Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[GenMarshall]

With the help of Frank Drebbin, I gather as much information about Ailedhoo.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I attempt to launch once more, by phases this time and making sure the problems have been fixed.

4: You can't conduct a staggered launch without heavy borrowing, and after the last catastrophe National Defense isn't willing to afford you credit until you've got a demonstrable prototype. In fact, you've got five turns to prove you're taking this venture seriously or they'll slash your pay.

Aim my gun for Chiang's neck and fire! Strike for the Elder Gods!

5 (5): Before you can even get a shot off he suddenly charges you, knocking the barrel aside and striking you with his rifle butt for 10 damage, disorienting you to the tune of -1 to all rolls for 2 turns. He then launches a follow-up attack.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (18): Going at him like a ram in a rut, you beat him up for 15 damage and manage to grapple his Fat Man launcher and four bombs.

[declarative]I head for the nearest nation under siege to do battle[end declarative]
[aside]All shall disintegrate against my unholy circuitry[end aside]
[mirthful realization]Baha. Ha. Ha. Hell on earth is me. Ha. Ha. Ha.[end mirthful realization]​

16 (17): You make haste to Mongolia to join the valiant defence. With the Royal Army still disorganized, you should have no trouble cutting to the chase and challenging a member of the Gang of Four directly. (+5 to seek out any member of the Gang of Four, and +5 initiative to such an attack for the next 3 turns)

I steal a f-14 tomcat to do battle in the sky

19: In what should by every account be physically impossible, you use your sword to pole-vault into the sky and grapple with one of the jets, throwing out its pilots and claiming it for yourself. This awesome display of sheer badassery improves your general intimidation skill by 2 points.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19: And then to show off, you hunt down the squadron one-by-one, downing all hostiles before they can get away. Your loyal partisans promptly upload their cell phone recordings and news of the battle spreads rapidly, boosting the morale of other resistance groups nationwide and attracting more volunteers from across New York State.

With the help of Frank Drebbin, I gather as much information about Ailedhoo.

20 (18): Re-reading the thread, you surmise that upon joining the game after its resumption this year, Ailedhoo stole juKar-C's jeep for an insane plan to drive to Brighton. Unfortunately it was out of gas, and he was promptly set upon by bandits. Though he managed to wrestle a crowbar away from one of them, they'd beaten him bloody and he was forced to flee into the savanna. After wandering about aimlessly, he stumbled upon a woman at a watering hole who directed him to a nearby village. Not knowing the language he was unable to ask for proper medical attention, nor did he look both ways before crossing the street and got hit by a jeep for further injury before the CubeCannon swapped him with Frank Drebbin. After realizing that screaming into the dirt didn't help, he picked himself up and, completely oblivious to his new surroundings, tried to re-enter the hamlet with a stubbornness that soon turned into mind-gnawing obsession. Embracing the darkness, he became a servant of Cthulhu, gaining some combat prowess but a huge hit to his social image and sanity. Redoubling his efforts he reached the US eastern seaboard by foot, just in time for the CubeCannon to teleport him inside the EKNC's command base, where he was set upon by the guards previously battling hoplitejoe. His plea for further eldritch aid was rebuffed, yet he managed to body-check a reinforced concrete wall and hid in a prototype InvisiBox. It didn't have peep-holes, though, and he promptly ran into a wall. Following its length he eventually reached an exhaust port that led all the way to the other side of the base. Here he ran into a parade troop; the ensuing fight attracted more combatants and eventually sent him into a red fury in which he cannibalized the squad leader before getting teleported back to Africa. His attempt to scout out the Kuat-Stardust Space Yard failed since it didn't physically exist, and as punishment the Elder Gods knocked off more SAN before he was CubeCannoned again. He again submitted to the madness, but the Great Old Ones had moved their attention elsewhere and he tried to find something to win it back, finding a cracked and rotting mask that he donned for intimidation. Frightening the locals for information, he went to a library; after failing to find a book to improve his social skills, and failing to find a book on black magic, he appealed to the Elder Gods for strength against the Gang of Four's fifth column, adding Ted Cruz to the boss list before provoking Communist China into shutting him up, at which point he was teleported back into the base and entered a duel with President George. After a series of reciprocal cock-ups, George fled the fight and put Chiang in his place, and during the ensuing duel Ailedhoo managed to steal his mini-nuke launcher. And here we are.

You feel you've gained solid insight into Ailedhoo's thinking and general strategy, gaining a +3 bonus to any action taken for or against him.

Frank Drebbin has arrived in Africa.
MartinLuther missed the call.
CubeCannon swaps mythmonster2 and the Circle of the Pitchmen!

 

[Omega124]

I take the highway to the danger zone: the white house

 

[Ailedhoo]

Now I am backed with nuclear weapons I deploy the Fat Man launcher and use it on George FOR THE ELDER GODS! EMBRACE YOUR END, MAY FLIES!

 

[JohannaK]

I assemble the Ultimate Spaceship on the ground (think USS Enterprise in nuTrek) to demonstrate its capabilities to those Washington fools!

 

[GenMarshall]

After mutual discussions between Frank Drebbin and I, we thought it was best to recruit any local militias to our side. Given my social handicap, I let Frank do all the talking where as I train the militia in preparation for our next move.

 

[CivCube]

Initiating search routines...
Input value: Gang of Four, Member.
Optimizing weapons tables...​

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I take the highway to the danger zone: the white house

5: Leaving your army behind, you bee-line for the District of Columbia... which is scrambled for war and has plenty of AA defences waiting.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (18): Evading enemy fire with the poise of a Russian ballerina (if Russian ballet dancers piloted attack jets), you clear the defensive perimeter and close on the White House. Everyone is so utterly baffled by this stunt that you gain a +3 bonus to your next attack.

Now I am backed with nuclear weapons I deploy the Fat Man launcher and use it on George FOR THE ELDER GODS! EMBRACE YOUR END, MAY FLIES!

5 (6): Struggling to arm the thing without clear instructions, you leave yourself vulnerable to Chiang's next attack to the tune of -1 defence.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (16): Panicking, you hurl the launch rail at his face, delivering 15 damage and stunning him for the next turn.

I assemble the Ultimate Spaceship on the ground (think USS Enterprise in nuTrek) to demonstrate its capabilities to those Washington fools!

12: You spend $78 to construct a scale model proof-of-concept for the final design. DoD approves the schematic, granting you an additional turn to organize the assembly line.

After mutual discussions between Frank Drebbin and I, we thought it was best to recruit any local militias to our side. Given my social handicap, I let Frank do all the talking where as I train the militia in preparation for our next move.

6: The GM does not understand for whom he's supposed to be rolling, and compromises by ignoring the action altogether.

Initiating search routines...
Input value: Gang of Four, Member.
Optimizing weapons tables...​

14 (20): Zeroing in on the nearest agent enemy agent, you blast through the front lines to engage
*roll*
8: General Chiang, Patron Saint of Armageddon!
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
5 (16): Still reeling from a metal bar to the face, he's powerless to even respond to your attack!
ROLL TO AGGRESS!
5 (11): Recalculating your combat range after having burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man, you nonetheless deliver an introductory burst from your TriBeretta for 12 damage.

CubeCannon swaps JohannaK and the Chinese Commandos!

 

[Ailedhoo]

If once you fail try again: attempt to use my atomic toy, the Fat Man launcher, on George, taking advantage of the notion that General Chiang will not be a threat this turn, thus allowing me to bring the Elder Gods' wroth upon the foolish George.

 

[GenMarshall]

I have Frank Drebbin recruit potential militiamen and mercenaries.

 

[JohannaK]

I demonstrate the mass driver systems to the DoD with a concept-of-proof satellite launch equipped with it.

 

[CivCube]

Downloading target data from biological source. Are you sure? (y)

Will delete target hard drive when done.​

 

[Omega124]

I fire an AGM-54 Phoenix Missile beyond visual range at the white house

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

If once you fail try again: attempt to use my atomic toy, the Fat Man launcher, on George, taking advantage of the notion that General Chiang will not be a threat this turn, thus allowing me to bring the Elder Gods' wroth upon the foolish George.

3 (1): That would require leaving the combat zone, and Chiang, though incapacitated, has not been defeated. But yeah, let's fire a short-range nuke we don't even know how to use, without line of sight, in a confined space, and see how well that works!
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (5): It bounces off the wall and detonates above you, burning you to a crisp.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (13): Evasion subroutines triggering just in time, CivCube takes shelter behind some protective rubble to avoid the main blast. He will, however, suffer damage from the fallout for the next 8 turns.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (17): Don't it just suck when the nuke boss is immune to radiation damage?

I have Frank Drebbin recruit potential militiamen and mercenaries.

11 (10): Throat locking up as you suffer a moment of fear, you fail to give the instruction.

I demonstrate the mass driver systems to the DoD with a concept-of-proof satellite launch equipped with it.

16: Borrowing the communal manpower of the Rhino Socialist Paradise (as well as $150 of your own cash), you assemble a set of demonstration boosters that perform to specs perfectly. DoD is satisfied that the propulsion system will meet target requirements, and affords you two more turns for development.

Downloading target data from biological source. Are you sure? (y)
Will delete target hard drive when done.​

15 (17): Punching into Chiang's chest, you manage to interface with his neural system and begin assimilation. Each turn he remains connected will drain 14 of his hitpoints and possibly transfer his stats to you. However, any damage inflicted outside of this process to either party may have unexpected effects.

I fire an AGM-54 Phoenix Missile beyond visual range at the white house

9 (12): This must be how Canada felt when it torched the place! In any event, it should make a coordinated military response that much harder.

CubeCannon swaps Samuel North and the Namibian Rebels!

 

[GenMarshall]

After hearing word that Alied blew himself up, Frank and I trek to a hut to recuperate.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Through the power of the Elder Gods I will be recreated as a eldritch demon of dark power as a reward for my rejection of sanity!

 

[Omega124]

Knowing that I struck the belly of the beast, my ego writes some checks my body can't cash

 

[JohannaK]

*cough* I develop the mass driver systems for orbital bombardment

 

[CivCube]

Engaging search routines for: Gang of Four.Member(2)

Standby for liftoff

Continue assimilation procedure

Ground control to Major Tom​

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

After hearing word that Alied blew himself up, Frank and I trek to a hut to recuperate.

10 (8): You have no clue where to find accommodation around here.

Through the power of the Elder Gods I will be recreated as a eldritch demon of dark power as a reward for my rejection of sanity!

5 (1): Reward? You? Your neverending parade of gaffes has made the Great Old Ones a laughingstock! There's only one possible use for a clown such as you: live bait. Brought back to life with 50 hitpoints and no healing bonus, you either kill everyone else in this round, or your soul will be cast into the Warp.

Knowing that I struck the belly of the beast, my ego writes some checks my body can't cash

13: Your overflowing self-confidence grants you a +1 bonus to all rolls into the next turn. Good thing, too, because local interceptors have finally scrambled.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (8): Battered by close-proximity blasts, you suffer 9 damage.

*cough* I develop the mass driver systems for orbital bombardment

5: Uh-oh, those damn dirty socialists with their "freedom of information" malarkey have leaked your plans to the Internet! Condemning your project as contravening international law against the weaponization of space, the United Nations slaps you with sanctions, suspending your paycheques from National Defense.

Engaging search routines for: Gang of Four.Member(2)
Standby for liftoff
Continue assimilation procedure
Ground control to Major Tom​

11 (12): Retrieving hoplitejoe's Horace Radar to scan for residue DNA signals, you track down President George hiding deeper in the base ruins.
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
7 (7): Encumbered as you are with the flailing and screaming General Chiang, George is given advance warning of your approach.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (4): George fires off four shots worth 29 damage, triggering a power surge! 7 of your hitpoints feed back into Chiang, and all integrated weapons are unusable for 2 turns! Meanwhile, Chiang struggles against your grip.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): His self-assertion during your vulnerable state siphons 5 hitpoints back to him.

CubeCannon swaps the Master and the Rebellious Prisoners!
The Rebellious Prisoners sight Ailedhoo! Desperate to not die first, they aggress!
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (11): Ailedhoo manages to hold his ground against the sudden assault.