[RD] Ask a Schizoaffective.

Good to hear on the good parts!

Most stimulants are dopamine releasers. Loosely speaking ritalin is the dopamine version of an ssri and very loosely speaking adderall/dexedrine is the dopamine version of mdma. In other words they increase the amount of dopamine you have running around your brain.

And I always thought anti-psychotic medicine blocks dopamine... what do I know? :p

I've been maybe more focused with this new medicine but I'm also very depressed. I've been waking up earlier recently (like 5 AM instead of 11 AM) and I feel very bad about myself. Some girl I've been chatting with for over a year online I quit talking to yesterday. She constantly criticizes me and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I said maybe we shouldn't be friends as she said "that's fine, you annoy the **** out of me anyway" and that she would "probably hit me in real life"

She's just one example, but I've dealt with way, way too many people like that. Besides this, my new medicine (I'm guessing) allows me to be more self aware and self critical, so I'm able to see there's some truth to what these people are saying and that's what really hurts.

I don't want to never have a job, and I want to graduate from college. I used to want to be rich and famous but I no longer do. I just want to have a normal life and maybe get married some day. I want to be able to live on my own.
 
I've been maybe more focused with this new medicine but I'm also very depressed. I've been waking up earlier recently (like 5 AM instead of 11 AM) and I feel very bad about myself. Some girl I've been chatting with for over a year online I quit talking to yesterday. She constantly criticizes me and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I said maybe we shouldn't be friends as she said "that's fine, you annoy the **** out of me anyway" and that she would "probably hit me in real life"

She's just one example, but I've dealt with way, way too many people like that. Besides this, my new medicine (I'm guessing) allows me to be more self aware and self critical, so I'm able to see there's some truth to what these people are saying and that's what really hurts.

I don't want to never have a job, and I want to graduate from college. I used to want to be rich and famous but I no longer do. I just want to have a normal life and maybe get married some day. I want to be able to live on my own.

Couple things...

Why on earth would you continue an electronic relationship with someone who, based on your statement above, is abusive? That's not healthy. Remote relationships are de facto opt-in. Meaning, you get what you want from them, if someone starts being a jerk to you and it's causing problems then you need to shut it down. There's no positive benefit from prolonging something like that.

As for self-criticism, please Oh Please don't take anything that electronic acquaintances (myself included!) say about you to be an accurate reflection of your real self. We can only know you through your keystrokes. Keystrokes are physical manifestations of a linguistic urge, frequently confounding emotional and subtextual communicative content.

In other words, Don't Listen To People On The Internet!!!

Myself Included!
 
And I always thought anti-psychotic medicine blocks dopamine... what do I know? :p

I've been maybe more focused with this new medicine but I'm also very depressed. I've been waking up earlier recently (like 5 AM instead of 11 AM) and I feel very bad about myself. Some girl I've been chatting with for over a year online I quit talking to yesterday. She constantly criticizes me and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I said maybe we shouldn't be friends as she said "that's fine, you annoy the **** out of me anyway" and that she would "probably hit me in real life"

She's just one example, but I've dealt with way, way too many people like that. Besides this, my new medicine (I'm guessing) allows me to be more self aware and self critical, so I'm able to see there's some truth to what these people are saying and that's what really hurts.

I don't want to never have a job, and I want to graduate from college. I used to want to be rich and famous but I no longer do. I just want to have a normal life and maybe get married some day. I want to be able to live on my own.
I proffer that I think your new medicine is giving you the ability to take charge of things you were avoiding given the amount of energy you had vs. the energy. Now you have the energy and your brain and body are determined to get to the next level of living, but it's requiring that you break the chains that bind you. Breaking chains means getting chafed, bruised, pulled muscles, and the dungeon guard that brings you food is now trying to fight you. So it's gonna suck, but it won't remain sucking.

When I went from sickness to health in different circumstances, I had managed to piece together a pretty happy existence while sick. But once I got the health I always wanted, I got upset, angry, frustrated at all the things my condition had prevented and how my life had been. It took a few years to get the full happiness back, but it was worth it.

And yeah, Anti-psychotics do block dopamine. Stimulants do effectively the opposite. I'm not sure they inherently battle it out though.
 
Couple things...

Why on earth would you continue an electronic relationship with someone who, based on your statement above, is abusive? That's not healthy. Remote relationships are de facto opt-in. Meaning, you get what you want from them, if someone starts being a jerk to you and it's causing problems then you need to shut it down. There's no positive benefit from prolonging something like that.

As for self-criticism, please Oh Please don't take anything that electronic acquaintances (myself included!) say about you to be an accurate reflection of your real self. We can only know you through your keystrokes. Keystrokes are physical manifestations of a linguistic urge, frequently confounding emotional and subtextual communicative content.

In other words, Don't Listen To People On The Internet!!!

Myself Included!

Thanks. The reason it hurts is because I thought maybe she's right (that i'm an idiot, etc etc) but now I'm beginning to think maybe not. I actually can handle some criticism, just not on a constant basis (as she gave me). We chatted through aim for about a year all the time but yesterday I had to call it off. She actually has made some good points in her critiques of me but she just does it too often. Nobody can be perfect, and I am a human with flaws. I rarely if ever criticized her, even if I disagreed with her. I'm just looking now to make friends with less confrontational people.

I proffer that I think your new medicine is giving you the ability to take charge of things you were avoiding given the amount of energy you had vs. the energy. Now you have the energy and your brain and body are determined to get to the next level of living, but it's requiring that you break the chains that bind you. Breaking chains means getting chafed, bruised, pulled muscles, and the dungeon guard that brings you food is now trying to fight you. So it's gonna suck, but it won't remain sucking.

When I went from sickness to health in different circumstances, I had managed to piece together a pretty happy existence while sick. But once I got the health I always wanted, I got upset, angry, frustrated at all the things my condition had prevented and how my life had been. It took a few years to get the full happiness back, but it was worth it.

And yeah, Anti-psychotics do block dopamine. Stimulants do effectively the opposite. I'm not sure they inherently battle it out though.

Thanks, hearing this helps. :)

I had a really bad day today (only partially because of remembering what happened yesterday) but I have to believe it will indeed get better. I saw one of my old professors that knew about my condition today, and she said I seem to be functioning a lot better (she said she could tell just by talking with me) than I was two years ago as her student. I hope she's right.

I'm feeling really, really down right now but I think maybe things will get better.
 
Are you sometimes dangerous? Do you imagine conspiracies and act on them (serious question; I lived with someone who did these things)?
 
:hatsoff:, caketastydelish.

Thanks for opening a really interesting thread.

Subscribed.
 
Are you sometimes dangerous? Do you imagine conspiracies and act on them (serious question; I lived with someone who did these things)?

Oh I wouldn't say that, but sometimes I do get angry at people and want violent vigilante justice. I'm trying to work on that. Lately I've been better. Not a believer in conspiracy theories though, not at all.

edit: great program on KETR (PBS for Dallas, Texas) right now mental illness and the stigma that goes with it.
 
Oh I wouldn't say that, but sometimes I do get angry at people and want violent vigilante justice. I'm trying to work on that. Lately I've been better. Not a believer in conspiracy theories though, not at all.

edit: great program on KETR (PBS for Dallas, Texas) right now mental illness and the stigma that goes with it.

I'm also diagnozed Schizoaffective. Diagnosed since age 25. I'm now 45. This is particularly an interesting topic to me as well, how mental illness is often associated with violence and other anti-social behavior.

I think there are obviously such things as mentally ill people who are violent and I also think there are such things as "normal" people who are violent. I don't like the association with "mental illness" that any and all criminal behavior is a sign of "mental illness". I believe in free will for the most part and "normal" people (people who don't suffer hallucinations or dellusions, etc) can make bad choices too. Quite frankly, when I'm having one of my episodes of mental illness I usually become paralyzed with fear, quite the opposite of violence. So it does make me angry when I see psychologists trying to psychologize crime as an "illness". It reminds me of how psychologists of the early 19th century tried to define run away slaves as having a kind of "mental illness".

Sometimes psychologists tend to over do it, lumping everyone into the same category. I guess it makes for more job security and an ability to expand one's sphere of influence the more psychologists try to apply psychiatric medicine to ordinary human activities. "Normal" people can get depressed too when things aren't going well and it's not the same as "clinical depression" although anti-depressant drugs can treat any and all kinds of depression just by messing with the brain's chemistry. Read some of Michel Foucault's writings, especially "Madness and Civilization" if you want a good perspective on how psychology has sometimes abused it's Raison d'être.

EDIT: Thanks caketasydelish, for creating this red diamond thread. I hope it's ok for me to chime in here. :)
 
With the permission of Atticus (a mod on this site) I'm bumping this in case anybody else wants to ask a question.

Thank you for your input Gary Childress. :)

If anybody wants an update on my life:

I'm working on a Networking (computer networking, that is) associate degree starting this semester, and I've done well so far, and I'm also working to get certified with Cisco.

I really hope I can find a job with this stuff because I've always wanted to work (even with entry level unskilled minimum wage jobs the employers won't even talk to me) and I'm surprised that I seem to be grasping the material pretty easily. My grandpa who used to work for IBM when he was much younger always recommended that I do something with computers/technology and I ignored him, but now I see he's right.

Hopefully this Networking stuff really is a needed skill so I'll actually be employed one day. Maybe eventually I can even live on my own...

If I had to guess I'd say the average age of the typical student in my computer classes is 33ish, and these are (presumably) people with no mental illness at all, yet I'm doing just as well as them, and I'm starting at a much younger age.

At the moment, things are looking hopeful. :)

As some of you know, I turned 22 two days ago (September 3).
 
Get your bachelor degree, that's much better.

On the psychotic issue, I read about "Mad in America" where it criticized the widespread usage of psychotic drugs. He quoted the 1979 WHO follow up study of schizophrenia, that poor countries where patients cannot afford medication recovers better than developed country patients who depend on drug. There's another article about that in Link.

Edit: I also want to quote this line from "Girl, Interrupted": Treating the brain vs. treating the mind. Meds only alter the brain chemistry, while the cognitional integrity is deeper than that.
 
Sorry, but I really need this cisco/ networking stuff. When I go back to the university I'll want to dual major in English (which I'm more than halfway done with) and Computer Science anyway, and I'm guessing some of the stuff I'm learning now will at the very least make some of those classes much easier.

In other news I *finally* got an interview for an actual job today. She did I did fine but I'm not sure. I hope I really get the job though. I'm not proud that the job in question is Burger King, but a job is a job.
 
Can I ask about your experience of delusions? Also I am ignorant on this topic so excuse me if I appear rude, it is not my intent!

How real are the delusions to you; are they indistinguishable from reality or are you aware on some level that they may not be "real". (I don't know if this is an appropriate comparison but I have experimented with drugs and experienced highly anxious and slightly paranoid episodes. When experiencing them I reasoned that it was just the drugs and I was perfectly safe and I did believe that, but I was still bombarded with feelings of anxiety and paranoia even though I knew they weren't "real").

You mentioned that you believed the CIA were reading your thoughts; how did you get away from this delusion? Too what extent can you be reasoned out of a delusion?

Personally, I'm fascinated with the topic of delusions. You said you had a delusion as a child of a wolf in your room. Again, did you actually believe there was a wolf there or (like my drug experience) did your logical part of you brain reason that it couldn't possibly be there, but nonetheless it appears so real that you are still terrified.

Thanks for your time.
 
Can I ask about your experience of delusions? Also I am ignorant on this topic so excuse me if I appear rude, it is not my intent!

How real are the delusions to you; are they indistinguishable from reality or are you aware on some level that they may not be "real". (I don't know if this is an appropriate comparison but I have experimented with drugs and experienced highly anxious and slightly paranoid episodes. When experiencing them I reasoned that it was just the drugs and I was perfectly safe and I did believe that, but I was still bombarded with feelings of anxiety and paranoia even though I knew they weren't "real").

You mentioned that you believed the CIA were reading your thoughts; how did you get away from this delusion? Too what extent can you be reasoned out of a delusion?

Personally, I'm fascinated with the topic of delusions. You said you had a delusion as a child of a wolf in your room. Again, did you actually believe there was a wolf there or (like my drug experience) did your logical part of you brain reason that it couldn't possibly be there, but nonetheless it appears so real that you are still terrified.

Thanks for your time.

Well, one critical difference was as a child my stress was mostly external whereas now it is mostly internal (as weird as that sounds).

My father was supposed to sell our house so we could move (he never did the entire year) so I was living with my mother and grandparents, only seeing him on the weekends.

I had to wake up very early every morning and drive 60 miles to where my mom taught and she sent me to a daycare (a very rough one where some of the other older kids actually beat me up) and I was there for 8 hours a day, far longer than I should have been there.

Then the miserable day ended with us driving 60 miles back.

This could have had something to do with it, I would like to think. But no, at the time I literally believed a wolf was there. I was only 4 years old.

Now my delusions are different because the stress is mostly internal.
 
updating this. I went to texas workforce some time ago and they eventually helped me get a psychological evaluation, and with this they will either send me back to college telling me what degree I should get (and they'll pay for it) or simply they will get me a job.

The psych evaluation was yesterday, and it took five hours. He said I had one of the highest scores he'd ever seen with numbers (meaning problems/work that involves numbers/math), and I function much higher than most people with my illness.

I am very lonely though.
 
From what I've learned chatting with and observing the emigration crowd, people in America are really crazy about medication such as anti-depressants and overuse them massively. What they show in movies and other media proves it as some destinctive cultural feature. Many people who emigrate go mentally ill and troubled, in proportions which are scary and seem abnormal; they use drugs a lot. In my opinion Americans rely on medication too much, much more than needed or – more importantly – safe.

The science of soul itself seems to be overly self-righteous and biased. As a psychiatrist, I once watched on YouTube, said – something like:

A healthy human being shows diverse reactions and behaviours, human soul is infinite. Disease, on the other hand, is when reactions are limited and one-sided. There are billions of us. What is a norm? It is non-existent. And when we enforce it, we force limited one-sided behaviour on an invidividual, thus making him ill.

What I like about Christianity (being an atheist) is this concept of free will. No matter what, you make choices and your own soul is yours and only yours domain. Even god himself has no power over it. Somehow, soul scientists decided they have this power while you – most amusing – have not. Maybe they do not assert it directly, but their science and industry (the right word for modern medicine) work exactly like if this assertion was made. And they deform our mentality so that even our guts distinct "scientifical" crazy from "scientifical" norm.

Brain is highly adaptable and reactive structure. For example, if you drink a spirit for the first time in your life you get drunk easily. The more you drink over your life the more difficult it is to get drunk. Surely they have a scientific explanation for it which lies in chemistry. But brain is all about overcoming chemistry and physical laws altogether. When you have consumed enough alcohol in your life, even in intoxicated state you will retain crucial mental capabilities, compared to an alcohol newbie. All said is true for any thinkable affect, even sex. There are even cases when individuals who got serious head injuries are able to recover some or all of the lost functions through different parts of their brain. Brain is the apogee of Life's tendency known as homeostasis.

You do not need to be a rocket scientist (or a paranoid schizophrenic like myself) to see that there's a natural interest for a medical industry to staff patients with medication making them dependable on it. Instead of a treatment which really solves the problem. And what's that? The thing which changes you not just affects you. Although, I am sure (from what I know) there are non-medical practices also which work the same way as medication: only affect you and make you dependable.

Your soul is no leg. Your leg is just an object. Whether it is broken or not is easily recognizable, and there's a well-defined procedure on healing it. Your soul is an absolute subject. So there are no defined procedures or recognitions about it at all. Actually, your soul is the instrument and source of any procedure or recognition. You are equal in that to any other soul out there, be it expert's or not. And when it comes to your own soul, you are the only expert. Just recollect this fact from your intrinsic birth knowledge. The only key to your soul is you yourself. Never delegate the authority over your soul to somebody else, because you risk to give up away part of that what makes you human (such giving up is also where inferiority complex comes from).

Not only your "mental arms" are the only tool really capable to manipulate your soul, they are much much longer and dexterous than the society or doctors make you think.

Many of the problems of modern humans come from concentrating on insignificant things. This is a luxury. We are so well settled in the world in this age that we do not need to trouble ourselves with survival, basic health or comfort, they are all there already, and so we have time and opportunity to be gays, fat or to go schizophrenic. We trouble ourselves with tiny little things and hyperbolize them so that sometimes they become a real problem. We live an artificial life not in accordance to our bodies as they are by nature. But there's still homeostasis and our bodies struggle for it and suffer chronicly from unavailability of natural stances. I am sure many of those psyche diseases originate from this and are not diseases at all but symptoms and consequences of this lack of naturality. So the real treatment (plus to being the authority over your own soul, because it's only you to decide whether your soul has problems or not) here should be putting more nature into your life: from hard physical work to literally being in nature. And change of environment.
 
Fortunately we study the effects of drugs and are able to take wild guesses that bear out pretty often.

You used alcohol as an example, a much stronger mood altering, body changing drug than most psychiatric drugs, saying people could regain cognition lost by intoxication. So how about drugs that seem to improve function (like caffeine hey, another strong addictive mood altering drug) or produce utility-positive results as measured?

It seems to me we have a good way of understanding if it's worthwhile either by studied (not just philosophizing) intuition.
 
From what I've learned chatting with and observing the emigration crowd, people in America are really crazy about medication such as anti-depressants and overuse them massively. What they show in movies and other media proves it as some destinctive cultural feature. Many people who emigrate go mentally ill and troubled, in proportions which are scary and seem abnormal; they use drugs a lot. In my opinion Americans rely on medication too much, much more than needed or – more importantly – safe.

The science of soul itself seems to be overly self-righteous and biased. As a psychiatrist, I once watched on YouTube, said – something like:

A healthy human being shows diverse reactions and behaviours, human soul is infinite. Disease, on the other hand, is when reactions are limited and one-sided. There are billions of us. What is a norm? It is non-existent. And when we enforce it, we force limited one-sided behaviour on an invidividual, thus making him ill.

What I like about Christianity (being an atheist) is this concept of free will. No matter what, you make choices and your own soul is yours and only yours domain. Even god himself has no power over it. Somehow, soul scientists decided they have this power while you – most amusing – have not. Maybe they do not assert it directly, but their science and industry (the right word for modern medicine) work exactly like if this assertion was made. And they deform our mentality so that even our guts distinct "scientifical" crazy from "scientifical" norm.

Brain is highly adaptable and reactive structure. For example, if you drink a spirit for the first time in your life you get drunk easily. The more you drink over your life the more difficult it is to get drunk. Surely they have a scientific explanation for it which lies in chemistry. But brain is all about overcoming chemistry and physical laws altogether. When you have consumed enough alcohol in your life, even in intoxicated state you will retain crucial mental capabilities, compared to an alcohol newbie. All said is true for any thinkable affect, even sex. There are even cases when individuals who got serious head injuries are able to recover some or all of the lost functions through different parts of their brain. Brain is the apogee of Life's tendency known as homeostasis.

You do not need to be a rocket scientist (or a paranoid schizophrenic like myself) to see that there's a natural interest for a medical industry to staff patients with medication making them dependable on it. Instead of a treatment which really solves the problem. And what's that? The thing which changes you not just affects you. Although, I am sure (from what I know) there are non-medical practices also which work the same way as medication: only affect you and make you dependable.

Your soul is no leg. Your leg is just an object. Whether it is broken or not is easily recognizable, and there's a well-defined procedure on healing it. Your soul is an absolute subject. So there are no defined procedures or recognitions about it at all. Actually, your soul is the instrument and source of any procedure or recognition. You are equal in that to any other soul out there, be it expert's or not. And when it comes to your own soul, you are the only expert. Just recollect this fact from your intrinsic birth knowledge. The only key to your soul is you yourself. Never delegate the authority over your soul to somebody else, because you risk to give up away part of that what makes you human (such giving up is also where inferiority complex comes from).

Not only your "mental arms" are the only tool really capable to manipulate your soul, they are much much longer and dexterous than the society or doctors make you think.

Many of the problems of modern humans come from concentrating on insignificant things. This is a luxury. We are so well settled in the world in this age that we do not need to trouble ourselves with survival, basic health or comfort, they are all there already, and so we have time and opportunity to be gays, fat or to go schizophrenic. We trouble ourselves with tiny little things and hyperbolize them so that sometimes they become a real problem. We live an artificial life not in accordance to our bodies as they are by nature. But there's still homeostasis and our bodies struggle for it and suffer chronicly from unavailability of natural stances. I am sure many of those psyche diseases originate from this and are not diseases at all but symptoms and consequences of this lack of naturality. So the real treatment (plus to being the authority over your own soul, because it's only you to decide whether your soul has problems or not) here should be putting more nature into your life: from hard physical work to literally being in nature. And change of environment.

Alcohol is strong psychiatric drug, and it is stereotypically Russian feel...
 
This is not just chemistry, this is a more general thing of how an organism adapts and (in case of medication) relies more and more on the facility which is not its part losing the skill to solve the corresponding issues by itself, via its own natural facilities.

like caffeine hey, another strong addictive mood altering drug

Have a score with this one, btw. My mother got serious blood pressure issues being a reckless coffeholic. I warned her for years those multiple cups of strong coffee every morning would not end good...
 
This is not just chemistry, this is a more general thing of how an organism adapts and (in case of medication) relies more and more on the facility which is not its part losing the skill to solve the corresponding issues by itself, via its own natural facilities.
That IS "chemistry" or molecular biology at any rate, and it can be true for certain hormones and maybe some neurotransmitters but it's frequently not the case, and when it is, it's not a process that you lose, it's a process you stop exercising.



Have a score with this one, btw. My mother got serious blood pressure issues being a reckless coffeholic. I warned her for years those multiple cups of strong coffee every morning would not end good...
Sorry to read. High blood pressure seems to come from irregular coffee drinking--drinking large volumes of consistent coffee doesn't raise blood pressure.
 
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