is going to budge, so whatever happens, happens. I'm anticipating this to end in divorce though and have been preparing accordingly.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I'm anticipating this to end in divorce though and have been preparing accordingly.

I had a marriage end in divorce because we fought constantly over money. We were both working, yet we were always broke. Since money came in and went out through both of us it was hard to track, and since I was on commission and my paycheck could fluctuate wildly she blamed me for every shortfall that required us to scramble. Then she split, leaving me with three kids and all the bills. When I said "how am I going to support the kids and pay the bills on my income when we weren't making enough between us?" her response was "You make plenty, I've been putting money away for a year because all the fighting was sure to end in us splitting up."

She was "preparing accordingly."

 

[Commodore]

I had a marriage end in divorce because we fought constantly over money. We were both working, yet we were always broke. Since money came in and went out through both of us it was hard to track, and since I was on commission and my paycheck could fluctuate wildly she blamed me for every shortfall that required us to scramble. Then she split, leaving me with three kids and all the bills. When I said "how am I going to support the kids and pay the bills on my income when we weren't making enough between us?" her response was "You make plenty, I've been putting money away for a year because all the fighting was sure to end in us splitting up."

She was "preparing accordingly."

Sorry to hear that.

I know if it does come down to divorce though, it's going to be ugly between us because of the kids. Neither one of us is going to want to give them up and since she will likely want to move back to Pennsylvania, any joint custody agreement will be out of the question. I think that's one thing that keeps her from giving up on the marriage too. If that's the case then our youngest just turned 2 so that gives me 16 years to try to fix things.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Sorry to hear that.

I know if it does come down to divorce though, it's going to be ugly between us because of the kids. Neither one of us is going to want to give them up and since she will likely want to move back to Pennsylvania, any joint custody agreement will be out of the question. I think that's one thing that keeps her from giving up on the marriage too. If that's the case then our youngest just turned 2 so that gives me 16 years to try to fix things.

You're okay with subjecting your 2-year-old to 16 years of parents who don't get along in some pretty significant ways?

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Sorry to hear that.

I know if it does come down to divorce though, it's going to be ugly between us because of the kids. Neither one of us is going to want to give them up and since she will likely want to move back to Pennsylvania, any joint custody agreement will be out of the question. I think that's one thing that keeps her from giving up on the marriage too. If that's the case then our youngest just turned 2 so that gives me 16 years to try to fix things.

"Stuff" happens. The things to note are that the biggest contributing factor to the financial problems we fought over was her preparations, and that if she had put as much effort into trying to keep us together as she put into preparing to split we might have gotten through it.

By the way, my life turned out great and hers went to "stuff."

Good luck.

 

[JohannaK]

So you fought over not making ends meet... And you couldnt make ends meet because she was 'embezzling' money to prepare for divorce?

 

[metatron]

Their animal-words are a case in point: How many of these have you met so far?

And here's a couple more that aren't on any of those lists:

Nashorn = 'nose-horn' = rhinoceros
Nilpferd = 'Nile-horse' = hippopotamus

...although admittedly, the 'English' words for those are (pretty much) straight outta Classical Greek...

Spoiler :

Rhino-keros = nose-horn
Hippo-potamou = horse of the river

...so who am I to judge?

To your point:
äräkhun is Powhatan ("rubs/scratches with his hands")
leðrblaka is Old Norse ("leather-flapper"), yes people lazied that down to three letters
segonku is Abenaki ("he who urinates")
And the Latin word for thorn is "spinus" - i suppose we can all do the math from there.

Never mind that there's a "sea lion" in English as well who doesn't look any more liony than the German one.

(I only found your post (and now of all times) because i was flipping pages to get to the bottom of this marital business under discussion).

 

[sophie]

I'm quite partial to:

sloth (the sin describes the animal)
cardinal (it looks like an episcopus cardinalis)

 

[Timsup2nothin]

So you fought over not making ends meet... And you couldnt make ends meet because she was 'embezzling' money to prepare for divorce?

Good summary.

 

[MagisterCultuum]

I just got back from visiting my sister in the psychiatric hospital. Her husband arrived a few minutes after I did, and we all had to wait to go down as a group to a gym where the patients were brought out to speak to their visitors, so I did not get a chance to speak with her alone without him present.

I feel like almost everything he said would only make things worse.

When she said she feels like she is getting a little better at organizing and interpreting her thoughts he said there is nothing to organize or interpret, that the sort of things she has been thinking and saying for the past week are just nonsense that no matter how they are communicated would never mean anything to anyone and that she just needs to stop thinking them.

She kept saying that they need to learn to communicate better because he is not understanding what she is trying to say, and he says she is not that deep and that he understands her perfectly but just disagrees with her opinion because she is wrong.

He accused her of having the hubris to think she is some kind of prophet for thinking that a bunch of random patterns have a deeper meaning that could help or or anyone else.

When she said she feels overwhelmed by a lot of responsibilities he said that is laughable because she has been so irresponsible.

When she said she feels guilty about not having done a better job as a wife and mother he said she should feel guilty as she has made things hard on everyone.

When she said she thinks she is capable of being a good mother (the implication I got was that she meant in the future, with help from her doctors and family) he said she is delusional to think she is already ready to come home and take over caring for her baby.

When she says she is not comfortable, either relating to the way he and his mother communicate or because of pains he insists of psychosomatic, he said she is being selfish and has made everyone else uncomfortable, that raising a child is never comfortable for anyone but that almost everyone else manages to suck it up and put their child first and so must she.

I think I understood what she meant a lot better than he did, and was able to give some advice and explanations that might help.


Still, I feel like my intuition that her marrying him was a huge mistake was correct. (There were a lot of red flags, the worst of which was probably the fact that when he first asked her to marry him he was still legally married to his first wife, whose relationship ended "because she was crazy" and ran away after spending some time in a psych ward.)


When I got home and told dad a few of the things he said to her, dad said that there is no way her husband is stupid enough to talk to her like that unless he wants a divorce and has a strategy of driving her to be the one who requests it so that he does not have to pay her as much and is trying to make her mental health bad enough that the courts would award him sole custody.

 

[Takhisis]

(There were a lot of red flags, the worst of which was probably the fact that when he first asked her to marry him he was still legally married to his first wife, whose relationship ended "because she was crazy" and ran away after spending some time in a psych ward.)

Really.

 

[JohannaK]

It seems clear that this man means no good to your sister, and that he is in fact projecting much of what he is saying, particularly the selfish part. He is the most selfish of selfish pricks. It worries me and I hope that your sister has finds the help she needs and that you can give her the assurances and the fortitude to continue improving until she is well enough to leave.

 

[shadowplay]

I just got back from visiting my sister in the psychiatric hospital. Her husband arrived a few minutes after I did, and we all had to wait to go down as a group to a gym where the patients were brought out to speak to their visitors, so I did not get a chance to speak with her alone without him present.

I feel like almost everything he said would only make things worse.

When she said she feels like she is getting a little better at organizing and interpreting her thoughts he said there is nothing to organize or interpret, that the sort of things she has been thinking and saying for the past week are just nonsense that no matter how they are communicated would never mean anything to anyone and that she just needs to stop thinking them.

She kept saying that they need to learn to communicate better because he is not understanding what she is trying to say, and he says she is not that deep and that he understands her perfectly but just disagrees with her opinion because she is wrong.

He accused her of having the hubris to think she is some kind of prophet for thinking that a bunch of random patterns have a deeper meaning that could help or or anyone else.

When she said she feels overwhelmed by a lot of responsibilities he said that is laughable because she has been so irresponsible.

When she said she feels guilty about not having done a better job as a wife and mother he said she should feel guilty as she has made things hard on everyone.

When she said she thinks she is capable of being a good mother (the implication I got was that she meant in the future, with help from her doctors and family) he said she is delusional to think she is already ready to come home and take over caring for her baby.

When she says she is not comfortable, either relating to the way he and his mother communicate or because of pains he insists of psychosomatic, he said she is being selfish and has made everyone else uncomfortable, that raising a child is never comfortable for anyone but that almost everyone else manages to suck it up and put their child first and so must she.

I think I understood what she meant a lot better than he did, and was able to give some advice and explanations that might help.


Still, I feel like my intuition that her marrying him was a huge mistake was correct. (There were a lot of red flags, the worst of which was probably the fact that when he first asked her to marry him he was still legally married to his first wife, whose relationship ended "because she was crazy" and ran away after spending some time in a psych ward.)


When I got home and told dad a few of the things he said to her, dad said that there is no way her husband is stupid enough to talk to her like that unless he wants a divorce and has a strategy of driving her to be the one who requests it so that he does not have to pay her as much and is trying to make her mental health bad enough that the courts would award him sole custody.

That is thoroughly revolting.

 

[Arakhor]

Farage is an oleaginous turd. That's all.

 

[Takhisis]

My, my, what language, Arakhor. What has happened?

 

[Silurian]

I
Still, I feel like my intuition that her marrying him was a huge mistake was correct. (There were a lot of red flags, the worst of which was probably the fact that when he first asked her to marry him he was still legally married to his first wife, whose relationship ended "because she was crazy" and ran away after spending some time in a psych ward.)
.

Its abuse.
He wants to control her and that is most likely what happened to the previous wife.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/news/a31487/what-is-coercive-control/

 

[Takhisis]

I am not sure whether this husband of hers might not be stealing from her as well.