Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

Find a nice watering hole to jump into.

2 (2): You belly-flop into an empty basin, suffering 19 damage.

I ask the purveyor of firearms to hand over his inventory.

6: He cordially tells you to get bent.

Well, I'm out of ammo. I search for a new weapon.

7: The savanna is rather devoid of readily-accessible firearms.

I lead an attack on Mexico City.

9: Drat, the yacht sailed away.

I look around for a companion outside the gun shop.

15: You win a construction worker into your confidence.

I buy some minutes for my phone.

6: Nobody here's working for your provider.

I get my rhino to lick my wounds.

1 (2): She leans a little too far forward, and you're crushed for 19 damage, leading to internal bleeding at a rate of -7 hp/turn.

I cackle. You know, cause I'm a hyena.

9 (10): The only thing you have to fear is fear itself!

I find the boss of the Democrats

20: Joe Biden?! What's he doing here?

I gather my men and begin collecting protection money from rival tour groups.

8 (9): Your rag-tag group doesn't cut the most intimidating profile.

I grab a book on Engineering while Attlee paws through a Political Science book.

11: It's more an applied subject than academic, but you gain a cursory understanding.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Oh god.... GET HER TO LICK MY INSIDES!

 

[Verarde]

I search for a melee weapon.

 

[Red_Spy]

I put my Ak-47 to his head, and ask again.

 

[Skwink]

We walk to Mexico.

 

[mythmonster2]

Stand up and looks for a proper watering hole.

 

[hendo]

Drat. I wish that my dud lucky charm actually brought me luck.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I "Persuade" him to support me

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Oh god.... GET HER TO LICK MY INSIDES!

10: That'll probably make it worse before it's made better.

I search for a melee weapon.

1: You step on a land mine.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9: You keep steady pressure, but if you move, it'll detonate.

I put my Ak-47 to his head, and ask again.

8: He calls your bluff.

We walk to Mexico.

14: This... somehow works.

Stand up and looks for a proper watering hole.

19 (20): Next door. D'oy! A soak in the pool restores 20 hitpoints.

Drat. I wish that my dud lucky charm actually brought me luck.

17: If you believe in it, maybe it will! You gain a +1 bonus to all rolls.

I "Persuade" him to support me

2: America would be unwise to meddle in Congolese affairs, especially with the president's recent assassination. Perhaps a "gift" of twenty thousand dollars might "encourage" a future "friendship".

 

[hoplitejoe]

I will use my strength to pull my insides back to working order.

 

[Verarde]

I look around for a nearby area that I could safely jump to that would shield me from the blast.

 

[mythmonster2]

Look for animals near the watering hole.

 

[CivCube]

As I come to, I realize that I've been unconscious for...a while. Then I realize I'm either a headless torso or a quadriplegic.

If I haven't been rebooted in this round, I attempt to engage my parasympathetic nervous system.

Apologies for the inactivity

 

[Red_Spy]

I shoot one bullet into the air, and point the gun at his head and ask again.

 

[Skwink]

We attack Mexico City.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I rob 20,000$ from somewhere

 

[landlubber]

I look for a hyena den to join.

 

[hendo]

I propose an alliance with Dhoomstriker. Via telepathy.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I use my construction worker to build a tank... somehow.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I will use my strength to pull my insides back to working order.

19 (20): It's totally implausible, but you regain 50 hitpoints.

I look around for a nearby area that I could safely jump to that would shield me from the blast.

6: It'll detonate the moment your weight shifts.

Look for animals near the watering hole.

7 (9): It's oddly vacant.

As I come to, I realize that I've been unconscious for...a while. Then I realize I'm either a headless torso or a quadriplegic.

If I haven't been rebooted in this round, I attempt to engage my parasympathetic nervous system.

16: All systems functional.

I shoot one bullet into the air, and point the gun at his head and ask again.

10: D'oy! Forgot to disengage the safety.

We attack Mexico City.

20: In a nation torn apart by the drug cartels YOU will be the one to bring PEACE, FREEDOM, JUSTICE, and SECURITY to YOUR NEW EMPIRE!

I rob 20,000$ from somewhere

6: You don't have access to the party treasury.

I look for a hyena den to join.

7: You only find a troop of gnolls.

I propose an alliance with Dhoomstriker. Via telepathy.

5 (6): Hmm. Looks like you could use some training.

I use my construction worker to build a tank... somehow.

12 (14): He fabricates a very nice water tank.

My group practice being intimidating by holding up a bank

6: The plan falls to pieces at the moment of execution, and now you're fleeing the police.