Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[hoplitejoe]

I make my way to Tibet to ask monks of Horace's location.

 

[Ailedhoo]

18: You try so hard, you get a +1 bonus to perception rolls!
*roll*
5 (6): But all you see are some bandits that think you have fuel.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: You're kicked in the shin for 6 damage.

Attempt to steal a weapon the bandits may be carrying and use it against them.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Just to clairfy, I intend to attack Dhoomstriker and anyone else nearby.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Dhoomhammer

Seeing as people believe that I have the strength of a hammer, I engineer a medical healing device by driving nails outward through the arms of my Sunglasses of Awesome (which may even be sonic), to create an energy blast that heals myself and everyone in my immediate vicinity who is helping me to three times their normal maximum hitpoint (health) level.

 

[Seon]

I cyborgify myself in order to become immune to such trivial matters of the flesh.

 

[Terrance888]

I try to land on something soft near Dhoomhammer to help dampen the fall. Thanks buddy!

Heyoooooo

 

[GenMarshall]

I gather myself up and use the plants around me to heal myself back up to maximum hitpoint (health) level.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Little did anyone foresee that the Chosen One would descend upon California. They say war never changes, but apparently, somehow he skipped the whole apocalypse business. Thrilled by that, the CO does one and only thing he must do:

Find a casino, presumably with hookers and drugs.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Sorry this is late; I forgot I had a trip on the weekend and spent most of yesterday playing catch-up.

I try to land on Something soft near Dhoomhammer to help dampen the fall. Thanks buddy!

5: Unfortunately there is no 'Dhoomhammer' in this round, and you instead go crashing through a shed roof for 18 damage.

I head to the nearest store and nick some Tentacle Grape.

5: The shopkeeper catches you in the act.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1: He pummels you mercilessly for 23 damage, cracking two ribs that incur -2 to physical defence.

Hush, now. I was enacting powerful legislation with the moves of love. Now that the town has my back, I dance for no other reason than to put the jive back into politics.

CivCube iiiiiiiiiiiissssss...the MAYOR OF MOONWALK

in

DOO-WOP DEMOCRACY 2: BOOGIE BOOGALOO

9: Conducting your slick steps in the privacy of the mayoral office, nobody notices.

Due to my excellent relations with the Finnish people it should be easy to get the great Finnish rock band the Leningrad Cowboys to do a concert in my support.

5: Unfortunately as the game moderator sought to plug a link to them appearing in DYOS XI, he discovered ImageShack ate the comic, and as such, they have become trapped in dimensional limbo.

I daintly pose for a photo with a cute :3 face to garner international support.

5: Christospikune Twohundba's secret police catch wind of your seditious scheme and send a pack of thugs to shut you down/up.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (19): You handily dispatch the goons, further boosting your prestige and acquiring 3 police batons, 4 Makarov pistols, and a Level 4 security card in the process.

My metagaming senses are tingling! There's a large amount of unfriendlies converging on Dhoomstrikers position! Using a conviently located wormhole to AMERICA, I make my way to his location and fire at anyone in (Dhoom)striking range with hot death lazers. FOR DODGE!

1: The wormhole sucks you into the nigh-anarchic dystopia of America from The East is Red on AH.com.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: You duck and weave through the streets, evading the crossfire of the skirmish between racial minorities and the National Guard.

I eat NC

7: He is no longer in this reality.

I make my way to Tibet to ask monks of Horace's location.

7 (8): So far you've only made it to India.

Attempt to steal a weapon the bandits may be carrying and use it against them.

10: You fail your grapple check.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: You evade a set of vicious punches.

Seeing as people believe that I have the strength of a hammer, I engineer a medical healing device by driving nails outward through the arms of my Sunglasses of Awesome (which may even be sonic), to create an energy blast that heals myself and everyone in my immediate vicinity who is helping me to three times their normal maximum hitpoint (health) level.

4 (9): Even you have to admit this is a pretty harebrained scheme, and would probably incur the wrath of Dr. Hax.

I cyborgify myself in order to become immune to such trivial matters of the flesh.

2 (1): You start cutting yourself up and jam random metallic junk into your body. Surprisingly, this does not improve your physical fortitude: -16 hitpoints and ongoing 4 damage from blood loss/Tetanus/&c., though your gruesome appearance does yield a +2 bonus to intimidation rolls.

I gather myself up and use the plants around me to heal myself back up to maximum hitpoint (health) level.

12 (11): The game moderator takes such pity on you that he re-rolls no less than four times to give you a successful result. 20 hitpoints restored, and don't you dare say the dice are rigged against you again.

Little did anyone foresee that the Chosen One would descend upon California. They say war never changes, but apparently, somehow he skipped the whole apocalypse business. Thrilled by that, the CO does one and only thing he must do:

Find a casino, presumably with hookers and drugs.

10: You see grass and some trees and maybe an animal or two all around you.

Ion cannon strike on landlubber! How much more can he take?!

 

[gay_Aleks]

The Choosen One must find New Reno. Or the old Reno. Or just a city.

 

[Ailedhoo]

10: You fail your grapple check.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: You evade a set of vicious punches.

Prey to Manannán mac Lir for help.

 

[Omega124]

I do a victory dance as this plays

 

[GenMarshall]

I find a lucky gold 1 troy ounce bar.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

I apologise to Doctor Hax and to make amends, I volunteer at a local hospital and thereby earn the resources needed to heal myself, my nearby existing allies, and anyone nearby who is helping me.

 

[Kinich-Ahau]

I return to the Lesser Hentaibeast and inform it (him? her?) that my entire supply of Tentacle Grape was stolen from me on my way back, and point it (him? her?) in the direction of the shopkeeper, claiming that that was the theif.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I run screaming through the streets, crying manly tears while screaming "THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME" in an attempt to get myself back to the real world. I also thank the great god Thorvarld that he didn't send me to Draka-verse.

 

[Red_Spy]

I shall attempt to arrange a meeting with top Russian scientists to get these music legends out of limbo.

 

[Seon]

I try to intimidate some hospital people to fixing me good as new.

 

[SouthernKing]

I establish a divine snek empire

 

[Terrance888]

I'll help Dhoomstriker, as well as offering my regenerating tissue samples to further medical research/bribe them into healing us.

For Greater Mexico!