Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Red_Spy]

I announce under my term the Leningrad Cowboys will be brought out of limbo.

 

[CivCube]

I organize the gathered geniuses to develop a Great Ion Countercannon.

For great justice.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my holistic approach to medicine and my alien empath ability, I study Terrance888's overall condition, aiding and learning however I can.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I ask the super friendly and helpful Chinese police about Horace.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Remembering I need fuel use the Jeep jog the opposite direction for any settlement, attempting to avoid the bandits.

 

[Omega124]

[rioting intensifies]

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I begin spreading my missionaries throughout the lands

18: You go meandering across the land, attracting a sizable den of snakes.

Use the CO's Speech skill which he tagged (ha, so much for being a total dump skill which I should have forsaken for Energy Weapons! Who's the winner now, ya bloody tribal?) to politely explain that there has been a misunderstanding. With simple, clear words. And don't appear violent. Be weak. Yes. You heard me. They won't tase a poor old woman, although you're neither poor or old, but you can surely try to play in with your female beauty.

I mean, you knew that you picked a redheaded CO all from the start, no?

15: Using your feminine wiles you persuade the guards this was all a horrible mix-up, and that the oil rig is housing conspirators to a global genocide. They may not know the particular details of the Enclave's evils, but since the African continent has spent the past several centuries getting the short end of the stick, the police doubt this will be good for society. They give you a map of Zambia and a spare kevlar vest and send you on your way.

I sigh at having to waste valuable Brotherhood equipment on unimportant targets and then unload a laser barrage on the Fascists and kill them all, like this. This expends one battery unfortunately.

10: They take cover, but at least you have enough common sense not to waste a whole battery pack.

Open another portal in the van & dive through.

8: It seems you spent all your cred on that wretched misfire.

I partake in studying within the break room of the hospital to learn to improve my confidence.

3 (2): You look out the window to see... the U.S. Army rallying against Dhoomstriker.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (6): You're grazed by a salvo for 6 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5: Dhoomstriker suffers 20 damage from a marksman's bullet.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: Terrance is targeted by an elite anti-xeno squad for 20 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: The lions are barraged to devastating effect; Attlee takes 21 damage and two pride members fall.

I try to use my better understanding of my new alien body to close the big bleeding would I have.

16: You reduce the blood loss by 3 hp/turn while restoring 15 hitpoints.

I announce under my term the Leningrad Cowboys will be brought out of limbo.

13 (16): Your commitment to preserving a global cultural phenomenon is lauded worldwide. You shoot to #2 in the polls and receive $238 in private foreign campaign donations.

I organize the gathered geniuses to develop a Great Ion Countercannon.

For great justice.

20 (20): They can do one better: for just 20 and $100, they can hack into the orbiting satellite to repurpose it for your use!

Using my holistic approach to medicine and my alien empath ability, I study Terrance888's overall condition, aiding and learning however I can.

11 (14): You stop the bleeding and patch him back up to full health.

I ask the super friendly and helpful Chinese police about Horace.

14 (15): They confirm a man fitting Horace's description entered the country a week or two ago heading for Chengdu.

Remembering I need fuel use the Jeep jog the opposite direction for any settlement, attempting to avoid the bandits.

13: You haul ass way from the fight, and strangely enough you manage to lose them.

[rioting intensifies]

6 (7): Government regulars move into the city to see what all the fuss is about.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): The party is over as light infantry open up on the protesters, nicking you for 2 damage.

Seon couldn't keep up.
Ion cannon strike on christos200! How is he still standing?!

 

[NinjaCow64]

While they are taking cover, I fire my gun over their heads loudly while falling back, hopefully confusing the badly-written dystopian policemen into staying in cover until I am safely away from them.

 

[Omega124]

I scream an ancient war cry and charge at the light infantry, leading by example.

C'est la lutte finale!

 

[Terrance888]

I call my cold fusion fighter to strafe the troops while I attack them with my flail, with a goal of drawing aggro away from my soft squishy human friends.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

I apply my holistic medicine practices to treating CivGeneral's physiological and psychological conditions.

(Oh, and if Attlee can be separately attacked, it's only fair that he also get a separate action to respond, at least for the length of this combat, correct? He can't exactly sit idly while the pride of lions gets decimated. If this belief holds true, then: )
Attlee uses his academic knowledge of US Military insignia to identify the commanding officer of the US troops and he leads the lions in an attack on that commanding officer.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Off to Chengdu!

 

[Ailedhoo]

Commence a journey to look for a settlement: I need fuel for the Jeep and food.

 

[GenMarshall]

I sneak out of the hospital to infiltrate the enemy ranks and I use the handcuffs as an improvised strangling implement to choke the commander of the tank, taking control of it myself. Frank follows suit and takes control of the turret.

 

[Kinich-Ahau]

I plead insanity

 

[gay_Aleks]

Become an air sheriff for Zambia Air, then try to get a plane to America.

 

[SouthernKing]

Unleash my sneks against the next poster

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

While they are taking cover, I fire my gun over their heads loudly while falling back, hopefully confusing the badly-written dystopian policemen into staying in cover until I am safely away from them.

5: In your panic you run and gun, firing wildly and leaving yourself vulnerable to opportunity shots. that skin you of 9 hitpoints.

I scream an ancient war cry and charge at the light infantry, leading by example.

C'est la lutte finale!

20 (20): Leading the charge, the town takes the scouting party head-on, rapidly closing distance and quickly routing the soldiers. You recover 3 AK-47 rifles, a Browning .50 cal, and a working BTR-60 from abandoned equipment.

I call my cold fusion fighter to strafe the troops while I attack them with my flail, with a goal of drawing aggro away from my soft squishy human friends.

10 (12): You realize you don't actually have a remote control for the jet, but you do manage to tank the rest of the army.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (15): You start beating up the nearest soldiers while miraculously avoiding retaliatory fire.

I apply my holistic medicine practices to treating CivGeneral's physiological and psychological conditions.

(Oh, and if Attlee can be separately attacked, it's only fair that he also get a separate action to respond, at least for the length of this combat, correct? He can't exactly sit idly while the pride of lions gets decimated. If this belief holds true, then: )
Attlee uses his academic knowledge of US Military insignia to identify the commanding officer of the US troops and he leads the lions in an attack on that commanding officer.

(I was sure you'd been in this long enough to know NPCs will follow your lead in large-scale fights—rolls to dodge cover this—though direct commands count as your action.)

13 (16): You patch him up by 25 hitpoints.

Off to Chengdu!

15 (16): You take a train and are there in no time.

Commence a journey to look for a settlement: I need fuel for the Jeep and food.

5 (6): You wander around deliriously but all you see is grassland.

I sneak out of the hospital to infiltrate the enemy ranks and I use the handcuffs as an improvised strangling implement to choke the commander of the tank, taking control of it myself. Frank follows suit and takes control of the turret.

5 (6): Even with the army gunning for Terrance, you quickly realize that you won't be able to choke the commander if the hatch is buttoned. Which it is.

I plead insanity

9: You haven't been taken to court yet.

Become an air sheriff for Zambia Air, then try to get a plane to America.

8: You lack the qualifications for the position. You should consider raising your Speech skill to bluff your way in. Or, barring that, take a training course in airline security.

Unleash my sneks against the next poster

19: The snakes mob the GM, keeping him distracted for the next three days and thereby providing ample time for everyone to get their orders in.

The lions rally for a breakout assault.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (14): Supporting Terrance's flank, they manage drive the soldiers a little way back from the hospital.

Red_Spy and CivCube are declared AWOL.
Ion cannon strike on christos200! He had not even begun to fight.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I stratch my head in confusion and politely ask the GM whether I lost the people who were chasing me or not.

 

[Omega124]

With Christos dead, I proclaim the Feminist Union of Communist Internationalist Nambia (FUCIN)