Random Rants ΠΓ': Parental guidance required
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tjs282
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Synobun
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I'm trying to be understanding but my best friend has taken a sudden disinterest in respecting my limitations and I can see the disaster looming. I've been volunteered for activities tomorrow that I objectively cannot do even on the best of days, and my no's have been dismissed as lovable hijinks instead of the no they should be taken as. Should be fun.
Can you just no-show? How many others will be impacted if you just don't go?
Synobun
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I'm staying in her home until the 12th, so to no-show would be to find a train home on New Year's. 
The issue, I suppose, is that she sandwiched an agreed-upon plan between two other plans that I can't handle. And since I'm entirely reliant on her to get around, I can't just sod off and only show up to the plan I agreed to, especially with the New Year's rush. I won't have a phone and I can't take crowded public transit since I can't stand while in a moving vehicle, especially if I don't have room to brace myself. It was very clever of her to do it this way. Even when she surprises me with sudden plans, they are at least in the realm of something I can handle even if I'll dislike it. This time... not even close.
We were going to see Star Wars tomorrow night. I had asked that we get reservations at a smaller theater with no kids because my ability to handle crowds has continued to dwindle, and the last time I went to a big theatre with stairs/escalators my legs gave out and I couldn't get back up. The theater is downtown but it has parking, so even with the New Year's crowd it'd be as simple as going from the parking lot to the theater, and then back to her place.
This has been altered. Now I am to go to a seafood restaurant downtown Seattle on New Year's Eve with her and her boyfriend, without a reservation. So we need to find a different parking lot and then walk around until we find a restaurant with seating (hah). Seafood makes me sick, and I certainly can't handle downtown crowds on a holiday known for its street celebrations. Vancouver has less people than Seattle and I can't handle its crowds on New Year's, so there is exactly zero chance of me handling this. I'll also be the idiot on New Year's not eating anything or drinking anything while taking up valuable table space in a busy restaurant.
There's also the issue that I have a time limit on physical exertion and being out and about before I need to lay down in a dark room. The restaurant outing by itself will tick over the time limit, but we're going straight to the theater afterward to watch a 2.5-hour movie. Then, then, they want to go watch fireworks downtown. Again, crowds. And also several hours past my bedtime. And also requiring more walking around, when at that point I'll have already exceeded my limits by hours.
I'll be nonverbal and limping not even halfway through these plans, and I already know I'm going to be chided for "ruining the mood." Even if I physically could participate in either activity, I wouldn't want to. Yet I'll be made to feel guilty for not being grateful for being included.
The issue, I suppose, is that she sandwiched an agreed-upon plan between two other plans that I can't handle. And since I'm entirely reliant on her to get around, I can't just sod off and only show up to the plan I agreed to, especially with the New Year's rush. I won't have a phone and I can't take crowded public transit since I can't stand while in a moving vehicle, especially if I don't have room to brace myself. It was very clever of her to do it this way. Even when she surprises me with sudden plans, they are at least in the realm of something I can handle even if I'll dislike it. This time... not even close.
We were going to see Star Wars tomorrow night. I had asked that we get reservations at a smaller theater with no kids because my ability to handle crowds has continued to dwindle, and the last time I went to a big theatre with stairs/escalators my legs gave out and I couldn't get back up. The theater is downtown but it has parking, so even with the New Year's crowd it'd be as simple as going from the parking lot to the theater, and then back to her place.
This has been altered. Now I am to go to a seafood restaurant downtown Seattle on New Year's Eve with her and her boyfriend, without a reservation. So we need to find a different parking lot and then walk around until we find a restaurant with seating (hah). Seafood makes me sick, and I certainly can't handle downtown crowds on a holiday known for its street celebrations. Vancouver has less people than Seattle and I can't handle its crowds on New Year's, so there is exactly zero chance of me handling this. I'll also be the idiot on New Year's not eating anything or drinking anything while taking up valuable table space in a busy restaurant.
There's also the issue that I have a time limit on physical exertion and being out and about before I need to lay down in a dark room. The restaurant outing by itself will tick over the time limit, but we're going straight to the theater afterward to watch a 2.5-hour movie. Then, then, they want to go watch fireworks downtown. Again, crowds. And also several hours past my bedtime. And also requiring more walking around, when at that point I'll have already exceeded my limits by hours.
I'll be nonverbal and limping not even halfway through these plans, and I already know I'm going to be chided for "ruining the mood." Even if I physically could participate in either activity, I wouldn't want to. Yet I'll be made to feel guilty for not being grateful for being included.
"I feel a migraine coming on...." About 3PM tomorrow.
aimeeandbeatles
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Hide in the closet when it's time to leave.
I'm staying in her home until the 12th, so to no-show would be to find a train home on New Year's.
The issue, I suppose, is that she sandwiched an agreed-upon plan between two other plans that I can't handle. And since I'm entirely reliant on her to get around, I can't just sod off and only show up to the plan I agreed to, especially with the New Year's rush. I won't have a phone and I can't take crowded public transit since I can't stand while in a moving vehicle, especially if I don't have room to brace myself. It was very clever of her to do it this way. Even when she surprises me with sudden plans, they are at least in the realm of something I can handle even if I'll dislike it. This time... not even close.
We were going to see Star Wars tomorrow night. I had asked that we get reservations at a smaller theater with no kids because my ability to handle crowds has continued to dwindle, and the last time I went to a big theatre with stairs/escalators my legs gave out and I couldn't get back up. The theater is downtown but it has parking, so even with the New Year's crowd it'd be as simple as going from the parking lot to the theater, and then back to her place.
This has been altered. Now I am to go to a seafood restaurant downtown Seattle on New Year's Eve with her and her boyfriend, without a reservation. So we need to find a different parking lot and then walk around until we find a restaurant with seating (hah). Seafood makes me sick, and I certainly can't handle downtown crowds on a holiday known for its street celebrations. Vancouver has less people than Seattle and I can't handle its crowds on New Year's, so there is exactly zero chance of me handling this. I'll also be the idiot on New Year's not eating anything or drinking anything while taking up valuable table space in a busy restaurant.
There's also the issue that I have a time limit on physical exertion and being out and about before I need to lay down in a dark room. The restaurant outing by itself will tick over the time limit, but we're going straight to the theater afterward to watch a 2.5-hour movie. Then, then, they want to go watch fireworks downtown. Again, crowds. And also several hours past my bedtime. And also requiring more walking around, when at that point I'll have already exceeded my limits by hours.
I'll be nonverbal and limping not even halfway through these plans, and I already know I'm going to be chided for "ruining the mood." Even if I physically could participate in either activity, I wouldn't want to. Yet I'll be made to feel guilty for not being grateful for being included.
Edit this message just a little bit, for tact, then show it to her?
hobbsyoyo
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Hmm maybe she'll splurge on valet parking or uber's or something so you don't have to walk everywhere.I'm staying in her home until the 12th, so to no-show would be to find a train home on New Year's.
The issue, I suppose, is that she sandwiched an agreed-upon plan between two other plans that I can't handle. And since I'm entirely reliant on her to get around, I can't just sod off and only show up to the plan I agreed to, especially with the New Year's rush. I won't have a phone and I can't take crowded public transit since I can't stand while in a moving vehicle, especially if I don't have room to brace myself. It was very clever of her to do it this way. Even when she surprises me with sudden plans, they are at least in the realm of something I can handle even if I'll dislike it. This time... not even close.
We were going to see Star Wars tomorrow night. I had asked that we get reservations at a smaller theater with no kids because my ability to handle crowds has continued to dwindle, and the last time I went to a big theatre with stairs/escalators my legs gave out and I couldn't get back up. The theater is downtown but it has parking, so even with the New Year's crowd it'd be as simple as going from the parking lot to the theater, and then back to her place.
This has been altered. Now I am to go to a seafood restaurant downtown Seattle on New Year's Eve with her and her boyfriend, without a reservation. So we need to find a different parking lot and then walk around until we find a restaurant with seating (hah). Seafood makes me sick, and I certainly can't handle downtown crowds on a holiday known for its street celebrations. Vancouver has less people than Seattle and I can't handle its crowds on New Year's, so there is exactly zero chance of me handling this. I'll also be the idiot on New Year's not eating anything or drinking anything while taking up valuable table space in a busy restaurant.
There's also the issue that I have a time limit on physical exertion and being out and about before I need to lay down in a dark room. The restaurant outing by itself will tick over the time limit, but we're going straight to the theater afterward to watch a 2.5-hour movie. Then, then, they want to go watch fireworks downtown. Again, crowds. And also several hours past my bedtime. And also requiring more walking around, when at that point I'll have already exceeded my limits by hours.
I'll be nonverbal and limping not even halfway through these plans, and I already know I'm going to be chided for "ruining the mood." Even if I physically could participate in either activity, I wouldn't want to. Yet I'll be made to feel guilty for not being grateful for being included.
aimeeandbeatles
watermelon
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Small rant: I have set in my pre-screening on Prolific to not give me any surveys that require webcams (because I don't have one). But today a "webcam eye-tracking survey" keeps popping up no matter how many times I click "not interested."
Synobun
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Yeah, I have. And I'll probably give it another go in the car later today, when she can kick me out on the freeway and watch as I get mowed down by a semi.
Her response is that she "isn't worried about it." Which is fine for her, but I'm kind of the one to be worried about here.
The only three viable options I see are a) she suddenly forgot that my limitations are real (not really plausible, she saw me on my birthday and specifically noted my increased difficulties); b) she's just overwhelmed with the loss of her pet and isn't playing with a full deck of cards; or c) she has a secret plan like what @hobbsyoyo suggested that negates my worries somehow.
A is doubtful. B and C are what I'm leaning towards. C is possible, she's done that before, but it would be questionable to do that again when I've made it clear that I'm not at my best mentally or physically. The bait and switch isn't something I enjoy greatly when I can go with the flow, and certainly isn't something I enjoy when I need stability. B seems more likely, and it's also the most forgiving since it's not intentional then.
Although I'm not sure I'll see much of a distinction tomorrow when I'm dragging my feet on the ground knowing there's hours left to go.
Given that this isn't specifically a D&D setting with a nemesis character class, I don't think they level up whenever the other does.
I'm damn angry and said.
I had some drinks with my ex. Well... she had 3 strong beer, and is now completely wasted. I did not expect that. I walked her back home for 40 min. Could not even get a taxi, because she was with a neighbours bike, which needed to be back tomorrow morning.
She told me that her current BF is having a depression, is mentally not stable, is behaving sometimes irrational and rude, and tends to drink when he is alone. This has become clear only in the last 3 months, since they are back together.
She can't break up with him. They got back together because her work contract was running out, which means her visa was running out, and she did not have s new job yet. he offered to her to get back together, to register a civil partnership together. That worked. Now she also has a contract, but if she breaks up with him, her visa status will change, which means she will need to get paid more for this type of visa to be valid, which the company either does not want to or cannot afford.
So if she breaks up, she will lose her job, on which her visum depends.
I had offered a “fake“ marriage for the visum too, but it seemed easier with her current BF. Wrong decision, as it seems.
So what do I do now? “Switching“ partners now will be suspicious. I will also leave the country in a month.
She could break up, go back, I marry her there, but then she will be with me in a country where she knows nobody, doesn't have a job, and where she will need to wait 5 more years to get citizenship, instead of 1.5 here.
Can I do something here?
What will happen if we wait?
In case the moron misbehaves, I also can't be there to support her and/or bash his head in, bc I would need to take a flight.
Utter bullcrap.
Guess I can think more about this while I walk the 20 minutes back.
She seems to be sleeping, let's hope the hangover will not be bad.
Oh, please nobody cite this, not sure if I will need to delete this evidence at some point.
I had some drinks with my ex. Well... she had 3 strong beer, and is now completely wasted. I did not expect that. I walked her back home for 40 min. Could not even get a taxi, because she was with a neighbours bike, which needed to be back tomorrow morning.
She told me that her current BF is having a depression, is mentally not stable, is behaving sometimes irrational and rude, and tends to drink when he is alone. This has become clear only in the last 3 months, since they are back together.
She can't break up with him. They got back together because her work contract was running out, which means her visa was running out, and she did not have s new job yet. he offered to her to get back together, to register a civil partnership together. That worked. Now she also has a contract, but if she breaks up with him, her visa status will change, which means she will need to get paid more for this type of visa to be valid, which the company either does not want to or cannot afford.
So if she breaks up, she will lose her job, on which her visum depends.
I had offered a “fake“ marriage for the visum too, but it seemed easier with her current BF. Wrong decision, as it seems.
So what do I do now? “Switching“ partners now will be suspicious. I will also leave the country in a month.
She could break up, go back, I marry her there, but then she will be with me in a country where she knows nobody, doesn't have a job, and where she will need to wait 5 more years to get citizenship, instead of 1.5 here.
Can I do something here?
What will happen if we wait?
In case the moron misbehaves, I also can't be there to support her and/or bash his head in, bc I would need to take a flight.
Utter bullcrap.
Guess I can think more about this while I walk the 20 minutes back.
She seems to be sleeping, let's hope the hangover will not be bad.
Oh, please nobody cite this, not sure if I will need to delete this evidence at some point.
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