Phrossack
Armored Fish and Armored Men
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The daddy long-legs thing is a myth, actually. They're perfectly harmless.
Random Rants XLII: The Four-Part Plan
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The daddy long-legs thing is a myth, actually. They're perfectly harmless.
Phrossack
Armored Fish and Armored Men
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Spoiler More whingy love Rants that I think you guys are tired of so I'm spoilering it, also these are more for me to get some thoughts off my chest rather than asking for genuine responses :
Oh, what are you whinging about?
Some of us have never gotten even close to having a relationship. Just ask her if she has a boyfriend, maybe ask her out. Make it clear you're interested in a relationship. If she agrees, great! If she doesn't, then accept it and move on. It usually takes a few months, but you'll get over it eventually. Consider yourself lucky to have this opportunity and take it.
Well, I read an article just last week about someone dying after being bitten by a crane fly. One would have to assume that other stuff was going on at the same time then.
Phrossack
Armored Fish and Armored Men
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What article was that? From what I've read, both daddy long-legs (as they're called in the US; they're the spider-like ones) and crane flies (confusingly, also called daddy long-legs in Britain sometimes) are non-venomous. In fact, adult crane flies don't even eat, let alone bite. The only harm they do is when the grubs eat up lawns.
http://spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.html
http://insects.tamu.edu/fieldguide/bimg215.html
http://whatcom.wsu.edu/cranefly/faq.htm
sophie
Break My Heart
Spoiler More whingy love Rants that I think you guys are tired of so I'm spoilering it, also these are more for me to get some thoughts off my chest rather than asking for genuine responses :
Spoiler More whingy love Rants that I think you guys are tired of so I'm spoilering it, also these are more for me to get some thoughts off my chest rather than asking for genuine responses :
Kennigit
proud 2 boxer
My advice:
well I saw two girls in the computer lab the other day that were "hot". Not "attractive", not "cute", but the stereotypical hot. Then I realised I hadn't actually checked out a "hot" girl in forever, at least never this semester. As in I forgot that hot girls exist and the concept of checking a girl out--sure there are plenty of girls I find attractive (and I like "attractive" or "cute" rather than "hot") but none of that "ddaaaammmnn she fine" moments.
I then went to class where there is a ~25:1 ratio. And by "about" I mean I counted and there were 23-25 guys and 1 girl.
i.e. never listen to me.
well I saw two girls in the computer lab the other day that were "hot". Not "attractive", not "cute", but the stereotypical hot. Then I realised I hadn't actually checked out a "hot" girl in forever, at least never this semester. As in I forgot that hot girls exist and the concept of checking a girl out--sure there are plenty of girls I find attractive (and I like "attractive" or "cute" rather than "hot") but none of that "ddaaaammmnn she fine" moments.
I then went to class where there is a ~25:1 ratio. And by "about" I mean I counted and there were 23-25 guys and 1 girl.
i.e. never listen to me.
Mango Elephant
Deity
Are you serious?
Skwink
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I thought we were talking about the spider like thing.
Just ask her; simple as that. If she's single, she'll take it as a possible sign that your interested. If she's not single... then at least you know she's not single.
You don't have to literally go up to her and say "do you have a boyfriend?" Just when you're talking to her casually throw the question in, "so, do you have a boyfriend"? If she says no then she's all yours.
I don't know, it still feels too blunt, and I don't know if I have the courage to just ask a question like that
Oh, what are you whinging about?
I know I know, before I met her I would have said the same thing if people were whinging about a relationship in this thread. Its just, gah, I don't know, its very confusing and hard to read, and I'm back at the point where I'm questioning if I'm just imaging things or if there's something there. I just think its too early in the (possible) relationship to ask questions like what Owen said, so Imma move down there now.
Also, once you find yourself where I am, simply shrugging your shoulders and moving on isn't easy, especially since I was were you are now before this all happened. This is like my only shot in 18 years of anything with the opposite sex, I don't want to just shrug it off like nothing.
Ugh, maybe I have to do this. I don't know, it just feels so direct and blunt, and at this stage of this (possible) relationship, I don't want one comment to make it go awry. I guess I have the next couple days + the weekend to build up the courage.
Though I think I should be building up the courage for contact information before the boyfriend thing, I don't know.
Second most important thing. When you went on your date, did you formally ask her on a date, and did you describe it as a date? It is my experience that girls do not generally realize these sorts of games guys like to play. Guys tend to like to take a lot of liberties with what things are. To a guy the two of you going to dinner alone is a date. To a girl, unless you explicitly say it is a date, it could be any manner of things from potential hookup to just having dinner with one of your good friends.
(Trust me on this, I've gotten into a fair few arguments/forceful conversations with my girlfriend about how guys work).
This is one of the reasons why I asked if you guys planned the next date during the first one. For one thing it is always a fantastic indicator of how the girl thought the date went. If she's eager to plan the next one then you're a definite keeper in her book. Plus then you've got her pegged down for at least one more date
It wasn't a formal thing like "you wanna go out", or "you wanna go on a date". Not at all. I think I mentioned before this was more or less evolving organically. Here's short-ish timeline of how things went down regarding the dinner:
Firstly, the week before Thanksgiving break, we both depart from class towards the same destination (thought taking different ways). About halfway there we both stop at the crosswalk, she notices me, comes over, and starts talking to me ("where you heading?" "do you live over here"? yadda yadda). I tell her I eat over at her dorm's cafeteria because I have a class a class soon and this is the closest place to eat. We walk together to the cafeteria, and as we get in line, she says she got a phone call from a friend, was going to talk to her for a bit, and would sit and eat with me if she found me. She doesn't find me and I eat alone.
Now, moving forward in time to this Monday. We walk together out of class and towards the cafeteria (I find out she has a class at the exact same time as me, so our eating schedules line up), and sit down and eat dinner together. Afterwards, we depart our ways to our separate classes. There wasn't any talk about eating together again or whatever, I assume because since we have the same class together and we know we'll see each other on Wednesday, and Monday again (when hopefully we can eat together and talk some more).
So I have no idea if it was a date, or if she considers it a date, or if the modifier date is even necessary for the advancement of this relationship. I've never been on a "date" before so I wouldn't know. Just the bluntness of asking someone out on a date doesn't seem to mesh with the way this is evolving, which is also why I'm being thrown to question the whole thing.
Great advice, but I think its too early for this type of stuff. And no, nothing physical has happened, and to be honest, I'm not really thinking in that mindset. I don't see her out of sexual desire but more out of love desire. Which is odd, or at least I'm surprising myself by thinking that way. I feel like sex or physical stuff will be just a formality in the relationship later on, as of right now, I just want to be with her.
If this goes anywhere though, I'll definitely have try and do this. Though once again the whole formal and directness of it kind of turn me off from it.
Yeah, this is the reason for all these whinging posts. I'm just constantly doubting everything because the way it evolved is very organic and not direct, so its all fuzzy and confusing and I don't know. The organic approach is the most comfortable approach for me (and the way I always hope to get into a relationship), but its also the most grey and confusing. Ugh, I guess I brought this on myself more or less by not formalizing anything early on and just riding along every time she and I started to talk more and more.
Thanks for all the help guys, even though I didn't ask for it you provided. I have a couple days of (tough) not talking to her to try and build up courage for something. I think I'm going to aim for contact ability outside of class, that way I'm not restricted in the time I can talk to her, and I can set up possible future meetups (as well as keep in contact over winter break when she's in France). After that maybe I can bring up the boyfriend girlfriend thing if I have the chutzpah to do so, I'm not sure I do at this point though.
Your guys' experience might be the saving grace of this whole affair
I feel slightly better that I have some sort of gameplan now, though the tough part comes in the courage aspect and actually following through with it. I'm hoping her continued approaching of me isn't some sort of tease and that she's legitimately interested, if its the former then I'll be incredibly disappointing and hurt, even though it would be my fault for seeing things that weren't there. Thanks again.
stfoskey12
Emperor of Foskania
I am going to start a whole different rant about how it seems to me that Google continuously removes or changes features I was happy with. For example, a lot of the Gmail labs were removed recently, as was Google Buzz, and Google search engine backgrounds. Also, I used to be able to calculate the directions from Cape Town, South Africa to Shanghai, China, but I can't anymore.
sophie
Break My Heart
Yeah the organic approach sounds preferable because it's a much easier way to go about things, but you also have to be careful. The old adage is that you don't date friends, and for the most part this is very true. I think the organic approach is a lot harder to get a good relationship (not impossible, mind, and it can manifest in some very positive ways), but it's much easier for a girl to throw you into the friend zone because she doesn't realize that you are thinking about things in that way. She will, quite simply see you as a friend.
Based on what you've just told me I would guess that she may be into you; she certainly made the effort to eat food with you, but I certainly wouldn't have called your lunch a date, and I doubt she saw it as such either. But don't lose hope, you are setting yourself well to do things the correct way. You've gotten acquainted with one another, spent some time together. Your first order of business, as others said, is first to determine if she is taken. It doesn't have to be awkward. You don't have to just stride up to her and ask it, keep it casual, throw it into the mix while you two are small talking. "So are you seeing anybody?", something as simple as that. Not only does it tell you if the gates are open for you to approach, it can also give you some valuable information about what she thinks of you. She's obviously not going to say "Nope, ask me out", but you can get a good idea of what she thinks about you depending on her body language and how she responds to the question.
From there, assuming she isn't taken, the next step is to ask her out. You may think it's awkward, but most girls think it's very sweet. 1.) Girls are going through the same icky stuff you are but they have the added handicap of social stigma largely barring them from doing anything about it other than vague signals which they hope you will pick up on (we often don't). So having a guy come right out and ask her out formally is a relief to her because she knows where you two stand too. 2.) Girls like guys who do the old fashioned stuff. It tells them that you care about her and want to do this correctly. It also tells them you are confident in yourself (major turn-on) and sociable (other major turn-on). So yeah, forget how embarrassed you might feel doing it, it's a rite of passage and as long as you get the girl in the end, who cares.
Some things to keep in mind when asking the girl out.
1) I find it tends to be easier if you small talk a bit before "popping the question" as it were. Chatting allows you to relax a bit and it also might help smooth over the "awkwardness of it". You can just knock on her door and ask her out too, but then there's a lot more suspense and build up and the awkward level is raised much higher.
2) Have something in mind to do for your date. You don't have to be fancy about it. Dinner and a movie is the bread and butter and for good reasons: it works. Try to get a feel for some of her interests and see if there are any movies out that she might be interested in seeing (that are good date fare). Otherwise, carnivals or amusement parks are also great first date ideas. What you're looking for is something light, unstressful, and unphysical where you can enjoy what you are doing, but still leave your mind free to get to know one another. Avoid something where the girl will feel out of her element, embarrassed, or self-conscious about herself. No messy foods. This won't apply to you now because you're in Iowa but anything involving a bikini or bathing suit on a first date is a huge no-no.
3) Make sure you use the word date. I cannot stress this enough. Say something like "Hey I noticed x movie was opening, would you like to go see it with me, as a date?" Something along those lines, you can be much more charming about it if you want, but the above gets the point across. If you do not use the word date, unless you are sending out REALLY strong signals she will assume you are going as friends and not think of it romantically.
4) At the end of the date ask her if she had a good time. If she says yes then kind of try to direct her towards talking about a second date. If she's interested in a second one then you're in.
5) Be sure to pay for the meal and the movies unless she makes a fuss about it. This one is bit harder to explain as social norms dictate that she say something like "oh no you don't have to do that", which means you absolutely do have to do that. If she says something more substantial then back off and let her pay for herself.
Now get out there and slay 'em tiger, I know you got it in you.
Based on what you've just told me I would guess that she may be into you; she certainly made the effort to eat food with you, but I certainly wouldn't have called your lunch a date, and I doubt she saw it as such either. But don't lose hope, you are setting yourself well to do things the correct way. You've gotten acquainted with one another, spent some time together. Your first order of business, as others said, is first to determine if she is taken. It doesn't have to be awkward. You don't have to just stride up to her and ask it, keep it casual, throw it into the mix while you two are small talking. "So are you seeing anybody?", something as simple as that. Not only does it tell you if the gates are open for you to approach, it can also give you some valuable information about what she thinks of you. She's obviously not going to say "Nope, ask me out", but you can get a good idea of what she thinks about you depending on her body language and how she responds to the question.
From there, assuming she isn't taken, the next step is to ask her out. You may think it's awkward, but most girls think it's very sweet. 1.) Girls are going through the same icky stuff you are but they have the added handicap of social stigma largely barring them from doing anything about it other than vague signals which they hope you will pick up on (we often don't). So having a guy come right out and ask her out formally is a relief to her because she knows where you two stand too. 2.) Girls like guys who do the old fashioned stuff. It tells them that you care about her and want to do this correctly. It also tells them you are confident in yourself (major turn-on) and sociable (other major turn-on). So yeah, forget how embarrassed you might feel doing it, it's a rite of passage and as long as you get the girl in the end, who cares.
Some things to keep in mind when asking the girl out.
1) I find it tends to be easier if you small talk a bit before "popping the question" as it were. Chatting allows you to relax a bit and it also might help smooth over the "awkwardness of it". You can just knock on her door and ask her out too, but then there's a lot more suspense and build up and the awkward level is raised much higher.
2) Have something in mind to do for your date. You don't have to be fancy about it. Dinner and a movie is the bread and butter and for good reasons: it works. Try to get a feel for some of her interests and see if there are any movies out that she might be interested in seeing (that are good date fare). Otherwise, carnivals or amusement parks are also great first date ideas. What you're looking for is something light, unstressful, and unphysical where you can enjoy what you are doing, but still leave your mind free to get to know one another. Avoid something where the girl will feel out of her element, embarrassed, or self-conscious about herself. No messy foods. This won't apply to you now because you're in Iowa but anything involving a bikini or bathing suit on a first date is a huge no-no.
3) Make sure you use the word date. I cannot stress this enough. Say something like "Hey I noticed x movie was opening, would you like to go see it with me, as a date?" Something along those lines, you can be much more charming about it if you want, but the above gets the point across. If you do not use the word date, unless you are sending out REALLY strong signals she will assume you are going as friends and not think of it romantically.
4) At the end of the date ask her if she had a good time. If she says yes then kind of try to direct her towards talking about a second date. If she's interested in a second one then you're in.
5) Be sure to pay for the meal and the movies unless she makes a fuss about it. This one is bit harder to explain as social norms dictate that she say something like "oh no you don't have to do that", which means you absolutely do have to do that. If she says something more substantial then back off and let her pay for herself.
Now get out there and slay 'em tiger, I know you got it in you.
I think you hit on a couple things I was actually planning on doing, Owen. Possibly on Monday, or Wednesday at the latest, after talking a bit, I was planning on getting her contact information with the excuse of "hanging out later" "or doing something", which I guess is my more natural lexicon for a date (without using that tough word). After that, if she says yes, I can probably more or less get an indication of if she's taken or not, cause even sneaking it in to small talk seems kind of awkward, and I'm not sure if I have the tact to do so in a way that doesn't come off as strange. Though I guess that question will eventually have to come.
Also yeah, for the actual "date", if it does come, I want to try and do something that can maximize our ability to talk, and the movie/dinner combo is probably the casual/easy way to do it (killer on the wallet though, but its for love so whatever!). I'm not even comfortable in a swimsuit, so I don't think that's a problem at all.
Do you think the exact word "date" is necessary? Do more casual/laid back terms like "hang out" and "do something" "get together" not work or carry the same weight? Its just that the word date seems so heavy and stigma filled, and isn't really part of my lexicon. I don't want it to come off as being too forced or whatever, and possibly jeopardize things.
And I'll make sure and try to ask about the good time thing, weave it into conversation somehow. That doesn't seem too hard (especially if its a movie).
Thanks a bunch Owen, I'm feeling so much better about this now. I'm back again to being excited for Monday to come, and hoping to put my "plan" so to speak into action. This might actually pan out after all. I'm all giddy!
Also if this is coming off as an incredible bore to others in this thread (I'm sure it is), then we can take this to VM or PM Owen, or something.
I have personally overseen a coup of this thread, ITS MINE NOW
Also yeah, for the actual "date", if it does come, I want to try and do something that can maximize our ability to talk, and the movie/dinner combo is probably the casual/easy way to do it (killer on the wallet though, but its for love so whatever!). I'm not even comfortable in a swimsuit, so I don't think that's a problem at all.
Do you think the exact word "date" is necessary? Do more casual/laid back terms like "hang out" and "do something" "get together" not work or carry the same weight? Its just that the word date seems so heavy and stigma filled, and isn't really part of my lexicon. I don't want it to come off as being too forced or whatever, and possibly jeopardize things.
And I'll make sure and try to ask about the good time thing, weave it into conversation somehow. That doesn't seem too hard (especially if its a movie).
Thanks a bunch Owen, I'm feeling so much better about this now. I'm back again to being excited for Monday to come, and hoping to put my "plan" so to speak into action. This might actually pan out after all. I'm all giddy!
Also if this is coming off as an incredible bore to others in this thread (I'm sure it is), then we can take this to VM or PM Owen, or something.
I have personally overseen a coup of this thread, ITS MINE NOW
Mr. joan needs a takh-made hamburger for knowledge of what a truly succulent sandwich it is.
The Revolution will defeat you islamocommuzionazi!
Skwink
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I really like this ace99 guy.
Your tastes suck.
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