Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Seon]

In more likelyhood they will bring it to you, skin you, wrap the bomb with your skin, and then fail to set it off.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I learn to use farts as air.

7: You manage to briefly filter the air for its usable components, but you quickly discover the surrounding soil is absorbing the flatus.

I call Brownie fairies for backup

17: Reinforcements are en route, ETA 3 turns. The fudge pixies volley again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15: You deflect some of the bullets back at your assailants, injuring one.

In and search for a Glock 86 plasma pistol in room.

18: You find an energy pistol lying conspicuously on the roof of a parked car.

I take a dirt nap.

10: It's rather difficult to fall asleep, given your current predicament.

I search for, perhaps from a street vendor, and subsequently don an uncursed Hawaiian shirt.

8: You find a shirt, but it's two sizes too small.

Angels are to intentionally detonate the nuke, while shielding the blast with their bodies.

7: The angels attempt a holding pattern, but fail to trigger the device.

I tell my soldiers to cover me while I look for box(es) of gernades.

1: You find a box. Upon picking it up, however, one of the grenades slips out and arms. You drop the box and everyone hits the dirt as they detonate; the soldiers are unharmed, the police scream bloody murder, and you take 13 damage.

I decide to get a job at Target.

8: You are conscripted as a Wal-Mart greeter for no pay.

mythmonster2 gives choxorn a bite of his sandwich as they ponder what to do next.

 

[kill fire]

I keep farting so that I may continue breathing

 

[choxorn]

I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!

(Attempt to break cuffs again)

 

[Seon]

I start throwing fireballs at Fudge Fairies

 

[tuxedohamm]

Angels attempt to detonate nuke again while I wait in a newly discovered Cold War bunker.

 

[Earthling]

Only a minor setback in my plan (and believe me, it's fiendishly circuitous). So, next:

I call upon the spirit of Amadeus Mozart to summon a magic flute.

 

[GenMarshall]

I search a dresser for a Combat Armor suit

 

[Omega124]

I grab the rest of the Gernades and distrubite them to my soldiers.

 

[mythmonster2]

I wake up from my self-induced trance and take choxorn to the police station.

 

[civplayah]

I get a promotion.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I keep farting so that I may continue breathing

15: You manage to sustain a usable gas supply for the next three turns.

I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!

18: The handcuffs are now bracelets, and you are free to use your hands.

I start throwing fireballs at Fudge Fairies

17: Two are incinerated. The rest run for cover.

Angels attempt to detonate nuke again while I wait in a newly discovered Cold War bunker.

16: The angels manage a premature detonation, and successfully contain the blast; however, two can no longer sustain their earthly presence, and return to the heavenly plane to recuperate.

I call upon the spirit of Amadeus Mozart to summon a magic flute.

15: And you do receive it.

I search a dresser for a Combat Armor suit

2: You enter an apartment and explore the dresser. The tenant is not happy to find you intruding.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: You are struck by a baseball bat for 11 damage.

I grab the rest of the Gernades and distrubite them to my soldiers.

20: You find another box miraculously unharmed. It contains frag grenades, flash-bangs, EMP bombs... just about every conceivable utility.

I wake up from my self-induced trance and take choxorn to the police station.

1: A freed choxorn throws you out of the truck. You take 19 damage as you strike the road.

I get a promotion.

17: You are now Executive Greeter, and receive a pay cheque of $8 per turn.

bestrfcplayer's delirium is growing worse (to -2 penalty).

 

[kill fire]

I summon a new nuke above ground with a 1 turn timer.

 

[choxorn]

I get in the driver's seat and drive the truck around, and try to destroy as many things as possible, by running them over.

 

[Abaddon]

I start getting involved in this game...

 

[Earthling]

OOC: Hope nobody minds small comments/flavor outside of actions? - I'll still be clear what the action is. Also, glad I warmed up the dice for the more crucial part.

So, to test out my skills with the newfound flute I perform a soft and fluid melody to earn some cash from passerby.

 

[GenMarshall]

I flee the apartment and try in vain to search for a combat armor in a dumpster.

 

[Omega124]

I tell my soldiers to open fire on the falled mythonster2, but I also tell them not to use their gernades yet.

 

[tuxedohamm]

Angels yell and act unruly as back-seat drivers.

 

[civplayah]

I pitch a sales idea to Wal-Mart (I don't care what it is). This idea is so brilliant, I become the new manager and win an Economic Victory.