I understand your reasoning, but it's still somewhat incomplete compared to the core point.
The core point about sharing informations with people one enters a relationship with, tend to be related with the elements which are important to the relationships. For example, you don't say to random guys in the street if you have children or not, but for someone who starts dating you, that's the kind of things which need to be shared. It's about expectations.
You seem to consider that "being trans" is an information that is not important for a relationship, and I understand your point of view. I'm just pretty sure it's a point of view not shared by a lot of people, who would think it's a rather important bit of information in a relationship. Regardless of the morality aspect, I'd say even for purely practical purpose, it's probably better to be upfront about informations that might have an effect on a relation, rather than let them to be discovered much later, where they could be much more impactful and possibly have negative effects on people who would otherwise simply have passed each other without bad feelings.
I get exactly what you're saying, akka. You think being trans is an important part of somebody's identity, and relationships are built on trust and not keeping secrets away from your partner. In that regard, I in fact agree with you a hundred percent. That's why I never advised straight up lying about the situation. I would be frank on my infertility and lack of desire for children, because I don't want to lead someone on for three years, get married, and then immediately divorce over family planning.
However, as a counterpoint, not immediately disclosing my trans origins is the safer bet in your hypothetical. Say I just met a random guy at a party or something. This guy is a transphobe, and thinks it's morally acceptable to kill trans people if he gets "duped" by us (all too common, unfortunately
). If I immediately disclose being trans, I put myself in real, physical danger for assault or even murder. If I find out about these views and kept my trans identity a secret, I can cut him out of my life and just move on.
Ultimately though, I'm going to say what I said to fred: just because a lot of people are transphobic, doesn't change the fact that transphobia is a social construct, and the only solution to an unhealthy social construct is to destroy the construct in the minds of society.
I know that I'm not really contre or Megan, for that matter, but in all honesty, the chance of a person which would raise noise over their potential partner being trans, and, well, a trans person getting together with them, would be quite damn low, I'll be fair.
Yeah, tolni, I really appreciate the sentiment, and I wish you were right, but given that you warned me to never disclose I'm trans if I visit you in Bulgaria for my own safety, I know
you don't even belive that.
