Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

I ask for another job.

12: They embarked on a pretty hopeless mission anyway. You can do the dishes.

I hide until they check the cell and realise I'm not visible, then, lacking the intelligence to check inside the actual cell itself, they leave the door open and start searching the station for me, at which point I make my swift escape. And take the spoon with me, I may need it to eat ice cream, yoghurt or soup in the future.

14: Well, they don't check the cell, but that means they don't unlock it, either. But at least you have your spoon.

I ride my Girlfriend about the savannah (on her back )

15: You encounter landlubber.

I laugh maniacally, descending further into insanity, and insanely befriend a lion whom I believe to be the real life Neville Chamberlain.

1 (4): The lion styles himself after Clement Attlee.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: A swipe of his paw nationalizes 13 of your hitpoints.

I attempt to find a zebra.

4: You find a zebra... being devoured by lions.

I try to find a lady to comfort me.

9 (11): Does hoplitejoe's rhino count?

Sam and I return to Rebel HQ. (I'm probably not going to be able to fly to Hawaii in a few days for that last action)

14: Mission Accomplished, you're hailed as the unlikely hero. Let's see how fast the mighty America spirals into chaos...

I learn archery from the tribesmen

20: They impart the technique of hunting with a special sedative-laced dart that subdues prey without injuring it.

I speak to the animals and become a famous and rich vet!

10: Alas! No animals!

 

[Red_Spy]

I do the dishes.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Offer landlubber a lift to somewhere.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

My sanity slips further as I insanely stick my head in the lion's mouth, daring Attlee to either join me or to bite me and join me anyway.

 

[Verarde]

I count the lions.

 

[Skwink]

I convince the Leader of the Rebels that now is the time for a full scale attack!!!

 

[landlubber]

I caress the rhino.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

Using my skills as a sapper, I dig my way out of the base.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I ask my scientist to find the components of a GDR.

 

[hendo]

Curse you and your GM logic!

I call Dhoomstriker and ask him if he'll pay my bail.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

I call Dhoomstriker and ask him if he'll pay my bail.

Assuming that it won't affect my originally-stated action*, if his call gets through, then I will insanely mail in whatever I can get my hands on (Monopoly money, random pieces of paper, papyrus made from reeds in the savanna, whatever), firmly believing it to be actual money.

* If it will cancel my originally-stated action then I'll stick my originally-stated action for this turnset.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I do the dishes.

7: ARGH YOU BROKE A PLATE!

Offer landlubber a lift to somewhere.

2: You, um, accidentally crush his legs for 13 damage, leading to internal bleeding at a rate of -6 hp/turn.

My sanity slips further as I insanely stick my head in the lion's mouth, daring Attlee to either join me or to bite me and join me anyway.

6: Shouldn't have gone for the Thatcher approach. He glomps around your neck and starts dragging you off.

I count the lions.

12: One! One lion! Two! Two lions! Three! Three lions! Four! Four lions! Ah ah ah ah!

I convince the Leader of the Rebels that now is the time for a full scale attack!!!

7: He slaps you silly, for -3 hitpoints. They don't have the men for a full-on assault.

I caress the rhino.

8 (10): You try to take your mind off the pain, to no avail.

Using my skills as a sapper, I dig my way out of the base.

4: Damn, concrete floor.

I ask my scientist to find the components of a GDR.

16: He departs.

I call Dhoomstriker and ask him if he'll pay my bail.

17: Good thing you still have your cell phone! It's ringing...

 

[Verarde]

I shoot 5 rounds (to kill) at each lion that is devouring the zebra, taking care not to hit the zebra.

 

[hoplitejoe]

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!
I make a speedy escape.

 

[landlubber]

I work up the nerve to ask the rhino on a date.

 

[Skwink]

I ask what the leader what mission me and Sam need to complete now.

 

[Red_Spy]

I fix the plate.

 

[hendo]

Dhoomstriker answers the phone, and generously agrees to pay my bail, via a direct debit to the police, an action truly worth of his insanity since he's being dragged around by a lion at the time.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

With complete disregard for my safety, I allow Attlee to drag me around the savanna as part of a circus show, collecting sufficient funds to cover the cost of hendo's bail.

via a direct debit to the police

(It is a good thing that I have overdraft protection in case I can't raise the funds immediately.)

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find an armory.