Random Rants LXXXVI: OH, FUDDLE-DUDDLE!

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By the time they are published you will be running one of my illicit businesses in Belize and wondering what to do with all the money.
I've already learned from Lethal Weapon 2 both how to launder it and not to be stupid enough to try and steal from you. I think what I'll do with the money is hog all the broadband in the world so that people finally know how I feel, mwahahhahaha!
 
You can get Takh to translate your memoir into Spanish, Charlie Brown Adultese, and Swedish Cheflish.

On my boat there was this guy who more than anything else wanted a ray gun that would make people talk like an adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon, and talked about it a lot. Whenever we were stuck listening to some idiot talking he would do the "cocked thumb finger gun" sign at them when they weren't looking and everyone would crack up.
 
I thought I had patched my keyboard's 'u' key well enough to be usable. It had three out of four corners of the keycap attached to the spring, it was awkward but 80% usable. Then it tore off, both the keycap and the spring, and I haven't been able to reattach it in any way. Also I found out that the keycap is permanently broken on one of its corners. Anyway. I can probably make do with no 'u' key, but now my 'o' key is also falling off, it's showing the identical symptoms that the 'u' key first displayed before it popped loose (an awkward tilt as the base isn't properly connected). New keyboard is needed and cannot be delayed, lest I lose even more letters.
 
I thought I had patched my keyboard's 'u' key well enough to be usable. It had three out of four corners of the keycap attached to the spring, it was awkward but 80% usable. Then it tore off, both the keycap and the spring, and I haven't been able to reattach it in any way. Also I found out that the keycap is permanently broken on one of its corners. Anyway. I can probably make do with no 'u' key, but now my 'o' key is also falling off, it's showing the identical symptoms that the 'u' key first displayed before it popped loose (an awkward tilt as the base isn't properly connected). New keyboard is needed and cannot be delayed, lest I lose even more letters.
See if you can track down an IBM Model M keyboard. The one I'm using was made before I was born and it is completely bulletproof. Not a loose key to be found and great finger-feel.
 
My wife backed down about going out to get stuff which is good. We already had a list of the groceries we haven't been able to get for 2 weeks written down and I decided to see if Amazon Fresh would deliver them to us since we aren't going out. Nope - they're booked up for at least the next 3 weeks.

There's nothing we really need (hence my resistance to going out in the first place) but we'll be on an exclusively canned diet soon. Probably just as well, I doubt our regular stores are back to regular stocks yet. The panic buying urge is deep in these parts.
 
You need a good recipe book.
 
I have plenty of cookbooks. And in another life, I ran a barbecue kitchen and worked at a few fast food joints. I can't cook what is not on the store shelves. I have not been able to get meat, cheese and pasta for two weeks. Everything else has been super spotty as well. We're lucky we bought the canned goods when we did (about a month ago) because they all disappeared with the meat and cheese and dairy.
 
I have plenty of cookbooks. And in another life, I ran a barbecue kitchen and worked at a few fast food joints. I can't cook what is not on the store shelves. I have not been able to get meat, cheese and pasta for two weeks. Everything else has been super spotty as well. We're lucky we bought the canned goods when we did (about a month ago) because they all disappeared with the meat and cheese and dairy.
Last week I couldn't get meat from the deli. This week I can't get canned, but I got more from the deli than I'd ordered (just putting this down to the person taking my order not knowing the difference between canned and not-canned; suffice to say I am now well-stocked with sliced bologna).

Good thing I bought fish last week. It's not there now. And I bought an extra bag of cat food. Who knows when pet food is what's going to be cleaned out.
 
I don't have any dry ice and wouldn't know where to get any.
 
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