Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

bloodeh 'eck, it should not take four months to colour a map

i do the best kick ever

3 (5): Delirious from the blood loss, you miss your mark and go skidding against the ground for 9 damage. George recovers from the assault and trains his gun on you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): "Nothing... personnel, kid..." he sneers as he shoots you dead.

You could not do it. You could not kill the King.

I get a property to develop my aeronautics company on.

20: Desperate to recover its prestige after the Mexican fiasco, National Defense bankrolls your project with the hope of developing invincible space battleships. You earn a per-turn $120 from corporate kickbacks.

Frank makes his way to the coast and applies for a job on a cruise liner that is destined for my current location.

8 (12): He gets a gig as a maid on a liner passing by the African coast, ETA 8 turns.

I write an autobiography about that time when I took on the UN and won.

14: It's a major hit with the radical Left, earning you revolutionary street cred and a healthy $322 in sales.

Read the book for any rites that I could conduct which may allow me to contact any entities, so that I may commence my path to bring the gods into this reality.

8: You're rather disappointed to find that Africans don't actually practice the sort of gory Satanic blood rituals you're looking for.

President George loots hoplitejoe's $701, 139 , nuclear launch codes, AK-47, and QBZ-95!

CivCube is declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps hendo and the HyenaGeneral!

!!!SUDDEN DEATH MODE ACTIVATE!!!​

Though hoplitejoe is dead, King George decides his plan for World Domination can no longer be delayed, and has declared WAR on the world! Each turn, hordes of Monarchists will attack a neighbouring country. You can help to slow the advance, but conquered territories can't be reclaimed; the only way to save the world is to stop the conspiracy at its source. Note that any player spotted in a conquered region may be attacked by a member of the "Gang of Four" not already in combat.

This round ends when all land is conquered/destroyed, or when the Gang of Four and any acquired allies are defeated, with final rankings determined on players' actions during the war.

Good luck, Commander.​

​

​

 

[Omega124]

Now that Trump is elected irl, I wait for rl go be synced to r2d life

 

[Ailedhoo]

Knowing the evil that is coming I seek to commune with the dark gods to gain the needed demonic legion to counter the one likely to be empowering King George, the nemesis of Cthulhu, demons and angels alike: the abomination known as Ted Cruz.

 

[JohannaK]

My company develops and launches SOL (Satellite Orbital Laser) 740 in association with the SoD and NASA

 

[hoplitejoe]

i reach out to the mystic Horace from the grave

 

[CivCube]

I REVEAL MY TRUE FORM

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Now that Trump is elected irl, I wait for rl go be synced to r2d life

14: In the wake of America making rasism and misogyny great again, refugee women flock to Namibia, boosting the economy and improving military readiness against the EKNC by one point. In unrelated news, South Sudan declares independence because it's 2016 and my map was old.

Knowing the evil that is coming I seek to commune with the dark gods to gain the needed demonic legion to counter the one likely to be empowering King George, the nemesis of Cthulhu, demons and angels alike: the abomination known as Ted Cruz.

5: Nice one, dunkass, you just added a fifth member to the rogues' gallery.

My company develops and launches SOL (Satellite Orbital Laser) 740 in association with the SoD and NASA

14: With only a humble $438, you deploy SOL 740, providing the United States and its overseas territories a +2 defence against EKNC aggression.

i reach out to the mystic Horace from the grave

18 (17): Channelling your spirit through the radar scanner, you're able to broadcast to Horace and inform him the garrison has moved on. He breaks out of the base and flees to the Soviet Union to help it prepare for the coming storm, raising its defence against the EKNC by five points.

I REVEAL MY TRUE FORM

17 (18): It's time to live up to your family name and face FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES! Absorbing your accumulated , you merge your arsenal into your cybernetics, transforming into the CUBE-BORG, a bad-ass mecha with hella combat stats whose sheer awesomeness also boosts the defence of whichever country you're in at the time. IT'S TIME TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLEGUM, and you have no gum in your inventory.

The Eternal Kingdom of New China attacks the People's Republic of China!
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: Its salient is a tactical blunder, raising PRC defences by 2 points for the next five turns.

CivGeneral is declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps Omega124 and the Libertarian Volunteer Corps!

​

 

[Ailedhoo]

Phone Chris Chapel of China Uncensored and recruit him my party: I am going to need his help to stop the global menace that is the gang of five!

 

[Double A]

I assume direct control of CivG's nation and invade my weakest neighbor

 

[Omega124]

As I am in America, I go to the UN and tell them to lift my sanctions so Namibia can fight these terrorists

 

[JohannaK]

I submit to augmentative surgery to stop bleeding, heal completely, and boost my stats.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I ask Horace to give my spirit the form of a Rhino so I can help him and the soviet union against the incoming threats.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Phone Chris Chapel of China Uncensored and recruit him my party: I am going to need his help to stop the global menace that is the gang of five!

8 (4): CCP members mulling about nearby hear you trying to collude with a Falun Gong associate and order a hit.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (7): A sniper bullet grazes your chest for 8 damage.

I assume direct control of CivG's nation and invade my weakest neighbor

1: CivGeneral has no nation in this round, and you charge headlong into a squad of Trump's militia, the Redhats, that promptly gun you down.

As I am in America, I go to the UN and tell them to lift my sanctions so Namibia can fight these terrorists

16 (18): With the entire world economic order disrupted by America's radical withdrawal from the globalist conspiracy, and in light of the coming world war, Western powers can no longer maintain the sanctions and agree to repeal the resolution. Manoeuvring Namibia into the nexus for an African syndicalist economic sphere, you increase state revenue by $27/turn.

I submit to augmentative surgery to stop bleeding, heal completely, and boost my stats.

6: You submit to an argumentative surgeon that a) works for profit, and b) doesn't actually have a license, managing to bungle something as simple as a stitch that worsens the blood loss by -3 hp/turn and charging you $38 for the privilege of his service.

I ask Horace to give my spirit the form of a Rhino so I can help him and the soviet union against the incoming threats.

5 (4): Unfortunately you've used up the last of your ethereal energy. They're on their own from here on in.

The EKNC tries to consolidate its toehold in Mongolia.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17: A blistering offensive sweeps through the southern country and places Ulaanbataar under siege.

CivCube is declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps Ailedhoo and Dhoomstriker's Pride!
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: Ailedhoo is cornered by President George, Patron Saint of LOLWAR!
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
3 (4): He's caught you completely flat-footed, earning a surprise attack!
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (11): You narrowly dodge his opening shot.

​

 

[Ailedhoo]

Pray for Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, to save me from the CCP!

 

[JohannaK]

I get the US government to provide me with their best medical treatment and heal once and for all!

 

[Omega124]

I return to my ancestral homeland of Albany, NY, and loudly start singing the internationale to radicalized the crowd

 

[GenMarshall]

I learn the ways of the force.

 

[Double A]

I am reborn from my phylactery and zombify the trumpets in revenge, aiming to force a science education on them.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Pray for Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, to save me from the CCP!

4: Completely ignoring the battle at hand to fanny about over a has-been threat half a world away, you leave yourself critically vulnerable to attack to the tune of -2 defence.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (14): The bullet ricochets off the concrete, bounces off a wall and skins George for 7 damage.

I get the US government to provide me with their best medical treatment and heal once and for all!

10: Nobody quite knows what you mean by "HUAAAAUGHFTHPBD"

I return to my ancestral homeland of Albany, NY, and loudly start singing the internationale to radicalized the crowd

1 (3): Well shoot, you arrive at the same time Emperor Trump is conducting a royal tour.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): The security detail promptly moves in on you. You manage to dodge most of the opening salvo, but get nicked by a few lucky shots for 4 damage.

I learn the ways of the force.

11 (8): Your paranoia prevents you from rallying the mental focus needed for such an undertaking.

The EKNC tries its luck against northern China again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (1): The assault is a complete disaster, permanently boosting Chinese preparedness by 3.

CubeCannon swaps hendo and the Construction Worker!

 

[Ailedhoo]

The time has gone: charge at George and eat the idiot's neck off!