MagisterCultuum
Great Sage
I just got a call saying that they are about to proceed with my father's cremation
My siblings all met at the funeral homes yesterday to discuss our options. (My sister was late because my cousin who was supposed to watch my mother and the kids did not arrive at our house until I was in their parking lot.)
The cheapest option for burying the whole body in a casket would cost a thousand of dollars more than all my parents' savings.
Dad had said he wanted to be buried next to his parents and his brother, in the plot his mother bought when his brother died in 1989. However, he was also an extremely frugal man who would be rolling in his grave if he knew we had spent so much to put him there, even if it didn't leave us with so little for mom to live on.
We are still planning to bury his ashes there, but burying an urn is a lot cheaper than burying a casket.
(I thought that we still had one plot left for dad and another one for mom, but looking through the papers my brother only found a single deed for a plot reserved for either mom or dad. After we left our meeting I realized that if they both get cremated we may be able to use one plot for both parents once mom dies too since urns are so much smaller than caskets. I have not discussed that with my brother or the cemetery, but looked up online that the vast majority of cemeteries allow 2 urns per grave and some allow as many as 6.)
My brothers decided we ought to get the urn that was everyone's initial favorite before looking at the price tags, even though there were a couple alternatives my sister and I liked equally which were cheaper. The eldest brother also decided that we should each get one of the tiny keepsake urns.
They required immediate payment yesterday before we left. We put a $3,693.80 on one of mom and dad's shared credit cards.
We will probably have the funeral between 2:15pm on Sunday March 20th. My oldest brother seemed strongly attached it being on a Sunday, prefers that week, and 2-4pm is the only time my parents' pastor is available that day.
My brothers were wanting a funeral in the sanctuary of my parents' church, but the pastor said it is such a large venue that it would not be a good fit unless we expected hundreds of guests.
My sister preferred the option of an outdoor graveside service anyway, to be safer during Covid. The Funderal Home said that cemetery could bury an urn and provide the tent and chairs for a graveside service for $500 on a weekend (or $300 on weekdays), although that is completely separate from what we pay the funeral home and we'd have to double check with the cemetery ourselves to be sure. A headstone would likely cost more than $500. None of us could remember whether our grandmother had already provided one.
After our call with the pastor was over (he was running late for another meeting) we got to discussing renting an area just for a reception rather than the service. We didn't get to ask if there is such a space available at our church. The middle brother seemed more amenable to renting a space at the funeral home for close to $800, while the oldest wanted to check with each of our respective churches but said his top choice would be the church right across the street from the cemetery, which none of us has attended for years but which dad attended when he was young.
The double cousin who was watching mom and the kids works for a company that specializes in cleaning out houses for the elderly or heirs of the recently diseased. They help their clients decide what is worth saving, what should be thrown away, and what can be sold for profit. She said the last house where the worked had a bunch of supposed junk that ended up bringing in $17k at auction. (They can also do some landscaping, like hauling away a lot of the broken tree limbs in our yard.) She feels that it would be too hard emotionally for her to work at our house personally, but she spoke with her boss and found she can get us a 75% discount on their services. She said that with the discount she was willing to pay for all of it.
After my cousin and sister left I went for a short walk and ran into a couple of our neighbors whom I informed about everything. One of them, who had been good friend with my mother for 33 years, then came over to talk and pray with mom for a while.
My brother wrote back later that they confirmed the availability of both the cemetery and the pastor for 2pm on March 20th, but are still working on a site for the reception. The pastor wants to meet with us at 3:30pm on Tuesday March 15th to discuss things first.
We have a busy week next week. Mom and I have dentist appointments Monday, the meeting with the pastor Tuesday, mom has a podiatrist appointment Wednesday, an eye doctor Thursday, and her psychiatrist on Friday.
Edit: My brother came over this afternoon, bringing us Chick-fil-A again and the butter he had left at home when he brought some other groceries last Saturday. Much more significantly, he brought me a check to fully compensate me for the funeral home expenses. We spent a few hours going through the living room, sorting through things deciding what to keep and what to throw away. We almost finished half of the room, but the biggest piles of papers to go through are on dad's desk on the other half.
My siblings all met at the funeral homes yesterday to discuss our options. (My sister was late because my cousin who was supposed to watch my mother and the kids did not arrive at our house until I was in their parking lot.)
The cheapest option for burying the whole body in a casket would cost a thousand of dollars more than all my parents' savings.
Dad had said he wanted to be buried next to his parents and his brother, in the plot his mother bought when his brother died in 1989. However, he was also an extremely frugal man who would be rolling in his grave if he knew we had spent so much to put him there, even if it didn't leave us with so little for mom to live on.
We are still planning to bury his ashes there, but burying an urn is a lot cheaper than burying a casket.
(I thought that we still had one plot left for dad and another one for mom, but looking through the papers my brother only found a single deed for a plot reserved for either mom or dad. After we left our meeting I realized that if they both get cremated we may be able to use one plot for both parents once mom dies too since urns are so much smaller than caskets. I have not discussed that with my brother or the cemetery, but looked up online that the vast majority of cemeteries allow 2 urns per grave and some allow as many as 6.)
My brothers decided we ought to get the urn that was everyone's initial favorite before looking at the price tags, even though there were a couple alternatives my sister and I liked equally which were cheaper. The eldest brother also decided that we should each get one of the tiny keepsake urns.
They required immediate payment yesterday before we left. We put a $3,693.80 on one of mom and dad's shared credit cards.
We will probably have the funeral between 2:15pm on Sunday March 20th. My oldest brother seemed strongly attached it being on a Sunday, prefers that week, and 2-4pm is the only time my parents' pastor is available that day.
My brothers were wanting a funeral in the sanctuary of my parents' church, but the pastor said it is such a large venue that it would not be a good fit unless we expected hundreds of guests.
My sister preferred the option of an outdoor graveside service anyway, to be safer during Covid. The Funderal Home said that cemetery could bury an urn and provide the tent and chairs for a graveside service for $500 on a weekend (or $300 on weekdays), although that is completely separate from what we pay the funeral home and we'd have to double check with the cemetery ourselves to be sure. A headstone would likely cost more than $500. None of us could remember whether our grandmother had already provided one.
After our call with the pastor was over (he was running late for another meeting) we got to discussing renting an area just for a reception rather than the service. We didn't get to ask if there is such a space available at our church. The middle brother seemed more amenable to renting a space at the funeral home for close to $800, while the oldest wanted to check with each of our respective churches but said his top choice would be the church right across the street from the cemetery, which none of us has attended for years but which dad attended when he was young.
The double cousin who was watching mom and the kids works for a company that specializes in cleaning out houses for the elderly or heirs of the recently diseased. They help their clients decide what is worth saving, what should be thrown away, and what can be sold for profit. She said the last house where the worked had a bunch of supposed junk that ended up bringing in $17k at auction. (They can also do some landscaping, like hauling away a lot of the broken tree limbs in our yard.) She feels that it would be too hard emotionally for her to work at our house personally, but she spoke with her boss and found she can get us a 75% discount on their services. She said that with the discount she was willing to pay for all of it.
After my cousin and sister left I went for a short walk and ran into a couple of our neighbors whom I informed about everything. One of them, who had been good friend with my mother for 33 years, then came over to talk and pray with mom for a while.
My brother wrote back later that they confirmed the availability of both the cemetery and the pastor for 2pm on March 20th, but are still working on a site for the reception. The pastor wants to meet with us at 3:30pm on Tuesday March 15th to discuss things first.
We have a busy week next week. Mom and I have dentist appointments Monday, the meeting with the pastor Tuesday, mom has a podiatrist appointment Wednesday, an eye doctor Thursday, and her psychiatrist on Friday.
Edit: My brother came over this afternoon, bringing us Chick-fil-A again and the butter he had left at home when he brought some other groceries last Saturday. Much more significantly, he brought me a check to fully compensate me for the funeral home expenses. We spent a few hours going through the living room, sorting through things deciding what to keep and what to throw away. We almost finished half of the room, but the biggest piles of papers to go through are on dad's desk on the other half.
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