How long should you date before you get married?

[Bill3000]

Link to the actual study would be nice.

Honestly, I hate how news articles just quote parts of an article but don't actually cite the story. It's annoying as hell.

 

[JollyRoger]

I think a woman can already be married before I start dating her. If she's not married, there is no timeframe that I would expect her to get married and it is not even a requirement. She should just understand that she will not be marrying me.

 

[El_Machinae]

This study finds a correlation, but not a causation.

In some social science, you're only to get correlation. The best you can do is try to control for other factors.

 

[illram]

If this really were true I'd really like to know why that is. Seems counter-intuitive.

I "cohabited with my mate" before tying the knot and so far so good.

 

[Slaughter]

If you're thinking on marriage, you're doing something WRONG!

 

[warpus]

In some social science, you're only to get correlation. The best you can do is try to control for other factors.

I was looking at it from a bit of more statistical point of view. It looks like they didn't really try to control any other factors, but then again.. the article doesn't really go into any details about the study at all, except that they called 1,000 couples on the phone and asked them questions.

 

[warpus]

If this really were true I'd really like to know why that is. Seems counter-intuitive.

I "cohabited with my mate" before tying the knot and so far so good.

Well, maybe it makes sense. People who get married without living together beforehand are likely to be a bit more conservative socially.. and in socially conservative circles there is a much greater stigma towards divorce.

Really depends on what kinda couples they called.. I mean, I *think* that the divorce rate for couples who had arranged marriages is far lower than for traditional marriages.

Would be nice to see the study, how they controlled variables, if they found any causation, and what conclusions they reached, aside from simple correlation.

 

[Doge Soprano]

Sorry for replying to a question with a question but why do people focus on the marriage? Isn't the actual cohabitation the cake and marriage is just the cherry on top? Marriage is the finish line; the goal? I don't get it. As long as I never get divorced, I am successful at life even if I hate every single moment that I'm alive? Maybe instead of asking whether there's a set of time before getting engaged you should ask yourself whether you really like the person. Find out what drives you crazy about the person and whether you can suck it up for the rest of your life or not. If not either you're a sissy or the person isn't for you. I like the latter better. Also there are the other 5.9 billions other people whose company you might enjoy. Ask yourself if you really want to get to know and spend the rest of your life with just one person.

 

[MobBoss]

If this really were true I'd really like to know why that is. Seems counter-intuitive.

I "cohabited with my mate" before tying the knot and so far so good.

The link explains some of it.

 

[LucyDuke]

Marriage is pretty much a given in some religions. That's why people focus on the marriage.

 

[JollyRoger]

Marry early, marry often, and don't forget to tip your divorce lawyer generously along the way.

 

[classical_hero]

There should never be any hard rule about dating and marriage. Ever relationship is different. I knew of a couple who married only after 8 days of dating, but they did know each other before that. And I know of a couple who have been dating for about 3 or four years now and they are only going to get married late next year after getting engaged a few months ago.

About cohabitation. Even if the studies showed it to be a good thing I still would not do it, since i do not base it on that.

 

[JollyRoger]

Whatever you do, make sure you seal the deal before she reaches double digits.

 

[Perfection]

three minutes.

 

[Birdjaguar]

A successful marriage has little to do with what you do or how long you know one another before getting married. It rests on your individual committments to stay together in spite of the short comings and failures of your spouse.

But to be safe, I want my daughter to be at least 25 and to wait a year or more.

 

[Brighteye]

Surely the conclusion from Mobboss' study is that once you're cohabiting you shouldn't marry just because it follows on, but because you really want to?
There's nothing wrong with cohabiting itself.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

Surely the conclusion from Mobboss' study is that once you're cohabiting you shouldn't marry just because it follows on, but because you really want to?
There's nothing wrong with cohabiting itself.

Just as I was going to post this, you steal the sense away from me

*Grumble* What he ^ said.

 

[Hygro]

Interesting update to this thread. Apparently, there has been a new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology that supports my earlier premise in this thread:

Spoiler :

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532600,00.html?test=latestnews

Let the nay-saying commence.

Nay I say! Nay!

 

[Syterion]

I don't understand why you'd spend a long time cohabiting before marriage. Isn't the willingness to cohabitate imply that you intend to marry them, and are making a huge commitment since you are entangling each other in your lives? As far as I can see if you need such a waiting period to see if you want to get married after cohabitation, you should not have moved in so quickly. The only thing that appears to be the difference between marriage and cohabitation is the legal ramifications, and that should be subordinate, right?

I say 6 months is enough. If you know the person you know the person.

 

[Hygro]

I don't understand why you'd spend a long time cohabiting before marriage. Isn't the willingness to cohabitate imply that you intend to marry them, and are making a huge commitment since you are entangling each other in your lives? As far as I can see if you need such a waiting period to see if you want to get married after cohabitation, you should not have moved in so quickly. The only thing that appears to be the difference between marriage and cohabitation is the legal ramifications, and that should be subordinate, right?

I say 6 months is enough. If you know the person you know the person.

You would be amazed how blind you can be to a person even after 6 months. You'll get to know a person in the context of 6 months--which for most people is a very stable time frame. But get someone in another context and it's amazing what kind of different personalities can emerge.

And that doesn't begin to address how much projecting and infatuation you're still doing/feeling at that point. Heck if things are going well you're still in butterfly land. The kind of love you need for a marriage is not butterfly love.