A tale about a wife, her husband... and making sandwiches.

[Ryika]

So this article was brought to my attention:

WHEN young Sydney mother Maddie asked her closed Facebook group of 26,186 mothers for some tasty alternatives to sandwiches for her husband’s lunches, she wasn’t expecting the backlash.

“I would love to hear what other mums make their hubbies for lunch and snacks throughout the work day,” she posted on Tuesday. “We are getting over sandwiches.”

Sounds pretty cute so far. A couple that cares for each other, a household that seems to be able to get by with only one bread-winner. Of course the hags - some would call them feminists, but I do not find that label to be accurate - came out and had a few nasty responses ready for her:

“Your husband is a grown up and you’re not his mother”, wrote one member of the North Shore Mums Facebook group.

“My husband can make his own damn lunch.”

“I make my husband the same thing he makes me. Nothing!!”

“Stuff that, hubby is a grown man. I already do his laundry and keep his children alive.”

“Our advice is to stop making his lunches.”

“My role is childcare during working hours and that’s it.”

“He’s lucky if I decide to make dinner some nights”.

“I was married for twenty years and my favourite packed lunch for my husband was called a Get it Yourself with a side order of I’m not your mother.”

“Nope, I didn’t sign up for that at the altar. But in the spirit of being helpful… pickled onion stuffed in mandarins.”

....ohhhh boy. Now, I'm not a family person at all, but that attitude is really annoying, and I couldn't IMAGINE to ever think like that about my boyfriend. So I was getting a bit angry to be honest, but thankfully, the article made the bad feelings go away pretty quickly, because she knew very well how to defend herself:

On Wednesday, Maddie, 22, switched off comments, but not before page administrators deleted the nastiest.

“I’m actually so devastated about some of these comments,” wrote Maddie.

She and her husband are saving up to buy their first home and, “he works in an extremely physically demanding job, he does housework, he cooks dinner every second night... He gets up in the middle of the night with our Bub. He is a champion.

“The least I can do is make him a bloody sandwich. I love my man, he deserves to eat lunch and we can’t afford to eat out.”

Sounds like her husband is indeed a champ - and she's one, too! I'm so glad to see a loving relationship of two people who work as a unit and want to build something great together.

People also joined in to defend her:

How did making a sandwich become a crime against women? Thankfully, for everything bad about social media there is an antidote, and an army of mums sprang to Maddie’s defence.

“Is it really a massive issue if Maddie wants to make her husband lunch?!?”

“Wow, so much hostility here... Surely nice actions like these get reciprocated in happy marriages.”

“Good on you! My husband is a builder, and his job is so physical, and he is so hands on at home! It’s the least I can do.”

“I never know why these posts always turn into a husband bashing.”

“I think it’s pretty crappy to assume someone is a slave or 1950s housewife for making lunch. Feminism is about choice.”

“All I can say is some women really must resent their husbands by their responses. Looking after your partner is the way to a happy marriage.”

“I’m so confused by the negativity on this post. I love making my hubby lunch… He does so much for us as a family and for my girls I see nothing wrong with wanting to look after your husband!!”

“If I can help in some small part to make his day easier, I will. His hours are ridiculous and if me doing this means he gets to hang out with our son more I am all for it!”

“He does so much for me and the kids. Making two sandwiches a day doesn’t put us in the dark ages.”

“Marriage is a partnership. If only more think like that there will be a lot less divorces in this world.”

Now THOSE are some actual feminists if you asked me.

But yeah. I don't know if Maddie found new things she can make her husband for lunch, but it seems the story has a general happy ending. At least from my perspective.

So, what's your take?
- Is she in a loving relationship, or is she being abused by a husband who wants her to make all the sandwiches and is keeping her from having a career?
- Do the people who tell her that she should not make sandwiches for her husband have a point, or is it just a misguided interpretation of equality? Can these people even be in a loving relationship?
- Did she make life choices that you find reasonable, or should she not take the role of the support character while her husband gets all the experience out on the job market?

 

[civvver]

So, what's your take?
- Is she in a loving relationship, or is she being abused by a husband who wants her to make all the sandwiches and is keeping her from having a career?
- Do the people who tell her that she should not make sandwiches for her husband have a point, or is it just a misguided interpretation of equality? Can these people even be in a loving relationship?
- Did she make life choices that you find reasonable, or should she not take the role of the support character while her husband gets all the experience out on the job market?

That's incredibly disturbing and really the huge issue with social media, everyone turns into nasty people on it.

- Is she in a loving relationship, or is she being abused by a husband who wants her to make all the sandwiches and is keeping her from having a career?
No to the second part, let her do what she wants. How the heck is it abuse to choose to do something nice for someone? That's the problem with society in general, people are super selfish. That's why divorce rates are so high, they just see what can I get out of a marriage when marriage is really about what you put into it.

- Do the people who tell her that she should not make sandwiches for her husband have a point, or is it just a misguided interpretation of equality? Can these people even be in a loving relationship?
The ones who aren't in relationships yet I really question if they can be in a healthy one, at best it's not going to reach it's full potential. Like I said above if you view everything as what can I get out of this, if you view every relationship that way you will not have good ones. But people can change of course, experience teaches you things.

For the ones already married, they are probably just projecting their issues onto this poor person. Like the one quote who said I make what he makes for me- nothing, that sounds like she is very dissatisfied with her husband's contributions to their household/relationship/whatever. She needs to communicate this to her husband instead of ranting on facebook.

- Did she make life choices that you find reasonable, or should she not take the role of the support character while her husband gets all the experience out on the job market?
That's really none of our business, each couple can define their marriage however they want. Of course I think what she's doing is fine, but I'd also think it's fine if the husband stayed home with kids or whatever and wife worked, or both worked, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you agree on your family structure and roles and each person is satisfied with them and trying to give as much as possible to make it work for both parties.

Really there's nothing to see here, just a lot of people projecting their own issues with their marriages on facebook. Men do the same thing as well, this story could easily be reversed.

 

[Disgustipated]

I'm uncomfortable with a woman making me food. I would never want that, but i'm okay with it if she's making food for both of us (and I like to help or at least do the dishes). Of course I mostly eat at work anyways, so it's not like I need to make my own food very much either. Only time it's much appreciated is when I'm sick.

 

[civvver]

I'm uncomfortable with a woman making me food. I would never want that, but i'm okay with it if she's making food for both of us (and I like to help or at least do the dishes). Of course I mostly eat at work anyways, so it's not like I need to make my own food very much either. Only time it's much appreciated is when I'm sick.

Yeah but that's your personal preference. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong either way.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

If she wants to make him sandwiches (or whatever) and he appreciates her efforts, no problem.

If he orders her to make him sandwiches and doesn't appreciate her efforts, that's a problem. If he slaps her around if the sandwiches aren't perfect, she needs to find the number and address of the nearest women's shelter.

It sounds like the woman in this instance falls into the first category, and her detractors should re-examine their own marriages.

 

[GoodSarmatian]

Social media (particularly Facebook and Twitter) are cesspools of stupidity and a cancer on Western Civilization that brings out the worst in people.
On both sides ! On many, many sides !
"Liberals" (or whatever they would call themselves) that get outraged over sandwiches are a mirror image of those other people who get unreasonably angry when a new Star Trek show has a black female protagonist (#WhiteGenocide)
Everyone needs to calm the F down.
They're both tiny but depressingly vocal minorities and should be ridiculed and shamed at every opportunity until they crawl back under the rocks where they belong.

 

[metatron]

Social media
[...]
(#WhiteGenocide)

So for the most part, when the alt right gets called on their nonsense the most common approach seems to be to claim self-irony.

A move they have obviously stolen from our old friends the social justice "feminists".
Many of the latter have upgraded to "White Tears" mechandise by now btw.
It's allmost as if these people were enabling each other...

They [...] should be ridiculed and shamed at every opportunity until they crawl back under the rocks where they belong.

Glad you agree.

 

[Traitorfish]

I don't think this is about feminists or social media or anything so much as the perfectly ordinary human habit of seeing somebody else doing something and thinking "How can I make this about me?".

Most people understand when something is not for them. Some don't. Ideology is a factor insofar as it informs the rhetorical conventions of the petulant whining; the whining itself is just an expression of dissatisfaction that other people have different habits or expectations or priorities, which is to say, that other people exist.

The same is true of most of the counter-responses, by the way, they just found a more defensible high-ground.

 

[Narz]

Having a gf who makes me food is pretty sweet.

Couples should be nurturing towards each other. I feel bad for the angry ladies who think it's shameful to do nice things like make lunch (they probably have awful sex lives)

 

[Lemon Merchant]

I wonder what these awful nasty ladies would say if it were me making a sandwich for my wife? If I were married right now it would certainly be possible for me to be making sandwiches.

Why do I have the suspicion that there would be no problem from the feminist camp if I were to do this? (And the first person to say that it's because all feminists are man-hating lesbians gets smacked in the head and reported.)

The woman should be able to make sandwiches for her man if she wants to. It seems to be an act of love. What's wrong with that?

But why do I have the nagging thought that the Facebook nay-sayers would give me a pass? Hmmm. Double standard?

Why does this make me angry? Hmmmmm...

 

[FriendlyFire]

Lunch is left overs from dinner ?
Sandwiches are easy enough to smash out anyways, you can make an easy ham + cheese + Vegemite, then a peanut butter and Jam within a few minutes

 

[Robo-Star]

So, what's your take?

I think part of the backlash was against mums generally being expected to make their hubbies' lunch and snacks throughout the workday; "I would love to hear what other mums who make their hubbies' lunch and snacks throughout the workday make" might have gone down better.

 

[yung.carl.jung]

We really, really needed another thread like this. Thank you, Valessa. Now that our resident race realist has stopped posting daily Breitbart articles we're now graced by your semi-daily regurgency of soccer mom yellow press for alarmist conservatives.

I honestly cannot imagine what my future life would be like without knowing about this facebook drama, thank you for bringing it to my attention.

 

[Ryika]

Why do I have the suspicion that there would be no problem from the feminist camp if I were to do this? (And the first person to say that it's because all feminists are man-hating lesbians gets smacked in the head and reported.)

The woman should be able to make sandwiches for her man if she wants to. It seems to be an act of love. What's wrong with that?

I think it is mostly because stupid and self-absorbed people can't appreciate the difference between wanting to do something good for someone, and being expected to do it because of societal norms. "Leaving the kitchen behind" does of course have a lot of symbolic meaning, but in a world where "Go to the kitchen and make me some sandwiches, wife." is probably said ironically - or as part of weird sex fetishes - more often than it is meant as a serious inquiry, this vigilance against anything that could be conceived as supporting "traditional gender roles" seems to be misplaced.

I think part of the backlash was against mums generally being expected to make their hubbies' lunch and snacks throughout the workday; "I would love to hear what other mums who make their hubbies' lunch and snacks throughout the workday make" might have gone down better.

That's true, there is a bit of a taken-for-grantedness in the way she phrased her question, but I don't think it warranted the kind of responses she got.

We really, really needed another thread like this. Thank you, Valessa. Now that our resident race realist has stopped posting daily Breitbart articles we're now graced by your semi-daily regurgency of soccer mom yellow press for alarmist conservatives.

I honestly cannot imagine what my future life would be like without knowing about this facebook drama, thank you for bringing it to my attention.

I'm glad you like it, and I appreciate your encouragement. I realize this is a bit of a strange world for older people, but I'm happy to hear that you're open to hearing about worlds that you would normally not enter. I'll keep my eyes open and make sure to notify you if I find more interesting things like this.

 

[Synobun]

Moderator Action: Like most optional things in life, one is not required to read what they do not wish to. This philosophy also applies to threads on CFC.

 

[Arent11]

So, what's your take?
- Is she in a loving relationship, or is she being abused by a husband who wants her to make all the sandwiches and is keeping her from having a career?
- Do the people who tell her that she should not make sandwiches for her husband have a point, or is it just a misguided interpretation of equality? Can these people even be in a loving relationship?
- Did she make life choices that you find reasonable, or should she not take the role of the support character while her husband gets all the experience out on the job market?

In an ideal world, both spouses would make half a sandwich, work half time, raise half of a child & have half of a pregnancy.

Since that doesn't work, we have something that is called a "marriage" that is, if you look closely, a contract that tries to justly distribute the work that is involved in raising children. Since men can not become pregnant, women are usually entitled to some kind of dowry or aliment. & making sandwiches, changing tires or raising children has also to be done by someone & the other has to provide some sort of compensation.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

If you are looking for an answer to a question on the Internet, and you end up on a site where a community was asked (but a loose community without (much of) a history, not like our cozy OT community), chances are that at least one person will have nothing to contribute but instead asks why you would even ask that or criticize you for asking it in some manner. I have noticed this long ago (and screamed in frustration when I really needed an answer).
Taitorfish gave a nice description of that phenomena.

But honestly, hating a movie for a female lead or whatever still seems more sensible to me than hating a wife wanting to make her husband something for lunch. After all, the former actually is or can be a conscious move in the spirit of a political/cultural agenda, you know.
The later is making your spouse food.
I do think the naturally extreme mushy and at the same time one-dimensional nature of modern feminism does invite those of its supporters with too much enthusiasm and way too less ability or willingness to soberly reflect to be a very special kind of stupid.
Or maybe their stupid is more offending to me because the intellectual bottom of the far-right is all about grand conspiracy theories and it is impossible to take that seriously and at times actually pretty entertaining.

 

[Archon_Wing]

My take is that people have too much free time on their hands and don't have lives, so they need to intrude on other people's lives.

Basically, in most cases when someone throws into a vindictive stance about nothing, it's almost certain the problem is with them.

 

[Ferocitus]

They know only a tiny fraction of the whole relationship, assume the worst
for the unknown portion and, of course, that the unknown part would conclusively
support their position. Hopeless.

ProTip: No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 

[Perfection]

ProTip: No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Even men doing it the wrong way?