Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[EnglishCrusader]

I use the disguise of my construction worker to get into a construction site and steal the crane.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

*sigh*, I heal myself to full health again

5: You erode four more hitpoints.

I take all the weapons in the store to the Rebel Leader.

8: That's more than you can carry.

I travel to the library that Dhoomstrider has found, and read a book about guns.

15 (16): Versing yourself in the intricacies of firearms, you gain a +1 bonus to rolls in gun maintenance.

I continue my search for a hyena den.

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!
ROLL TO DODGE!
10: You're grazed for 3 damage by a homing monitor.

I follow the confused soldiers back to Rebel Command. There must be a doctor who can give me a bionic upgrade.

17: As it so happens, they do have someone versed in cybernetics who, with a near-inexhaustible supply of First World electronic detritus, is able to fit you up with a mind-machine interface that boosts all your combat rolls by 2.

I jump off the mine in a direction that will best shield me from the blast.

3: Well, crap, it takes a nanosecond to trigger.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: You suffer 45 damage.

A librarian leads me to books about alien literature, philosophy, and culture, where I use my academia expertise to learn how to better communicate with aliens.

19 (20): YOU CAN TALK TO TEH ALIENZ!

GAH! Look for some sort of natural remedy.

10 (12): You manage to stymie the parasite's effect to -1 hp/turn.

I tell the soldiers all come back.

2: The cartels sense your weakness and press the attack!
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: You open fire, but you and North take 9 damage each.

I practice long and hard, using my endurance to build also my strength.

13 (14): You boost your endurance by 1 point.

I use the disguise of my construction worker to get into a construction site and steal the crane.

14: It's a small crane, but it's self-propelled.

Boundless suffers 15 damage for inactivity.

 

[Red_Spy]

Me and my men take the weapons back.

 

[CivCube]

Power! Power! I try to take out their sentry gun.

 

[landlubber]

I wait until night so I can go all werehyena and crush all the things that have oppressed me.

 

[Verarde]

Urgh. I attempt to heal.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using complex logical (academia-based) arguments, Attlee and I crazily convince one of the library's maintenance personnel to share her tools and expertise with us for use in an engineering construction project (maybe she has a soft spot for big cats?).

 

[mythmonster2]

Resume my hunt for animals.

 

[Skwink]

North and I return fire.

 

[Terrance888]

I befriend Tarzan and learn the ways of the jungle.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I sell my crane for money.

 

[hendo]

I use my powers of telepathy to learn the alien dialect that Dhoomstriker has taught himself.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Me and my men take the weapons back.

18: You return with the goods.

Power! Power! I try to take out their sentry gun.

5 (7): You really wanna get on their bad books so soon?

I wait until night so I can go all werehyena and crush all the things that have oppressed me.

4: SPLINTER IN THE FOOT!! Augh, that's 2 damage per turn!

Urgh. I attempt to heal.

13: You recover 12 hitpoints... somehow.

Using complex logical (academia-based) arguments, Attlee and I crazily convince one of the library's maintenance personnel to share her tools and expertise with us for use in an engineering construction project (maybe she has a soft spot for big cats?).

16 (18): You get some nails, a couple of boards of plywood, a whole bunch of Popsicle sticks, a few metal rods, and a roll of duct tape.

Resume my hunt for animals.

7 (9): Still nothin'.

North and I return fire.

10: Scattered 'em, but no casualties.

I befriend Tarzan and learn the ways of the jungle.

5: This is the savanna.

I sell my crane for money.

12: You get $750.

I use my endurance and my ability to speak to the animals to lead the best safari tours in the world.

11: It's a gimmick that attracts a crowd.

I use my powers of telepathy to learn the alien dialect that Dhoomstriker has taught himself.

6 (7): Except you're not telepathic.

 

[Red_Spy]

I call the USSR to see if they want to help the rebels.

 

[hendo]

I find a .50 cal Desert Eagle in the savanna because I'm a badass.

 

[landlubber]

I pray to the gods again, because that's the last good thing that happened.

 

[Verarde]

I attempt to find something worthy of my time.

 

[CivCube]

I tip my hat and say, "First-time user error. You know how it is." I ask for a owner's manual for my bionic limbs.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

The helpful maintenance woman leads Attlee and me to the library's observatory, where I crazily apply my Engineering expertise and some of my newfound supplies to reconfigure the observatory into an inter-stellar communications network.

 

[Terrance888]

I become the king of the Lions with my technology/