Girl/Dating Scenario

[capslock]

Ok what about the girl in this scenario. She is in love with this guy. Should she give up on it out of respect or does she owe it to herself to try and make it happen?

 

[LucyDuke]

Ok what about the girl in this scenario. She is in love with this guy. Should she give up on it out of respect or does she owe it to herself to try and make it happen?

She should see that she busted this guy's bro, and that if he's gonna go for her after that then he's a crapball. But she wants him, so she'll excuse that.

 

[Miles Teg]

Ok what about the girl in this scenario. She is in love with this guy. Should she give up on it out of respect or does she owe it to herself to try and make it happen?

First off, I'd caution against the object of the lady's affections to read love into infatuation. I'm getting the impression she broke things off with the guy when he tried getting serious and she decided she wasn't interested. With that said, she should make a try at it. Most relationships end in a breakup anyways, so it makes sense to pursue the ones that look good.

 

[CCRunner]

Wait six months- more for longer (as in year long or more) relationships.

Date her.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

Oh! Hey, okay, when I said I agreed with ecofarm, I meant that people gotta leave some things forever, not that the wimmins is to blame for anything. This whole thing works the same way when you swap out the sexes.

Not anything, just things like this. We're responsible for wars and stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg2n039txnk

 

[Grisu]

I imagine he'd have a damn good reason. I've been best friends with the same guy for about 6 years, and I've been dating my girl for less than a month. At the very least, I'd listen to my buddy (not saying I'd go through with it, but I put it under serious consideration)

ah, ok, in that case I'm with you there...the term 'bros before hos' seemed to imply to me that you'd side with your friend no matter who did what (even if, for example, he had been cheating on her during their relationship and she broke it off because of that). But yeah, listen what he has to say about it by all means

 

[Ecofarm]

how about a threesome?

What is with your obsession that capslock bang his friend??

I... agree... with... Ecofarm.

Don't pretend it was our first time.

Sorry for double post.

No, you edit the second post and put that in. You don't make a triple-post to do so.

I'd also really caution against Ecofarm's "blame the woman" approach.

I never said anything like that. I said that she should know better just like capslock should. And her behaving in an uncaring manner is a bad sign, just as it would be if capslock pursued this relationship. Yes, this is a little social power trip for him too.

I really don't appreciate this sort of slander. I'm sure it was a personal shot (see my title) and I hope people can see what a scumbag move that was.

And Lucy, thanks for quoting it (even if you didn't defend me and distanced yourself instead, I know you did it to bring it to my attention).

 

[DNK]

I dunno, three years after a 4-mo relationship. I understand the guy might get a little hurt, but come on, 3 years, 4 months... he can deal with it. Has he not been with anyone since or something? He's probably moved on by this point (I hope so). If he hasn't, it's really his issue not yours.

 

[Ecofarm]

@DNK:

His friend got his heart broke by this chick. Do you really think he will be comfortable going on double dates? Do you think the friend's girlfriend, knowing that this woman broke his heart, will be comfortable going on double dates?

You act as if capslock and his friend's lives are totally separate and their will be no social implications.

 

[Harbringer]

Caps Lock.....just, trust me, from personal experience and the knowledge of somebody who could be older and wiser than you, just don't do it. I'm not speaking down to you, please, don't think that, I'm merely trying to use my experiences and what Ive witnessed to help you avoid a lot of pain and trouble where you end up losing a girl and a friend.Your gonna find out that even when friends say its ok, it doesn't mean a thing. Just don't do it, it will only be trouble. There are plenty of women out there.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

Capslock never said they were crazy in love. "Crush" and "she's cute". Point being capslock, you simply should ask yourself, am I going to risk a friendship for a cute girl and a short fling? When worded like this, I don't see any problem and if it were my decision, it would be one of the easiest out there.

Now if she were the love of your life or something like that, again it would be an easy decision. And your mate would have to learn to live with it.

But that's just me talking, and that would be my decision.

 

[Harbringer]

Caps Lock, shes not the love of your life, I can guarantee that.

 

[DNK]

@DNK:

His friend got his heart broke by this chick. Do you really think he will be comfortable going on double dates? Do you think the friend's girlfriend, knowing that this woman broke his heart, will be comfortable going on double dates?

You act as if capslock and his friend's lives are totally separate and their will be no social implications.

Double-date? Maybe. I mean, really, 3 years for a short relationship... he should be over her by now.

I've seen friendships lost for far less and kept despite far worse. This is like a 2 or 3 on the 1-10 of "crap you can do to a friend" scale. It really depends on how caps goes about it, I guess. So long as he talks to him about it and doesn't get overly defensive it should not be an issue at all in a healthy friendship.

I guess if the friend is just touchy and he doesn't care that much about the girl, then fine, ditch her. It's the safe bet, of course.

 

[capslock]

I'm with the "talk to him about it first then reconsider" crowd.

But, here is the real situation, lol:

I'm actualy the girl in this situation. I dated this girl like 3 years ago, wasn't too into her, but she seemed nice and not every dating relationship needs to be about falling in love and getting married does it? So I dated her for a while (~4-5 months) had a good time, but then was time to move on. Unfortunately, she liked me quite a bit more. I had a crush on her friend (who was also my friend, btw) but that had nothing to do with the decision to break up. I thought I was never gonna see either of them ever again.

Her friend decides to come back to work and over the next couple years we get to be good friends and I fall in <3 with her. I can't do anything thogh, because I dumped her friend. Now its three years later, she has a new boyfriend, I just saw this girl again and I'm trying to decide whether to pursue her or not. And no, its not just a crush. I'm not entirely sure how she feels about me, but after last week I think maybe she feels the same way, but is staying away out of respect for her friend.

 

[Sharwood]

Screw respect, go for it. Don't die wondering my compadre.

 

[flyingchicken]

Hide then regret many years later just prior to death.

 

[thescaryworker]

It's been long enough. If he can't handle me dating someone he broke up with three years ago, he needs help.

 

[general_kill]

Look dude, here's the breakdown for you:
Why are you interested in this girl? From your description, it sounds like you have a very shallow interest in her. The only quality you really mentioned about her is her appearance which doesn't say much about a potential relationship. It's really telling that you do not tell us what you actually like about her, it seems the fact the girl is your best friend's ex is more intriguing to you than any quality she actually has.

If I am not being presumptuous, than my answer would be: don't date her. It will be nothing more than a fling and you will only jeopardize your friendship. You obviously have qualities that can attract girls you like, so I'd recommend chasing girls with less baggage.

 

[Ecofarm]

I'm actualy the girl in this situation.

Now Phil's comments make sense. Boy, I bet he just loved being all cryptic with the inside information.

Definately go for the threesome, but nail the "friend" first (that should be easy, right) just to make sure you get something.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

but is staying away out of respect for her friend.

Sensible advice: if that's her decision, you should honour it.

But sense is usually the first thing out of the window in these things, and we're not Vulcans. Plus from an outsiders point of view it's easy to talk.